"Why just have a Good Friday when you could have a *Great* Friday?" — TGIF promo for Orthodox Christians observing Good Friday on April 10th.

This may as well be my profile pic.

I have a journal joke, but it’s still being peer reviewed.

I’m glad the Artemis II crew had such clear weather for its photos.

At the vet’s, admiring the photo choice for this flyer.

Notable here is “I voted x3 for you. WTH is wrong with you?” (as opposed to “I voted x3 for you. WTH is wrong with *me*?”) www.nytimes.com/2026/04/08/u...

This is the future that liberals want.

Will be blocking Silver Creek until my demands for the Government to let me check out library books for time periods based on their page lengths are met.

Available at Hole Foods. www.swissinfo.ch/eng/various/...

Choose your fighter.

Today is my parents’ 70th anniversary.

News you can use.

I'm starting to think today might not have been the best day to launch a humor book.

Dear Mom, Thank you! You were incredibly thoughtful to make a quilt that matches my new book so perfectly. It goes on sale tomorrow, so this is great timing. 💚 Love from your favorite son, Bart 🤓

Vile weeds!

“Look at this mud!”

This black cottonwood near Silverton, OR is the Riding Whip Tree. In 1854, a teen named Florinda Geer stuck a cottonwood riding switch in the ground; it took root and grew for 152 years. (Florinda later had the cartoonist Homer Davenport.) In 1986, this was named Marion County’s first Heritage Tree.

The Artemis II astronauts are currently farther away from the current occupant of the White House than the rest of humanity. Must be nice.

ONLY THIS BALLROOM CAN SAVE THE PRESIDENT

Bluesky isn’t dying, it’s just on a vision quest.

The interactive site that NASA has up for Artemis II has fantastic visualizations of the spacecraft's current position. www.nasa.gov/missions/art...

“Blue Marble” (1972) “Hello World” (2026) We are so lucky to live on this remarkable blue oasis in the darkness of space.

In a review of a book by author Richard Vague about colonial merchant Thomas Willing, you can hear the writer high-five himself as he arrives at: “Vague is clear that Willing was unwilling.”

“All authors are using AI now” Not true! A lot of us use the sentience that was preloaded in the biological packaging we inhabit.

After the bathroom light burned out during morning ablutions, my wife saw me reading the New Yorker by the glow of the bidet remote.

“Mr. President, you said that the United States is going to ‘bomb Iran back to the Stone Ages where they belong.’ Can you be more specific? Will that be all three of the Paleolithic, Mesolithic, and Neolithic eras? Or a combination of two of them?”

Reid Wiseman is the Artemis II mission commander. Marc Eigner was his freshman-year roommate at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. The two are lifelong friends.

This is wise and good. undark.org/2026/04/01/s...

ME (on Artemis II): Did I leave the housekeys in the front door?! oh no stop the countdown

(Real cover. 🤐)

“The Gulf of America is home to the Kemp’s ridley sea turtle, the world’s smallest and most endangered species of sea turtle.” www.nytimes.com/2026/03/31/c...

Good week in the Willamette Valley.

This is wonderful news. (And great timing for this spring's pledge drive!) apnews.com/article/trum...

Let the person who recently went on a geology class field trip cast the first stone.

We can always count on this White House to do the Reich thing. wapo.st/41ynLnZ

Don't mind me. I’ve just been in a bad mood ever since learning the Bayeux Tapestry is actually an embroidery.

Craig Newmark (the founder of Craigslist) is a cool guy and a decent person. To say he’s an outlier among billionaires would be putting it mildly. www.nytimes.com/2026/03/30/o...

Are you an A-side visitor or a B-side visitor?

“Anomic aphasia” is a condition where a person knows what they want to say but cannot recall the specific words, often using roundabout descriptions instead.

I've always had trouble taking pills, but now I just put them in a bit of cheese. Then I think "Cheese!" and gulp down my Lipitor or Flintstones Multi-vitamin Chewable.

*high-pitched voice* oh no

Write a poem in five words:

They turn a colt shoulder to the facts.

As Berlin was being bombed in 1943, this joke went around the city: The Nazi regime is over, judgment’s been passed, and Göring and Goebbels are about to be hung. Göring (the Luftwaffe commander and know-it-all) says to Goebbels, “As I told you: This whole thing will be decided in the air.”

ME (writing with a Sharpie): “The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.” MY WIFE: I think your protest sign would be more effective with a simple “No Kings!”

POPE LEO: I'm pleased "Project Hail Mary" did well. Prepare its sequel, "Assignment: The Entire Rosary."

"RACE FOR A CURE" 😄 www.wsj.com/style/beauty...

ME (opening pdf of my new book) ADOBE ACROBAT:

"Seasons in the Sun" voice: 🎵 Goodbye to you, creamy spinach noodle I've known you since my first doodle Au revoir, dear mac and cheese Ate you up, then said 'More, please' Goodbye to all, I slowly sigh When I was going to maybe make a pie But the tuna and the cream Like the seasons, were a dream.