If I were Penelope, my challenge for the suitors would have been OTEV.

I'm invoking Zeus's law next time I show up at the afters.

At the end of the day, I think the Toy Story franchise is so successful because it’s about something we can all relate to — the horrors of immortality.

As someone who devoured British literature in my youth, I assumed I’d spend much more of my life recovering at a friend’s estate for weeks after I was rained on a little bit.

No one ever chooses “deformed recluse who rings the bells of Notre Dame” for Career Day and I think it’s a shame

It's always "SING TO ME, O MUSE!" and never "How's YOUR day, O Muse?"

It's Oscars weekend! Which means it's time to drop my top 10 films of 2025, something I only do after seeing every movie nominated in every category (forgive me, I'm ill). This year I saw 108 features released in 2025. These were my faves. If I left off your fave, choose to believe it was #11.

Last Olympics I was so done with figure skating but Alysa Liu has made me fall in love with the sport again 🥹 Read my thoughts over at Slate! slate.com/culture/2026...

Ladies short program had thrills and heartbreak and Alysa Liu is now my mental health role model slate.com/culture/2026...

The pairs free skate was so good and I got to hear the score to Gladiator TWICE! Read my thoughts over at Slate! slate.com/culture/2026...

New piece is live! Pairs short program lifted me out of my post-Malinin blues! slate.com/culture/2026...

New piece up! The unthinkable happened! Nothing is certain! I may never live this down! slate.com/culture/2026...

How it feels writing about my own sport

I'm now learning that there's such a thing as "jinxing" something. New piece coming tonight after I wipe all this egg off my face.

This is the FINAL time I will explain the difference between ice dance and pairs. Ice dancers have wider, U-shaped snouts, while pair skater snouts are more pointed and V-shaped. Pair skaters prefer saltwater habitats, while ice dancers inhabit freshwater marshes and lakes.

Finally worked up the courage to write a piece about ice dance even though I am but a simpled minded pair skater: slate.com/culture/2026...

slate.com/culture/2026... Decided to be extra bold with my predictions after the short program!

I’m covering figure skating for Slate during the Milan Olympics! Check it out and take a peek inside my brain, which has surely been damaged by Zamboni fumes. slate.com/culture/2026...

Need more stories about celebrities who met a fortune teller as a child and were given a haunting prediction that didn’t come true in the slightest.

is spending time with a valued friend lovebombing

Turning and turning in the widening gyre The falcon is circling back in January; Things fall apart; the inbox cannot hold

A real circumnavigation, if you will

Sometimes you enter a space and you can just tell that no one here has seen Morvern Callar.

British people absolutely went off with “Father Christmas.” Like yes, that’s exactly what they would call him.

SOUND OF FALLING (2025) gagged me a little

It’s crazy that I can’t get an Ella McChicken at McDonald’s.

I fear this will cut the box office receipts in half, but I need to let you know that Ella McCay does not do the shoe thing from the poster in the movie. I deliberately did not take a bathroom break because I was scared I would miss the shoe thing and then there was no shoe thing.

Autumn Sonata

I can’t explain it but Shakespeare in Love is a Thanksgiving movie, spiritually.

I guest hosted on today’s new episode of Keep It with @louisvirtel.bsky.social and certified lunatic Gus Hickey! Listen as we fall into a folie à deux discussing Grammys, All’s Fair, Lux, Frankenstein, and for some reason the 2019 Madonna song God Control.

same vibe tbqh

When you’re going through Hell, keep an eye out for any amazing sales in their lovely stores!

Yes, it’s hard to motivate to go to the gym. And while I’m doing it, it’s torture. But the feeling after? Even worse. No part of this is good.

Is it me? Am I the drama? I don't think I'm the drama... Maybe I am. Am I the villain? I don't think I'm the villain. #johnproctoristhevillain

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only gay guy without an acclaimed off-Broadway show.

One must imagine Cookie Puss happy

You are your ancestors’ wildest dreams. You are your descendants’ deepest cringe.

Oh, you’re a morning person? How capitalist.

I should be able to pay extra to get notes on my singing from the human who’s remotely operating my Waymo

An important thing for my mental health has been to switch from an age-based metric of self-worth to a LOOKS-based metric.

Gen Z is cool and all but have they ever killed the diamond industry

WGA Statement on ABC’s Decision to Pull Jimmy Kimmel Live!

reading a book about china. apparently the government there has sent federal forces into cities, taken shares of major private enterprises, slapped tariffs on industries, and pressured media outlets to fire people they politically disagreed with. didn’t know this.

my house is literally on pretty girl avenue btw

For every second they waste checking in YET AGAIN on this awful Emmys bit, I'm donating money to the Nakamura Foundation.

Sometimes the author photo ruins the whole experience.

We teach Christophers to shrink themselves. To write their name as “Chris S” on the karaoke sign-up sheet…

Me talking to a twentysomething at the bar

Watching K-Popped. I’m concerned Patti Labelle thought she was doing a soul competition and not a competition in Seoul.

My feelings on Survivor Australia vs the World