For something that's not funny this is SO funny

Thunder *and* lightning in this economy

I need a nap and all, but have you ever spent an afternoon wondering if you've been wrong about everything, including spray cheese?

What did you think was gonna happen when stupids do stupid stuff?

Seldom do you see an Amazon box in the wild

Why do stains wash out of cloth napkins but not the rest of the laundry and is it sorcery

Good things can still happen

Sometimes I don't have a lot to say and I'm sure you're all grateful

Never have I appreciated more that guy driving around your town in a beat up sedan who you only find out was totally loaded when he goes tits-up and funds an entire animal shelter for decades.

The Let Them Fightiest thing ever

Into helping girls grow up capable, independent and strong but don't need/want sugar shock? You can buy Girl Scout cookies and ask the scout to donate them to someone they respect like a rescue squad, fire department or hospital.

Mmm tamales

Her: These are real issues and we have decisions to make Me: What if someone *can* eat just one Lay's Potato Chip

It's useful to file your cats in alphabetical order.

Important potato technology.

Last summer, I froze a metric shitload of grated zucchini so tomorrow the zucchini cookie blast zone will be visible from space

Life is short fuck that noise Gonna crochet cat shelter blankets about it

Could get mad or bake cookies/scheme about getting even

Hard cheese but also soft cheese

Operating a glue gun without adult supervision was only my first mistake

Kong is not in Israel- not a part of the Epstein controversy yet you all are ignoring this puppy! 29 reposts 4this big bundle of love? As if he’s the Ghost of Mississippi! Where are my reposts for him? miraclelanefarmnsanctuary.com Wants 2PULL him and u all r ignoring him! Pls help me here!

Turns out eating your feelings might not be the worst you can do

Got feelings, making whole wheat dinner rolls about it

Not a single bird stopped by the feeder today and snow just started

You can't go wrong with the classics

Hey Texas, get to it

Spring is comiiiiiiiiiiing

After 18 years this thing still won't tell me what it is

Stop talking to me ski jumping is on I love me some human flying squirrels

Since last year, packages shipped via USPS enjoy a sojourn of more than a week at some postal hub before moving on to actually moving. When will they arrive? Consult your Magic8Ball because tracking is useless.

Call those fuckers what they are: provocateurs

While I'm letting my nails dry you may admire my lemon-scented hammer

Every day I have imposter syndrome about dinner prep when it's literally, 'Ta darling, you are making corn dogs'

[friends explaining the concept of a Valentine to me] Them: So, if you like someone you give them a heart... Me: *pulls out blade* Them: ... shaped card. Me: *puts blade away*

Let's skip to the part where we've always known each other

Every time I hear something new about the whistles I start crying I stg. As this article notes, they started as a tactic in LA and are supported by a network of disorganized volunteers who are, as Bree's skeet demonstrates, global www.theverge.com/policy/87495...

Pilot: welcome aboard Fighter pilot: [right hook]

Sleepwalking scares me I mean you could wake up at Basecamp on Everest on your way up or down

So: does it set off no one's Creep Factor Radar to watch women's Olympic teams with apparently 100% male coaches?

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Didn't know I could be more disgusted I mean, I was pretty disgusted, like really disgusted, like distracting from the hatred even

So aggravating when the curlers yell at each other in English I mean what are they saying

CRYING

Had feelings made an extremely homemade peach upside down cake about it

zitherer zitherist zitherphile

At an art show in my local public library the cheese was so delicious, ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Your library might have art shows and cheese

When I first knew I was in kidney failure, I imagined pushing hard and using my social media powers to find a living donor. Then I realized that was asking for help (about the biggest possible favor) and I don't like that.

I should embroider that in a hanky

Who among me knows what I am talking about?