I love and welcome bandwagon fans but there is still nothing funnier than a “sprotsball” guy trying to 1. Speak authoritatively about sports or 2. Make a non-sports narrative fit the team’s story / style / season.

Personally I think it’s beautiful that the Jays have been good since there was still frost on the ground and still, STILL, everyone who gets paid to talk about baseball looked at their lineup for the first time this week and went hmm… Ernie Clement… never heard of him, Yankees in four.

The Jays were the best team in the American League and were still left for dead by every fucking loudmouth talking head, blogger and journalist, half of whom are now admitting they didn’t even bother to watch them this season. I hope they’re drunk until Tuesday.

“They’re acting like this is their World Series” is my favourite cope because are they acting like this is their World Series or are they acting like they dismantled a team in a series they were unanimously picked to lose despite beating their asses all year and finishing as the best team in the AL

💅🏻

Thinking about July 2(?), when Davis Schneider was talking about Springer after the game and he said, “He’s our captain, he’s our leader, and he’s still got it.” 🥹

Man Aaron Boone was so right. I am gonna remember this Cam Schlittler start for the rest of my life.

START SPREADING THE NEWS BITCHES on live TV might be the best thing that’s happened this year

Someone get me Mark Feinsand’s number you fucking piece of shit head so far up the Yankees’ ass you can see the stars American bitch

I am taking tomorrow off to read UnfortunateMLB

The Jays have been scoring big all series while my friend washes the dishes. He has been washing the dishes since first pitch. He is currently washing his oven racks. I love sports.

Bring Hoffman in just to throw at Judge

Oh my god I am going to tear my hair out and light my scalp on fire

SOMEONE IS GOING TO HAVE TO PITCH FOR MORE THAN FIVE OUTSSSSSS STOP GALAXY BRAINING YOURSELF INTO AN L

This game SUCKS lol

I cannot DEAL WITH all this fucking galaxy brain over management

Sarah and I are singlehandedly bringing back #teamunit (this may be our fault)

I don’t think we should be legislating based on how happy the laws make people actually

Catching a cold one day before vacation

Someone recently told me if I’m applying for like, admin assistant jobs, I should take my master’s degrees off my resume. Whatever you do don’t think about what I could have spent those tens of thousands of dollars on instead!!!!!

Omg WHAT do I have to do for the Reddit app to stop sending me anti-union posts from the Canada Post subreddit, I have never once engaged

I can’t believe I had the most annoying day ever and it wasn’t even karmic balance for the Jays winning tonight

Please come back and win this game so I don’t have to learn any lessons from this

I took so much shit for cheering for the Yankees in the wildcard round because I thought they’d be a better matchup for us and I have never been more right in my life

Hey guys I found the man in white

My mom in the fourth inning of game two

WHY DID YOU THROW TO SECOND LMFAO

Do you think my friends are getting tired of me blurting out things like “I am going to beat IKF to death with my bare hands” in the middle of the Bachelor in Paradise finale

Let’s fucking go oh my god

John Schneider reads my texts

BLAKE TREINEN RETIRE BITCH

The Sportsnet TTC ads having Nylander, Rielly and Knies on them is perfect, more companies should advertise directly to me and Sarah

No good art comes from greed: defector.com/taylor-swift...

Crazy that anyone in this city is thinking about the Leafs right now

God love McDavid but the Oilers could have $50 million in cap space specifically for goalies and would still end up with Vesa Toskala in net

I can’t believe the Jays nearly blew the division because they gave the man in white a couple weeks off

You’ll never guess what I’m doing

Yes to start shit, did Wells say something to Ernie when he crossed the plate on that first homer?

It is soooooo funny that we always come back to “Okay but can they win under the big bright lights of New York????” I personally am not worried that a team entirely comprised of Yankee Haters is going to be intimidated by the big scawy fans in the Bronx, no.

The Yankees let a team who they believe to be unequivocally inferior humiliate them on back to back nights. I am not personally concerned that they’re going to come out of a game where we plated a baker’s dozen runs feeling “too good” about themselves.

If the Jays had an outfielder out there limping around like Bellinger is right now I would be having an aneurysm

The Jays are not blowing this game and if you’re not a Leafs fan it’s stolen valour for you to be whining about them right now, sorry!

Travelling back in time to tell myself that it’s the seventh inning of game two of the ALDS, the Yankees have the bases loaded for Aaron Judge and I’m not even a little bit worried.

I can’t believe how much I love Varsho. I was some wrong about that trade.

TWO. TRUE. OUTCOMES.

Oh no the tying run is up in ten batters

Is this the best day of my fucking life?

I love my boyfriend the Red Sox fan

I love manufacturing runs as I always say