🚀

Considering having a burly curly autumn

He always dumps the best loads when he comes over.

🤴🏻💦✨

I love the word “wonky” sfm

PlantCon Dallas this weekend

I just think that men with big asses

Lowkey need just one therapy session so that I can figure out how to finish the most recent season of The Boys, which I stopped watching over a year ago because it was introduced to me by my Ex and that association is strooooooong.

I if watch Billy Elliot (for the first time), am I gonna cry? 🥹

I love rubbing on satin sheets

I’m a console over desktop kind of guy.

Do a barrel roll!

I’m so groovy and so horny

Right now I feel like Pluto by Björk

I wanna go back to swampland

I just love flora

A lot of ppl don’t know this, but I frequently quote Pharrell Williams on Gwen Stefani’s bonkers 2006 single, Wind it Up: “she crazy right?”

My first pair of crocs have been shipped. What kind of giblets should I use to accessorize?

Louis Garrel’s nose omg

The way I want 80s—early 2000s Jeremy Irons to rail me is so ugh.

I’m actually not jerkin’ it right now and am instead researching noteworthy ancient necropolises.

I got you under my skin, and the love profusion—you make me feel, you make me know…

Feels crazy to buy a bottle of wine at 7am in scrubs, but Miss CEFCO, it’s about to be my bed time 🥰

Dial in

Showing my parents Dead Ringers (1988) by David Cronenberg. Wish me luck?

I got a pocket got a pocket full of

Still amazed at all the weird psychopaths who continue to mourn the loss of that fowl, evil skid mark podcaster.

I love being such a big puta

You want a nice girl, but you need the bad pussy.

Told a friend I was horny while cooking and then took his dm suggestion literally. Video in the comments.

Drained and so satisfied

Lately I’m into guys who have hair on their shoulders and who have that diamond shaped patch of hair 3 inches above their ass crack. So, like Italian dudes, Turkish men, and Mestizo men? Who am I missing? Drip your hairy body pics below.

Quick handful of pine nuts that I chased with a shot of amaro before heading to the market. I feel posh.

I don’t think anyone in history has ever been as switched on and ready to go as Gina Gershon in Showgirls.

A Republican professor I had in nursing school wants me to hop on an episode of her new podcast “Middle Class Matters” as a featured guest. What the fuck do I do? 🥴

A little more sun before work

L’amour

it’s 🔥 outside

but maybe it was worth it for all the daylight I got to see for a change.

My inherited Benjamin Franklin Quaker ass morality tells me I should flip my schedule to normal people time whenever I’m off work for more than 3 days in a row, and I just know this time flip fucking business is going to age my ass so hard.

I love the weekend

what gif pops up when you type your name

alarms on my phone going off silently while I sleep is always so scary 🫣

this is fucked

Is it fair to cut strings with a fling over a hickey? I’m dreading going into work today 🤦🏻‍♂️

beautiful morning

I get cuddly

blurry pregame

dirtbag