why is it cloudy and raining

most viral video of my apartment of all time

its kind of an uncle’s dream to have your nephew be a member of jackass

why does my cat look like a peep that came to life reddit

samantha being the only girl on satc with bangs is an indicator of her alternative lifestyle (bisexual pervert)

i wish carrie bradshaw could be my copilot on flight simulator

free slice friday at wrigley’s

still havent been able to try sprite flea because the grocery stores hide all of them when i walk in

just drank the soup that makes you steal

I seem to have misplaced my insect companion while passing through Lostant, Illinois. Luckily my destination is Foundant, Indiana where he will surely emerge from hiding.

maybe the actual obamalisk is within a chrysalis of the current exterior and on opening day the outer layer will flake off to reveal its true form…

when the fountain starts going crazy style its like no need to squirt miss… you have my full attention

best way to call out to a friend in the street is to exclaim “Yoo-Hoo!” and wave your big handkerchief at them

as a child i had an imaginary friend called Welsh Rarebit, and we spent many rainy days puddle jumping and building mud castles. when he got too sogged i would bring him inside and wring him out til he was as thin as a leaf, then i would let him dry by the hearth through the evening. by my bedside h

getting into lasagna bed and pulling the pasta noodle and sauce over me like so many down comforters…. then my head can rest peacefully on my pillow of cheese

june……………..or if all else fails july

missing a sandwich i last had in 6th grade

i wish i could grow new teeth so i could chew faster and more powerfully

Interesting…

im starting to feel like the mac & dennis move to suburbs episode of always sunny #ThePeoriaPrecipitate

ira napping peacefully means its time for my yelling and shooting men movie

how the Next Episode button looks at me on hour 6 of the top surgery recovery The Other Two marathon

percocet has rendered ira completely impervious to my ragebaiting and japes

it literally feels incredible to windows down blast madonna while driving to the Hy-Vee to get pop tarts in rural illinois

you may wonder why why j wellington wimpy struggles to afford a hamburger despite being handsomely paid as a municipal judge, but the sheer volume of hamburgers he is consuming daily has put him in never before seen levels of culinary debt. he is eating upwards of 300 hamburgers a day and the cost o

u can just walk into a hospital and they’ll give you any surgery you want no questions asked

✅

I Need Fruit Stripe Gum

this summer is going to be all about disney bounding ken russell characters…. essence of pierrette twiggy here i come

real chicken or the egg situation for dog owners and puffer vests

i’m constantly getting emails from this ai startup founder named “Robert Charming” about his POS system Bikky… and i guess Leina is the version of me i would have to become if i wanted to work in corporate

I think I might go out for ice cream this weekend.

Your Thairapist Elmwood, NE

sorry yeah i’m not gonna make it tonight, i just got hit with an unexpected burst of flavor

sweet potatoes waiting to cross the street… they’re just like us

finding motivation to clean the house by using “can look at a few pictures of the 1893 world’s fair manufactures and liberal arts building” as a reward

imagine if humans needed to get their shoes nailed on like horse..would you choose based on comfort or something you could take from day to night with ease

they need each other to live

WHAT THE FUCK. Mosasaurus is NOT a dinosaur. It is an AQUATIC REPTILE.

Just visited my Doctist (teeth and rest of body specialist) for the dental bulbosity I’ve been experiencing as a result of my sweet tooth engorgement. My options are full excavation or bicuspid protraction, though the latter would result in mammoth-like tusk protrusions throughout the buccal regio

just realized they made it legal to get bubble tea during lunch #MySweetToothIsEngorged

Hollywood, hear my plea. The Sequel must be vanquished.

My associate, Bill Dollar, and I would like to view your wares. We’re interested in machines and files that could assist our clients with their grease expenditures.

Feeling completely fungible this evening.

if i had an ice cream store the flavors would be: - PeanutBlunder - Morning Mist - Arf - Raw Egg - Lobster Bisque - Earring - Warsaw’s Delight - Nuts and Bolts - Hamburger Hinderer - Pelt - Sprite Cream - Toothpaste - Ghost - Baseball Toppings: Orbeez, C&R Sprinkles, Crunch Coat