Played gay softball today.

Oh. Hi Paddy..My name is Justin 😅 #SNLUK

Me: Yeah I love being punished. The punishment: Eating a microwave quesadilla with unbearably spicy habanero sauce. Specifically the one from Trader Joe's.

Just watched my week fly by via pill organizer and I’m not sure I how I feel about this thing any more.

We need more aggressive twists on shows like Love is Blind. There's an AI woman. A man proposes. The viewers are losing their shit. During the reveal someone that looks like Scruffy from Futurama wheels out a computer.

Honestly Samira, Mama Javadi, Ogilvie, and ICE can all fuck right off. #ThePitt

Drafts!!

Oh you mean this is the altercation that happened before the police body cam footage used in Episode 1 of the entire series? Sink that production company immediately.

Do you ever just want to have a smoothie, but you accidentally spill a little, so then you go grab a paper towel but there’s only one sheet left so you have to replace it, and then you go to recycle the old tube but the bin is full, so now you have to take the bin outside to be emptied? Yeah.

What the fuck lol

I literally winced when Jeff Probst said “sandbags” when he was explaining the challenge.

Shoutout to all the half-Irish half-Venezuelans out in the world. Today is your day.

Well ain’t that just a beautiful home run if I ever did see one. #WBC

On heavy rotation on my 2026 soundtrack. (Yes I know this song came out two years ago)

Emotional intelligence is sexy. Full stop.

Alternating between my phone and a book at the airport so that the grown ups don’t think I’m a degenerate millennial who can’t afford a home because I order avocado toast.

I am “I Asked My Mom if She Had a Spare Pill Organizer” years old.

Since uber likes to assign me the driver furthest away, here’s me waiting.

On my first Southwest flight since they sold their souls to the devil for this new boarding process. *shakes fist*

I’ve been able to tolerate a lot of #ThePitt but I did not need to learn or see what degloving was.

Lmao sorry baby Jane Doe keep looking. #thepitt

Pitch an unnecessary sequel: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

Absolutely not. #Survivor50

Picky eaters, respectfully, ya’ll need to really step up when someone asks “where should we eat?”

Has anyone sent this to Adam Levine?

My Doctor: I also want you on 81mg of baby aspirin. Me: I’m baby.

Me (finding parking at a hospital): Well at least if I hit somebody the hospital is right here.

Off to bed* *play leaf green for another hour or two before falling asleep with the switch on my chest while the battle theme plays on repeat.

┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| ┻┳| ┳┻| _ ┻┳| •.•) lets go #TeamMexico ┳┻|⊂ﾉ ┻┳| #WorldBaseballClassic

Does anyone actually write on the back pages of their legal pad? Idk feels inconvenient.

I forgot how awfully tedious leveling up Pokemon were in the early gens. I'm such a rare candy girly.

Happy to be home with my boy.

Finally, kitchenware I identify with.

You jealous bitch. #ThePitt

A hot new bombshell enters the villa. #ThePitt

Man I am so hot for Rick Devens in this episode. #Survivor50

Crushing a row of Oreos for dinner because my parents aren’t the boss of me anymore.

I’m not good at football or basketball. I’m probably really good at something like paddling a kayak to a floating coffin and retrieving a shield to protect myself from murder from the traitors.

Mexico vs LA Dodgers? Venezuela vs DC Nats? Are these World Classic exhibition matchups intentional?

I don’t need Leaf Green for the Switch but I REALLY wanna play Leaf Green on the Switch.

Needing to take off a band-aid in areas where you have hair is really just cruel.

Those who already run [GBA] emulators, are you still playing Fire Red/Leaf Green on the Switch? If so, why?

Do the Etsy witches have anything else coming down the pipeline or are they still laying low after you-know-what?

HBO Max literally cannot keep a name for longer than a year.

Who asked for these gag reel ass video edits on the Traitors reunion?

It is a damn skill to steer straight men away from showing you a YouTube video in a social setting.

I’m so stubbornly old school I’m going to restart Pokemon Blue on GB amidst everyone replaying Leaf Green and Fire Red.

Haven’t had the chance to watch Traitors yet but I’m just so so grateful for my meta algorithm and stories for keeping me informed and up to date on who won! 🥰

Going to the grocery store hungry…. On purpose 😈

Whenever Tyson is back on TV I always use this opportunity to remind the world that I once faced him in a dance battle at The Parlor in LA. Commissioned by Parvati. There is no photographic evidence.