🚨New episode alert 🚨 Listen to @imperi.bsky.social, Founder of the School of American Thanatology and writer of A Guide to Grief for teens and tweens, discuss Shadow Loss, non-clinical grief tools, thanatology, botany and much more! ⬇️ thedeathstudiespodcast.com/cole-imperi/

Over the past year, I’ve worked with artists, CEOs, grieving parents, public figures, educators, and creators of all kinds—each moving with grief in different forms. If you’ve been wondering if this is for you, maybe this is the sign. coleimperi.com/consultations

Have you ever wondered if you're meant to do grief or death work? A session with a thanatologist can help you figure out if it might be your path—and if so, how to begin. Clarity. Direction. No pressure. Just insight. coleimperi.com/consultations

Grief touches everything. And we often don’t realize all the places it might want to take us. Thanatological consultations exist for that in-between space: not therapy, not coaching, but something deep, steady, and real. coleimperi.com/consultations

When MoMA wanted to explore grief through art, they brought me in. I helped interpret sculpture for adults + children, contributed to their online course, and offered nuanced context. A grief-informed lens works in museums—and in your work, too. coleimperi.com/consultations

Are you a coach, therapist, educator, or funeral professional exploring how to integrate grief or loss into your work? Thanatological consulting can help clarify your path. Sometimes, the best next step is a conversation with someone who’s already walked it. coleimperi.com/consultations

If your life is public, it can be even harder to grieve privately. My consultations create space for those navigating loss behind the scenes—while leading, performing, creating, advocating, or caregiving. You don’t have to carry it alone. coleimperi.com/consultations

What’s a way you can create art that honors grief without being cliché? Ask a thanatologist. I work with writers, filmmakers, composers, and visual artists to help them embody grief via their medium of choice. Want to deepen your work? coleimperi.com/consultations

Some grief is quiet. No funeral, no public acknowledgment, just you carrying it alone. If this is you, know this: your grief is real, even if no one else sees it.

Grief isn’t the thing that makes life harder—it’s what helps you process the loss. Don’t punish grief for the pain caused by the loss. Grief is here to help you with the hurt caused by the loss. Grief wants to make life easier for us.

I help people with practical things like writing sympathy notes, supporting grieving friends, and understanding how grief works. Grief isn’t something to fix—it’s something to witness, and something to listen to. The best thing you can do? Show up for yourself and others in a tangible way.

I write about grief, home, and healing, exploring how our spaces support us through loss. My upcoming book, being published by Penguin, reflects a blend of science-based grief literacy and practical, non-clinical ways to make your home (and all the spaces you inhabit) a place for healing.

Thanabotany, a field that explores the relationship between plants and death, came out of a botanical research fellowship I had in ~2017. From funeral flowers to the use of herbs for managing grief, the natural world plays a powerful role in both how we experience loss and also find comfort.

Not all losses involve death. I coined the term Shadowloss to describe losses *in* life rather than *of* life—things like divorce, job loss, or estrangement. Naming these experiences helps people process and honor their grief. And it's important to have non-clinical language in our toolbags.

I founded the School of American Thanatology, where I teach under our 3 programmatic umbrellas of Deathwork, Thanatology, and Thanabotany. With students in 30+ countries, we explore the many ways grief shapes our lives through education and research.

Hi, I’m Cole Imperi—a thanatologist, author, and researcher dedicated to helping people navigate full lives that contain grief and loss. Through my work, I aim to make grief more approachable and help others find meaning in life’s transitions.

10/10 My second book is on its way. I have a book about grief for adults coming out with Penguin in 2026. This project is so close to my heart, and I can’t wait to share more with you as we get closer to publication. Stay tuned! Thanks for staying through this short series!

9/10: Community volunteer work is important to me. I served for many years on the board of a large cemetery in Kentucky, later becoming its first female board president. I'm also a California Master Gardener (since 2023) and I've volunteered more than 250 hours through that so far.

8/10: My work has been shared through 2 TEDx Talks, on Netflix’s "The Future Of…", and interviews on WNYC’s Radiolab, The Atlantic, and The New York Times. Maybe you saw my work with MoMA, or on Ologies. I love expanding our context for the hard parts of life.

7/10: Since 2008, I have professional experience as a clinically-trained jail chaplain, mortuary college professor/instructor, crematory operator, hospice volunteer, funeral service staff trainer, death companion, funeral service consultant, deathcare biz founder, and grief support group leader.

