Really hoping the novelization of Saved by the Bell digs deeper into Zack's ability to freeze time.

I'm just learning this now but apparently it WAS a pipe the whole time, and Magritte is fucking liar.

Lexicographers: A definition should not use the word it's defining. Programmers: Recursion is the pinnacle of awesome.

Did not have to go this hard meme did not have to go this hard.

That time when they were deciding on the debate format for Lincoln and Douglas, "it'd be weird if we didnt go with Lincoln Douglas debate format, right?"

Feel like this dude spent $50 billion on an app to tell him he's superior to anyone, when you can just write your name on a napkin, ask questions to the napkin, and accomplish the same thing.

Picked up a nasty meth addiction and can confirm, not a boomerang.

Ukraine like, "Dude, we don't need you to draft our surrender. We've been able to surrender at any time."

Section 61 of the internal revenue code ("income means all income from whatever source derived") always triggered me for using a word in its definition.

RFK was just like Sanford, who hid from the governorship after he had "crossed the lines" with dozens of women but none like his Buenos Aires mistress whom he considered the love of his life: old.

The internet stopped being good when people took down the "under construction" gifs. Yeah, they looked ugly, but the thing they built is more fundamentally ugly.

Trump's true policy beliefs are those of whoever was last privately in the room with him. This explains why he sometimes makes speeches about sink and toilet water flow. "Guess the maintenance guy came by again."

Tariff policy creating an economic disaster? Blame an immigrant. Unpopular in the polls? Blame an immigrant. Losing elections? Blame an immigrant. Descending into senility as you lose your hold on the party? Blame an immigrant.

Amend section 1983!

US politics ranges along a spectrum from serve corporate interests to serve corporate interests with bookends of "help people regardless of innate characteristics" and "hurt people except for my innate characteristics" at the extreme left and right respectively.

I'll admit it's pretty funny that the "part of an ongoing investigation" exception to the Epstein bill means Trump has to order investigations into himself and other Republican friends and NOT into the Democrats in order to selectively release what he wants.

When you order a diet coke and they bring you regular coke.

Relatedly, studies have not ruled out the possibility that we are in a simulation, that unicorns don't exist, or that hurricanes are caused by negative thoughts. Apparently there's some kind of limitation on unfalsifiable claims.

Trump spycraft is always so unsubtle. It's like, "Trump announces covert operation to be run by undercover operative Bob Jones, who looks like this picture and will be going under the alias Hernando Jones."

This isnt something young staffers do without higher ups in the campaign organizing and talking them into, imho.

Really disappointed we didn't get a signing ceremony for the Epstein bill with all the implicated perpetrators invited.

I didnt even realize you could buy a family of four at the grocery store.

Whelp, whaddya know. it wasn't just a principled stance in defense of child sex trafficking after all.

DOJ has real "Humpty Dumpty" energy in its legal filings and arguments. The Comey one today is a great example: "I am under specific orders not to disclose whether someone at the DOJ circulated a memo arguing there wasn't probable cause to indict Comey."

I'm not sure it's accurate to say Comey was indicted at this point.

I'm under orders not to tell you if this very very specific thing exists.

Kinda wish we had a single word for all religious bigotry. Like, we have racism and racist for races. But we have to do the specific--e.g. antisemitic, islamophobia, etc.--for religions without a single unifying word.

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." Not that impressive. Like 99.99% of the world doesn't know I exist and I don't even have goat legs or anything weird like that, so I'm much more plausible.

oedipus: that's not a riddle. sphinx: DO IT. oedipus: 100 percent not a riddle. you aren't even asking a question, just making a demand. sphinx: DO IT. oedipus: it's not a riddle. sphinx: MAKE A TIER LIST OF WHICH BIONICLES ARE THE MOST FUCKABLE. DO IT.

"I'm an island of one, I don't get invited to parties, I don't have any friends. People typically don't wave back when I wave hello. I have a dog, but it hates me. I was legally emancipated at my parents request against my objection..."

Maybe we can persuade ICE to deport itself.

So the bill now goes to the President for his artistic rendition of a vagina.

I get that this is just how polls are and that these are terrible numbers for Trump, but it's still weird to me that there's 38% of people who "approve" of Trump. Like, in my mind, "approve" should be at 5%. Like, the same people who believe Lizard People run the world from an underground city.

If AI succeeds, everyone loses their jobs to AI. If it fails, everyone loses their jobs to market crash. "A strange game, Professor Falken."

Epstein files gonna be like, "Barack HUSSEIN Obama promised victim #4 a role on his television show the Apprentice in exchange for..."

He has the sex appeal of Emperor Palpatine.

I believe they will scrub the Epstein files before release. But I also believe they are bad at this sort of thing, and they'll leave behind evidence that they scrubbed the files.

When word reached me that Lizza had discovered a revelation, my heart fluttered like a silk ribbon in a summer storm, because nothing, nothing, stirs the soul quite like learning that a veteran journalist swept away by fresh intrigue would share it, drenched in adjectives, corseted in metaphor.

In the latest episode of Tim Robinson's The Chair Company, there's a scene at a high school kid's party and as the camera pans we hear overheard snippets of conversations including the line. "Let me know when youre done speaking cause I have something much more interesting to say." Bravo.

Pennywise coming after me, using my fears against me, and the clown just hands me a stack of papers and says there's a coding mismatch with the healthcare provider's CPT and the ICD-10 code, and I'll have to call the insurance and get it corrected with them.

If they want to actually get the Epstein files released, throw in a bounty and whistleblower protections for anyone who releases qualifying Epstein documents that arent released as part of the official process. Make it a big bounty.

I read a book on fuzzy logic as a kid and it shaped my thinking for decades on just about everything. I'm obviously no expert, but though I'd share the basic idea for those unfamiliar. So many debates online are definitional in a way fuzzy logic solves (for me at least). /1

Nuzzi to Bernstein: "It will follow you. Someone gave it to me, and now I give it to you. It's very slow, but it's not dumb. The only way to escape it is to pass it on to someone else by having sex with the subject of your story."

"Come with me if you want to poop."

Haven't heard the details of the Eric Swalwell charges yet, but I assume it's going to be something along the lines of "he failed to disclose his house would be used as a business center despite his daughter having once sold girlscout cookies in the neighborhood."

There's typically an American bias that people who are wealthy would make good decisions for the economy and I think it's exactly backwards. People who've "won" at tragedy of the commons go on to screw the commons harder.

If there's one thing the American people can relate to it's the hassle of having to get up from your late night glass of wine just to send $500 million.

Feels significant.