Sunday moodboard 💕😌✨

Guess who cried in bed all day

Fellas, is it gay to Crank it to Hank?

This morning the grief is so heavy. Grief often feels inconvenient. I want to work, socialize, do anything but lay in bed and cry. But grief demands to be felt. Please share something that made your heart smile recently

Thank you SO much for being patient with me during this time. Some days I can easily stream for 5 hours and have a wonderful time. Some days even just 1 hour feels like a slog. Regardless, y’all are there. Thank you. 💛

I’m live on Twitch! Having a tender day, so join for some gentle, low-key vibes. Twitch.tv/Cheebs

Everyone on this app is so nice to me, I’m just laying in bed crying at all of your beautiful words. 🥺

I know I talk about grief a lot, sorry not sorry. I often feel like I’m being dramatic about how depleted my energy is right now. I’m imposing so much judgment of how often I need naps, or need to adjust my plans for the day, or can’t get as much done on my to-do list.

I am now entering the phase of grief where I feel overwhelmed by people calling me. So I don’t answer, and the idea of calling them back gets so built-up in my head, that I just can’t bring myself to do it. My social tank is empty, but I know it’s good for me to keep people close right now.

I love bed so much

goooood morning! grab your coffee and join me for a morning science-deep dive. we’re learning about the science of 👻 ghosts 👻 today! Twitch.tv/Cheebs

Saturday streamin’ Doing a sponsored segment with Sonic Rumble (#ad), and then having a chill evening. Come over here with ya bad self. Twitch.tv/Cheebs

Tonight’s stream was absolutely absurd. I just can’t seem to find the words for the kindness y’all have given to me over the past few months. My heart is ow. I’m so grateful. Thank you.

No because why am I starting to feel guilty for expressing my grief so openly. No one’s made me feel bad for doing so. But it’s been 2 months, yet it feels like I find out for the first time every day. But I feel weird about feeling “stuck”.

Okay, my algorithm on here is showing me a lot of thirst traps of hot, gay men and I’d like to believe it’s my brother showing me a sign.

🌱 live 🌱 Playing RV there yet? with the the mods! Twitch.tv/Cheebs

Happy November. 💛🌱 I’m live over on Twitch! Playing No, I’m Not Human. Twitch.tv/Cheebs

Just really missing my brother today.. I want to say grief is a nasty, awful thing… but I’m try to be compassionate towards it. To visualize it as a person who needs to be held and comforted. So, I’m sitting with her today. And letting her express the love that remains.

New YouTube video is up! I’m super proud of this one. I hope you like it. 💛 youtu.be/UlYI4GJwYcg?...

How do I make sure he’s not getting red-pilled

Show me what your pets dressed up as for Halloween right now. This was my dog a few years ago

Today was the longest stream I’ve done since losing my brother. Most days, I can only manage an hour or two. But today flowed so naturally, and felt like I caught a glimpse of “normalcy”. And that gives me so much hope. I love y’all. Thank you for being patient with me. 💛

I usually go all out for Halloween on stream , it’s my favorite time of year on Twitch. 
But I’ll be real with y’all… holidays are hard for me right now.
So today we’re keeping it chill. A cozy Halloween stream, games with friends, and maybe some scary ones later 🎃

what I’m focusing on over the next year 💕

When I adopted Jake, I didn’t realize how much we’d help each other heal. His owner had passed away resulting in him being surrendered. Soon after adopting him, my brother passed. We both lost our people, but we’ve found comfort in each other. I love you, Jakey.

For me, grief feels heaviest in the mornings. The anxiety upon waking up is almost immediate. Sleep is a brief intermission from reality, and when I wake up, I remember everything. I hope mornings get easier. 💛

We just like… have to keep folding laundry for the rest of our lives and I don’t want to accept that.

Okay so here’s the thing Saying “I’m not racist” as a white person just misses the point. Being white means benefiting from systems built on racism, regardless of your beliefs or intentions. And the goal isn’t to deny that, it’s to stay aware of it and DO something about it.

I have cancelled the holidays this year, just wanted to let y’all know

New Video is up! My first time hitchhiking after a night of solo camping! youtu.be/U-Tw-hCpQk8?...

nothing hits like the moment you decide to leave a social event

One unexpected thing about grief is realizing how little I’ve cared to check my CCV or viewership over the past month. I have no idea what the numbers look like, and while I know they matter for us full-time creators, it’s been freeing to let that go for a bit and not care.

The thing about grief is that you eventually return to ‘normal life,’ but still feel so far from your ‘normal self.’ It’s a terrible feeling. Wanting to be present and enjoy the moment, yet feeling unable to.

this is how September felt

live over on Twitch! hanging out, playing sledding game with the community, maybe some waterpark sim after. 💛 Twitch.tv/Cheebs

there is still joy to be had. in the breath you give to aspens, in the book you were reading, in stillness, in “thought of you” gifts, in meals shared with friends, in hobbies you loved. in the sorrow, in the heavy. joy lingers. and i will try to feel it.

I’m live on my Twitch channel, starting a playthrough of Spiritfarer 💛 Twitch.tv/Cheebs

thank you for your kind and loving words. as i navigate this new chapter of grief, the kindness of both loved ones and strangers means more than i can ever put into words. hearing about your own experiences with grief makes me feel deeply seen. accepting help is hard, even in grief. thank you 💛

I haven’t hopped on here in a minute. Recently my big brother unexpectedly passed away, and I’ve been in the trenches of grief. I miss him. Every day hurts. But it’s going to be okay.

Hey all. I’ve been away from streams and some socials because I am navigating the grief of unexpectedly losing my brother recently. Due to that, I am taking time away from stream. right now @littleleggies.bsky.social is live on my channel for me. Go show her some love. www.twitch.tv/cheebs

SUMMER FOREVER

YUP… The rumors are true I am starting Wind Waker for the first time!!! Twitch.tv/cheebs

Frickin’ 5-head over here

New YouTube video is up! Solo camping without a tent! youtu.be/a5MxmfmF9fo?...

You know what’s super cool? The fact that Instagram updating their app to show your live location without your permission and that the update dropped while I was solo backpacking. Instagram actually sucks for that. Why was this ever approved

I have to do things every day and I’m SICK OF IT

Went and played some #Peak with some friends IRL, hope that’s okay!

Just accidentally butt-dialed @littleleggies.bsky.social while telling the dog I’m babysitting she’s a ‘good girl.’ So from their perspective, I called just to whisper ‘good girl’ a few times with no context.

OOPS IM A GINGER NOW Watcha gonna do about it huh

Ever since I was a small girl I always knew I wanted to grow up and embarrass myself on the internet.