6/10: My award-winning book, A Guide to Grief, was written to help tweens and teens understand and navigate loss. Grief education should start early, and my goal is to make it accessible, compassionate, and useful. This book had 8 peer reviewers and is in more than 300 public libraries.

5/10: Thanabotany is a field I developed after completing a botanical research fellowship I was awarded in ~2017. I have students in 30 countries now, and we've had people from more than 40 professions reach out to access our database for applications in their own fields.

4/10: Not all losses involve death of a human/animal we love (those are deathlosses). I coined the term Shadowloss to describe losses *in* life rather than of life—things like divorce, job loss, or estrangement. Shadowloss is non-clinical. You can't be diagnosed with it.

thank you for having me on as a guest!

3/10: I have three thanatology credentials from 3 programs out of 2 countries in 2 different languages. I believe that language itself is a non-clinical tool we all have access to. Important to note that words/concepts like 'grief' do not apples-to-apples translate across languages/cultures.

2/10: I Founded the School of American Thanatology. I started the School to provide science-based education in deathwork, thanatology, and thanabotany. Today, we have students in more than 30 countries. We turned 5 years old this year.

Going to do a series of intro posts over the next few days. 1/10: Hi, I’m Cole Imperi! I’m a thanatologist, author, and researcher dedicated to helping people navigate a full life that sometimes contains both loss and grief. I'm into non-clinical tools and techniques which support regular people.

Someone else’s pain does not take away from your joy.

New book rec! The newly published “Giving Up the Ghost” by Samantha Rose. It’s a subtle powerhouse of a memoir as the author reckons with her mother’s suicide choice. Added to the book database available for free on my website!

One of the challenges communities experience related to election grief or political grief is that some members are not able or are unwilling to recognize other people’s loss or experience.

Humans do not grieve things they didn’t care about.

Grief is more like a consistent, non-judgemental, loyal friend who walks beside you as you make sense of it all.

We share our happinesses with others, even posting the details publicly on social media for all to see, but we often hide our joys, protecting them like the treasures they are. Joy is a necessary component to feeling fulfilled. Take a moment to think about where your joy lives.

Happiness tends to be more universal. We find happiness in shared experiences—parties, vacations, shopping trips, lunches, raises, promotions, and recognitions. Joy is private, personal and often hidden from view.

No one can infiltrate the things that bring you joy because joy springs from within, and happiness lives outside ourselves. You can't prevent loss, or grief, but you can be prepared for it. Focusing on joy vs. happiness is an approach I take.

Loss is the exhale which blows it all apart, and grief is the inhale, which pulls it all back together. Listen to your grief.

If you find yourself avoiding your grief, you might be avoiding your healing.

Grief is how we respond to loss, and grief is what brings us back home to ourselves, and each other.

I’ve seen losses tear friends, families and communities apart. But, it’s not the loss that brings them back together, it’s the grief.

This isn’t therapy. It’s not diagnosis. Or treatment. What I offer is a different kind of conversation: rooted in research, informed by lived experience, & shaped by 15+ years of thanatological work. For those navigating grief, change, or creative questions about loss: coleimperi.com/consultations

When communicating with a griever, t's better to say something like 'I'm going to call you on Tuesday next week to check on you.' instead of 'let me know if you need anything.' Keep the ball in your court.

Done is better than perfect. A sent sympathy note is better than an unsent sympathy note.

When people are grieving, they don't want you to fix them, they want you to see them.

The purpose of a sympathy note is to provide a tangible reminder that the recipient has people in their life that care about them.

Grievers are a vulnerable population. Here's a summary of my thoughts about the emerging Death Companion/Death Doula field, managing grief in the workplace, and an invitation to reflect on your own experiences as a griever: do you recall a time while grieving where you felt pushed into something?

Try processing your loss through a parallel romance novel. I keep a database of romance novels on my website which you can sort through by type off loss. For example, if you lost a sibling, it might be helpful to read a novel that mirrors that experience.

Romance novels are known for what’s called an 'HEA' or 'Happily Ever After.'" A romance novel can give your brain a safe space to rest and recover, and a way to 'parallel process' your loss. The romance genre is for everyone. And the romance genre can be a helpful friend to a grieving heart.

You might like romance already and not know it—ever read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green or Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens?

I now recommend reading romance to those that are actively grieving, and suggest saving the more academic or education-type books for when the grief has settled a bit.

Our Saturday lectures run for 2 hours, are recorded for those who can't make it, and feature real-life experience paired with practical, science-based information. Reading materials, videos, and discussions take place behind-the-scenes, and alumni receive access to our private online community.