Can’t wait to get off work, chain smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and take four Benadryl to go to sleep

Am I the Daisy to your Luigi or are you fuckin with me

SPACEBALLS 2 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

I guess I forgot when you grow up that your mom doesn’t care that you threw up 😔

My pants smell like FUCK

A double feature movie date? What if I just show you the entirety of ‘Fleabag’ and hand you my beating heart at the end of it

ROSE FUCKING TYLER???????!!!!!???!

Mario Kart means sex right?

Hannah Montana milk pillow

I don’t buy groceries unless I need Dr. Pepper

I’d be making butter on it #mrdarcy

Yaknow, Gojo is kind of like Cher

Keep my cigarettes in the same pocket as my inhaler what up

Seth Rollins looks like my hot cousin #trust

Had a hot pocket for breakfast, who wants to have sex with me?

Please for the love of god someone give me $1000

Not a fan of assless chaps

I need Walton Goggins like I need air to breath

If I suggest Waffle House and you say “what about IHOP?” You suck

Alright, who up collecting they pages rn

If you are wearing a belt I SHOULD NOT SEE YOUR ASS CRACK

Guys Liam Payne fucking died

For someone who loves to talk so much you’d think I’d brush my teeth more

Left pussy lip out #jeans

I think I wouldn’t be so anxious all the time if I had a British accent

JAMES MARSDEN AS CYCLOPS SOMEONE PIN ME DOWN IM SEIZING

Avoiding watching porn cause that means I have to start my day after

Hate when I mute a porn ad and the porn starts up muted too 👎🏼 fuck is that

My penis 🗣️My balls 🗣️My wiener🗣️ My tip 🗣️

Someone give me $75 so I can buy 100 lego b-1 battle droids

All my homies hate bitches who talk on the phone at work instead of doing their fucking jobs

Sorry to the customer I just helped but you should not “start your morning with a good murder mystery”

R.I.P. Car Rat 2025 😔✊🏼

Honestly I probably wouldn’t know to stop a kidnapping cause I’d just be yelling to shut that kid up

If you say your favorite Pokemon is Pikachu, you don’t like Pokemon, get the fuck out of my face

I don’t think I’ve ever had a hot meal

Made my dad laugh by typing “I fucking love this place!!” Into the Chilis receipt survey

Idea: what if everytime a customer asks me where the bathroom is I respond “awww peepee baby needs to pee? Awww”… thoughts?

What’s weirder than being on the phone in the bathroom is when you have it turned up so loud I can hear the other person, cause now we all on the phone and I’m just trying to pee 👎🏼

When I meet an attractive man at a party and decide to sleep with him I always make it a practice to ask him if he's married the next morning.

If there’s one thing that can get me to stop thinking about a boy it’s flooding my house. Thank you God for all your mysterious work 🫶🏼

The penis is the nipple to the balls if you think about it

(Old crop of the big tentacle page cus I like this one boob smoosh)

I can’t wait to get into a relationship so I can become the worst version of myself again