"Hello, I need help. My friend has reached Nirvana and now he won't close his cabinets"

We should have mandatory shitty experiences in retail. Everyone should have to experience serving in a Cracker Barrel thats run out of Country Fried Steak

I love Laufey

“All of the men in this room took a pregnancy test and had it come back positive.” Frequentist uncertainty: what the fuck is wrong with that pregnancy test. Bayesian uncertainty: it’s a little silly for ALL of them to be pregnant…

Eat the rich includes everyone in a better boarding group than me

I need someone that looks at me the way I look at my friend's nachos

Knowing the lyrics to Don't stop believing is in the white person's genome

Reading my Tevals after a good semester gives me the strength to keep going

I'll never forgive that woman for taking MTG from magic: the gathering

Getting my tags renewed right under the wire (one day late)

Trans rights are human rights

I'm whimsy-maxing

Inside every man is an elementary schooler begging to be asked “are there any big strong boys here who could help rearrange the desks”

What would indian Christopher Columbus call the native Americans 🤔

“Not my circus” actually that’s ok we’re low on monkeys at the moment and would love to have you join our team

I havent lived in Topeka for years, but I haven't told the community blood center to stop with the automated texts because I like the attention