Have just found that my partner of 28yrs has never seen Jurassic Park and has no interest in doing so. I don't know what to do with myself, feel like I should report this the authorities or something. Every Gen Xer saw this, it was a univerally shared moment growing up.

We seem to have missed out on a lot of our targets in the last 2yrs. Maybe the 'other 14' are also missing tagets at a similar rate behind closed doors. For #nufc its been very public and those in charge must know they look a bit amateurish atm. Thats what I'd like our journalists to ask.

Big Dan #nufc

We're 4th favourites, but beating Argentina and France to win the world cup, well that would just be the end wouldn't it? What would be the point of football after that? We'd have to close the Premier League, mark it 'football, completed it mate.'

Quick question. Has anyone ever won Ballon d'Or by heading the ball away from danger? Asking for my for my mate Dan. #nufc

Dont have a problem with that being overturned, he is obviously looking for it. Bbut I think we've sold Gordon at the right time lads. He'll never get a pen again with that rule. #nufc

This better not be a subtweet about my Dolphins suck post.

One if the reasons I don't go to the dentist as often as I should is because he insists on calling me by my longer, birth name, its unnerving, I've told him repeatedly. I'm tempted, but don't have the guts to give him a hard stare & say that he's one of 4 people to do that & the other 3 are dead.

Ah well, everyone leaves in the end. Shearer left, Cabaye left. Its a pity English football is broken. #nufc

This is fine gif. This is obviously fine & in no way a problem. The super rich love losing money & definitely won't raise prices to offest losses. Good to see the rules working. Deloitte review: Premier League clubs’ pre-tax losses surge by 600% to £948m www.theguardian.com/football/202...

You see this joke just often enough that your reaction is, do they really believe this? No, no, they can't, or can they. No. Surely not.

Somebody wake up Keith Allen. Tell Hooky and Sumner to sort it out. Uncancel David Baddiel. It. Is. Happening.

Cue to much of middle America going back to performatively hating soccer, to the obvious frustration of actual American soccer fans, who IME are committed, knowledgeable & generally a good bunch.

Clearly I hope Belguim bury the USA here, which is a shame because its good when the hosts do well & the USA has been one of the more fun attacking sides. But I cant be bothered with a political argument. Europe/USA are fundamentally different societies.... 1/2

Do, do I want Portugal to win? With Ronaldo? Is this what Tuchel's England had reduced me to? Realistically thinking who we might prefer to face in a final? Disgusted with myself

No, UEFA and FIFA just really hate each other. See also, the existence of the FIFA Club World Cup.

Jim Morrison plays the rest of the lads his demo for The End:

Not sure what Norway are doing here. On the few occasions they have tried to move the ball quickly they've cut through Brazil's midfield. But they keep checking back. Slowing the game down. Feel like they're going to be undone by a bit Vini Jr magic and left wondering how they've gone out.

So they dont show the angle on VAR where the player from the commercially less improtant team gets a touch on the ball. Interesting.

Its this kind of shit that gets on people's tits.

Still marvel at the family meeting where they decided to do all this. Someone must have asked, what's the con and who is the mark? The answer well the con is the presidency and the mark are the people of the United States of America.

Its funny when its not your team this is happening to.

Has a team ever had negative Xg? Think Paraquay might be be part way there. #thefootball

Ah, bedtime it is.

I do this every year at the halfway point and it usually makes a good playlist - What’s the BEST 2026 TRACK you’ve heard so far? (Just one track please!)

Two thoughts re Tonali, firstly this isnt the same Spurs we've had for most of our lives. Post Levy if they spend 70% of wages like other clubs this'll be a problem for us. 2nd a prediction - Lewis Miley will play for England this season. #nufc

Everyone on #nufc is their true selves atm, but more so. The negative ppl are resigned to losing all our players. Ppl who read everything are sharing 100 X screenshots a day. Its a bit frantic But in 2mnths we'll have bought /sold a few. Have about 8th highest wages & then play some football games

This is a little bit 'its all about me' isnt it, rather than the team being the main thing. #cricket

I cant imagine Stokes going beyond the Ashes. So Pak 3, SA 3, Bang2, Aus 1 & 5. He has, a maximum of 14 tests remaining. He needs 50wkts and 762runs to become the first to 8,000 runs/300wkts. Could he get both? Is 300wkts now more likely than 8k runs? #cricket

We ride again! #nufc

Hard to believe that the system of governance which built the worlds richest & most powerful democracy in 170yrs then defeated fascism & communism can be so weak.

Tesco is extending its Kids Eat Free scheme to 7 days a week over the summer, where children get a free meal with an adult purchase, but honestly, this detail about how small the adult purchase can be broke my heart.

So I'd guess, and this will obviously be wrong, that Iran, Uruguay & Ecuador finish third but dont get to 3pts. Scotland & Senegal get 3pts with a negative goal difference. Every other group has someone on 4pts.

Making 'there', 'here' if in fact, here is Manchester.

If Sandro wants to move, thanks & all the best. But of all the players we might sell, his replacement is already in house. Miley should be given the chance rather than an obstacle #nufc get so many benefits from giving Miley the No 6 shirt & problems if we dont There's risk, but we should go for it

The weird thing about Tonali is that Spurs have been known as a soft option for players for years. Tonali has said, one of the things that impressed him about #nufc was during the pitch we told him what he wasnt good at & how we'd change that. During the ban they rebuilt his running gait.

There is a weird lack of ITK accounts claiming they know *insert Prem Lge team* frst six fixtures ahead of the release this morning. Has Prem Lge cyber security been enhanced to an incredible degree? Were all the ITKs bullshitting for engagement? Hard to tell.

www.maptap.gg June 19 86😁 96🏅 97🔥 95🏅 89✨ Final score: 928 Solid if unspectacular scores. A Fulham-esque performance.

While many will be talking about xG tonight, we should also be talking about xV: Expected Violence against women. Domestic abuse can rise 38% if England lose and 26% if they win. Stand with us. Support domestic abuse charities. t.co/P7RJTliWzQ | t.co/egbJaKLCjy

www.maptap.gg June 17 97🔥 95🏅 95🏅 96🔥 89✨ Final score: 937 Talked myself out of a really good score for No 5.

Going live to VAR control.

www.maptap.gg June 14 95🏆 96🔥 98🎯 95🏆 84😂 Final score: 924

Can we start using this generally?

Like a good genre movie, every WC has certain beats, the hosts/fairytale qualifiers & Brazil's 1st games. The 1st shock & the 1st great game between two good sides We've had the 1st shock 🇧🇷 vs 🇲🇦 could be the first great game. Like 🇪🇸 vs 🇵🇹 in '18 or 🇮🇹 vs 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 in '14 WC might kick into gear tonight

www.maptap.gg June 13 97🔥 96🔥 88✨ 98🔥 87👏 Final score: 924

And he's obviously, desperately unhappy.

www.maptap.gg June 11 94👑 96🏅 95🏅 100🎯 92🎓 Final score: 956

Wrapped my first short for BBC Comedy.

Had never heard of the events associated with the first place. Incredible story! www.maptap.gg June 10 99🎯 99🎯 93🎓 96🔥 89✨ Final score: 939