Oldest turned 9 today. She asked for costco pizza and the Chinese buffet, but my stomach could not handle both, so we agreed to go on Father's day because let's face it. I do heavily fuck with the buffet

Never would have expected @ifycomedy.com to perform down here but got to see him tonight, hell yeah

Dost thou yearn for the progressive death metal of olde?

Once Matt Pike finally realized the earth was flat and woke up, he could no longer be a member of Sleep

We asked an alien to sketch what they thought German American would look like

I got the apple music link here if you wanna stream this. Should preorder the album though, I've heard it and it's the best death metal of the year

Not going to the gender essentialist store, my wife does all the shopping, do you need her to get you anything?

I know we get forgotten a lot as a state, but some of Louisiana got real fucked up by flooding from that storm. I'll keep an eye out for any legit relief efforts that pop up

Got called to do a quick wellness check on my wife's uncle with mobility issues who wasn't answering his phone. Dawg this old man just had his phone on silent while watching Thomas the Tank Engine

I think hammering my back is working both for strength, overall well being, and definition

Listening to and hyping this black metal demo that fucking rips for pride month and also because it fucking rips

Named after Eurynomos and his famous black metal band Meyham

Oldest's birthday tomorrow and she asked me to be home all day, so I added my second bench day in with back I think I got enough volume lol: 195x3 220x3 245x3 255x1 260x1 215x5 185x8

Haven't put up 245 on bench for any sort of reps since fixing my form, and I just got 3 that felt real nice heyoooo

Listening to Knocked Loose and bench pressing. I'm not like other dudes, I swear

Messaged a buddy who knows how to cook way better than me what to do with all these chanterelles we got yesterday lmao

Not going to the gender essentialist store, my wife does all the shopping, do you need her to get you anything?

So Jelly Roll divorced E. Clair, do I have this right

Doc diagnosed me with being horny for my wife. Says it's gonna last forever

What do you want me to say? That on paper, Night at the Opera should be impossible? That it feels like an inhuman feat of composition? That on any given day, it may be my second favorite Blind Guardian? Fine, I'll say all those things

Lifted before my delivery drive tonight so at least I'm not tired

After all, why not? Why shouldn't I get another LOTR tattoo

I'm not incredibly moved by a piano driven ballad from an album based on The Silmarillion. Why do you keep saying I am? Shut the fuck up

Song hard as fuck, nigh unrivaled. PUSH BIG WEIGHT

SICKOS RISE UP THIS SHIT FUCKS SO HARD

Noticed some of these in the woods and now foraging with the kiddo

Oh the woman who wrote this was HORNY, get it girl

Oh my god this bitch is so stupid he thinks one old restaurant reopening means the entire state is good

Albums that you immediately listen to because of the art

Bumping bangers for pride month (ok let's be real I'm always bumping this) Gonna be hyping more shit from the homies all month so watch out

The song Cloven Hoof by the band Cloven Hoof on the album Cloven Hoof File under "shit that fuckin' smokes"

Sets up from last week, still 5x2 200 205 210 210 205 Here's my first set of 210

*doctor entering his office in the morning* Wow, I am so glad I studied all those years to become a doctor and learn all about the human body so I can really make a difference in the world *Woman walks into his office* Hey what's up chunky, anyway all your problems are because of fat

How many anarchists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but damn your wiring is awful and also we can probably find you a way better light fixture for cheap secondhand

Played too much Melee with the kids. Youngest now says she is going to marry Captain Falcon.

Can we please start putting the peanut butter and jelly next to the condiments at all stores. They all go on a fucking sandwich and should be together

Religious imprints are such an insane thing because I am a grown ass man who will happily go around yelling "I'M IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN, OBEY HIS COMMANDS" but ask me to use a ouija board and I'm like nah because...what if

Everything is simply "heavy metal" when strangers ask what I'm listening to Although one time a guy said he liked "really heavy stuff" and I went alright then, here it is

Dawg we gotta stop giving comedians any real social status

I drink one after both lifting and nutting

Still lifting and the tunes are righteously violent

Got some max effort reps in for 1 rep bench. Pecs screaming and I still have more lifts 😐 235 lbs 265 275 250 250 255

I jus discovered this in the last year or so but it's one of the hardest metalcore albums ever

HEAVY BENCH PRESS TIME

I'm not a metal historian, but was Darkest Hour the first to do Slaughter of the Soul-core? Hidden Hands is the peak of the genre for me, but they dropped this banger in 2000

Lmao holy shit I still remember every beat of this. Not exactly redefining deathcore but it's fun, which is more than can be said of many deathcore alnums

First listen of the day because why the hell not

The smartphone, an incredible device that's now widely used while taking a shit or for jacking off. A cumpooter that fits your hands.

It's so they can cup it before the pre-breakdown catchphrase

UFC fight at the White House only streaming on Paramount +. Send tweet in 2021