Bobsled fans bringing a sleigh to slide around in-between the action

Today is like the Super Bowl for your friend's gambling addiction

Average chiropractic appointment

I can only imagine how awkward the conversation must have been when Jeffrey and Ghislaine realized Bobby's a sustenance hunter

Signs of the emerging diplomatic tensions between the US and Iran include reports of a "Supreme Leader of Iran Marco Rubio" name tag being printed in the Oval Office

The AI task force's AI summary to recommend limits on the power and water consumption of anyone complaining about data infrastructure. #CDNpoli

Conservative Americans find themselves briefly interested in hockey as Panarin's trade to the Kings the only case of a millionaire leaving New York after Mamdani's election

Battles of the bands is overwhelmingly turn-based combat, which is why my real-time combat version is about to really take off

This poll needs to be stapled to every news report about Alberta Separatism. 71% of Alberta agreeing on the desire to stay in Canada is the absolute high water mark of agreement among Albertans on any topic. You could not find 71% of Albertans to agree which direction the sun rises from

Quinn Hughes continues to smash Minnesota Wild scoring records, but a significant force behind that is the bar for breaking a Minnesota Wild scoring record for defencemen is like get 6 assists. Score even one goal.

Elon Musk has combined the operations of SpaceX and AI to ensure he can put the first CSAM on Mars

BREAKING: Wiarton Willie predicts global temperature increases to push past several climate tipping points causing irreversible damage to the physical and biological systems that undergird life as we know it unless we transition away from fossil fuels.

Poilievre passes Calgary leadership review, marking sharp rise for support of Alberta separation in every other province #cdnpoli #abpoli

I think it's highly suspicious that only mimes are running into these supposed invisible boxes everywhere

Love that the only impact the average citizen can make against AI companies is to goad other overly-litigious corporate overlords to battle them like two Kaiju destroying each other for world dominance

Would be more interested if the home for all of David Brooks' writing were to be at the bottom of the Atlantic, personally

"Either you're with me or you're against me" I urge the person on the other side of the ring who has spent the last 30 minutes repeatedly trying to punch me in the face

My resumé is two pages long. The first page is the entirety of my work experience, the second page is five star ratings and various pull quotes from my boys

I learned to drive the old fashioned way: attached two training wheels to my car

Number one use case for math remains calculating how old a celebrity's wife was when they first met

Asking the server to "leave some room" when they pour my water to cultivate some mystique

Super-human intelligence of AI on brink of achieving an even shorter email summary

Doing something incredibly stupid just to impress a tiny percent of the people in a room is actually the most relatable thing premier Smith has ever done #Abpoli #CDNpoli

To keep current with trends I'm starting a podcast with video elements. Will be adding audio once enough money comes in to afford some mics

Another bank turned down my start-up loan application despite my private equity pedigree, as their lack of imagination only saw "a string of failed businesses"

Rejections to the Board of Peace to be met by the crippling tariffs of love

I have never seen ground be made with Alberta separatists when making high minded arguments about trade, currency, or actual separation logistics; however when conversation turns to the humble Power Ranger and their combined strength when combined into the Megazord, well

With Carney uninvited from the Board of Peace and Macron turning down his invitation pressured has increased on Putin to start bringing in some downstreams

It's inevitable that the Trump board of peace will be building a NY headquarters that can only be viewed by slowly panning your head upwards and will have constant lighting and red storm clouds circling it

Carney uninvited to join Trump’s ‘Board Of Peace’ alongside Putin, Netanyahu, Lex Luthor, Megatron

Heated Rivalry being disqualified from winning an Emmy is grounds for Canada's invasion of Alaska

Those videos of dogs losing their minds when they're reunited with their owners after X months apart have nothing on how I act when I reunite with my cats after an 8 hour work day

Venezuela, Canada, Greenland, Denmark, as soon as Trump figures out which of these countries is Norway he's Jan 6-ing the hell out of the Nobel committee

To counteract renewed American Imperialism Canada preparing guerilla force of speechwriters across the country

He's comparing eating fried chicken to a Kafka novel, which also hurt his throat to eat

Should the Oilers retire Nuge's number? They should retire his number, they should retire the last names "Nugent" and "Hopkins", they should retire the name Ryan across the entire organization

AI prompt checking if you'd like the word "summarized" summarized

Lost my first hotdog eating contest. The judges were apparently looking for speed and didn't appreciate my focus on technique, creativity, and elegance

The New York Rangers retool will be focused on its core players. No not the good ones, those are gone, but the core players. #NHL

In reaction to backlash against West Jet's addition of an extra row of seats on commercial flights, further cramping an already uncomfortable experience, West Jet has decided to remove its passengers legs below the knees. Of course ticket holders can opt out of this service for an additional fee.

Ragebaiting my boss by doing job horrifically wrong. "Lol thanks for the engagement" I say, getting escorted out by security

The Edmonton Oilers and Marc-Andre Fleury have reached an agreement on a 1 year, 2 Million deal; "awful idea" both sides concluded "this would make all of us worse off." The deal would have seen the future HOF join a team brimming with ~.890 sv% goalies - a truly dogshit plan. #NHL

To an extent I appreciate the need to take the Alberta Independence movement seriously but the irony of trying to host your separatist event at “Canadian” Brewhouse to be told to leave and then pivoting to “Swamp Donkey” needs to be highlighted.

Mark Carney bravely stands with the victims of international acts of aggression; meekly stands with the perpetrators

RFK Jr. responds swiftly to nationwide cheese recall by adding Listeria monocytogenes to the food pyramid

Mark Carney to fulfill constitutional duty to Indigenous consultation by allowing B.C. Coastal First Nations to pick how they will say yes to the proposed pipeline from government's pre-approved list of options #cdnpoli

The Carney government unsure why public so protective of children; a demographic notoriously uninvested on oil infrastructure #Cdnpoli

Psychic: 11:57pm December 8th, 2057, hit by a drunk driver Waiter: I meant "tell me when" as in when I've grated enough cheese

Received a 2FA security code that was 600600, which felt incredibly soft. I could make up a dozen better ones and I'm not even a computer

In an attempt to hasten Alberta's pipeline approval Danielle Smith has reportedly been in communication with American counterparts, asking them to scribble "British" in front of Columbia on Trump's list of proposed regime changes #ABpoli #Cdnpoli