Happy Mage Monday to the Mark Gottlieb of the Disco.

You know things are blowing up behind the scenes when multiple message you saying "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that person."

"It's just the name of the thought experiment. I'm not trying to call your AI an ethnic slur." ~ John Searle, on the Chinese Room, probably

My thoughts on the latest Taylor, Swift: - Tory is hitting the ball clean, but not giving enough hangtime to give coverage a chance. - D'Andre has been showing improvement, but needs to be getting more YPC to make the offense churn. - They're the same record as that Kelce fellow. #ChicagoBears

Welp, that letter very well ended a 15 year friendship, so I hope that fuckwad is happy.

I know no one actually keeps track of this, but yes, October 3 is also an Independence Day from the British.

I know it's pure coincidence the Bears and Packers both have a bye week at the same time the Cubs play the Brewers in the NLDS, but you know the vibes will be magnificent because of it.

Waffles? Spilled juice? Jesse Singal? Fuck it, I'm grabbing a copy of phpBB and leaving the Social Media experiment behind.

fuck ice airing commercials during dynamite, let em know: help.hbomax.com/us/Feedback/ tbsnetwork.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/req...

Going to call a shot now, but those were both Aristocrat slot machines in that Young Bucks opener, so I wonder if a AEW x Raid Shadow Legends crossover incoming?

It's officially October 1st so that means you all have to repost Assorted cheese hell.....yes

I don't need to know why you're following me here. I just assume you are trying to suss out where I hid the rest of Old Man McGillicutty's Gold. To that I say once again that I'll never tell and I'll take the secret to the grave with me!

Remember the distinction Banging a military spouse: Jody Banging an ICE agent's spouse: Local Legend

Going back through the meme folder on my computer. I apparently made it 4 years ago, so enjoy. #MTG

Hey #NFL #Stats friends: with the international game, all 4 NFC North teams each play today at a different time slot. How often has this happened before?

"Fortniteification" is really a misnomer. If we're going to blame anyone for a massive cross-property circlejerk, I'm calling out the United States Drug Enforcement Agency first and foremost.

"A smart tennis player can beat a strong tennis player five games out of seven" Biggs Calderhead yells as he steals my tennis bag from off the sidelines and drives off with my Mercedes.

Personally, I'm looking forward to running a Vintage tutor package of The World's Most Homoerotic Demonic and the "Are you serious? Right in front of my salad?" Vamp.

Universes Beyond sets that would lead me back to MTG: - Bust-A-Groove (PS1) - The collective works of Christopher Guest - "Santaland Diaries" - The Jack Benny Program (1932-1955) - Batman Forever: Music from the Motion Picture - The 2006 Chicago Bears

Don't worry y'all, no rapture today, false alarm. I got there at 9 this morning and they immediately started into a sales pitch for a time share in Fort Lauderdale.

You know what's *really* responsible for causing autism? Belzenlok.

"Hey guys, St. John here, welcome back to the channel. The Kingdom of Heaven flew me and a few other VIPs out to Patmos for a sneak peak at The Rapture, releasing this Tuesday, and I'm here to tell you what to expect."

I don't care about Labubu. What I want is Heyabubu, so I can have a plan to steal another picci-nic basket.

I love the magic of Pro Wrestling. No where else can you see The Actual Factual Real Life Son of Luke Perry, and his partner the man who believes himself to be a dinosaur.

Society fell apart the moment they stopped including custom visualizers with our music and screensavers with our PCs.

Per modern sayings, if I had a nickel every time an event happens, I'd have 2 nickels. If I had a dime per event, I would have Zero Dimes. If I had a quarter, I'd be rich. This has all been a euphemism for wealth accumulation, hasn't it?

One of my favorite memories is playing the demo version of THPS2, which had a High Score competition on the Marseille map. 13 year old me grinded attempts listening to Dub Pistols on repeat.

A lot of insecure men sweating right now, dreading the matching "top 5 Bulls of all time" post.

So, uh, anyone want to set up a writer's room? I can do voices.

This would normally be where I would call for a boycott of the ESPN app vis-a-vis the WWE WrestlePalooza debut this weekend, but honestly I doubt any of you were gonna watch that shit anyway.

I'd be following this advice today if I wasn't busy preparing a lecture for the University of New Jersey regarding my work on Quantum Computational Theory.

None of you are picking C and you're all cowards for doing so.

Miffed to find out Fox's "Murder in a Small Town" is not related to 2001's "Murder in Small Town X". Now I'll never figure out which one did Bittersweet Symphony.

Given they have announced DLC for DK Bananza and the yet-to-be-released Pokemon ZA, I fully expect Nintendo to further infuriate the Mario Kart World fanbase by patching out all 3-lap courses later this evening.

Me: "That's the most accurate shooting I've seen in Utah since--" Lauri Markkanen: [Teleports behind me] Markkanen: "Ei mitään henkilökohtaista" Markkanen: [Snaps my neck with an elbow strike]

I'm headcanoning that Goben and Fleem exist as the MTG counterparts to Pinky and the Brain or Dick Dastardly and Stanley. You can hear Goben give some monologue about his ingenious plan of the week; only for Fleem to push a button too soon, everything explodes, and Fleem laughs as Goben yells at him

Really, not a single one of you is talking about the Universes Within Romantic Rendezvous art? Y'all are letting your Short King friends down.

"Garlic? Silver? Holy Relics?" The agent shook his head. "We've tried it all. None worked." "Keep researching. There has to be something out there that can get the Kelce family off our televisions."

Okay, which one of you at WotC is the The Who fan? I just want to talk.

Your regular reminder Ghost Rider Johnny Blaze is canonically from Waukegan, IL. All those monologues about being the Spirit of Vengeance and dragging people to hell should be done with the thickest Chicago-Midwestern accent applied. Thank you for your time.

Recording a biographical short about the early forefathers of EDM, set to music, and narrated by David Duchovny. Calling it "Giorgio by Mulder".

Silksong? Incorrect! You should be talking about NewSong and their 2000 smash holiday hit "Christmas Shoes".

Happy anniversary AEW fans. 6 years ago today, Chris Jericho won the inaugural AEW Men's Championship, then immediately lost it in a limo while eating at Longhorn Steakhouse. 🤼

Cursed realization Gritty : Philadelphia :: Juggalos : The Rust Belt

I think the reason Pritzker doesn't get the same attention as a presidential hopeful as Newsom is that the average Newsom supporter is the most annoying Boomer on your Facebook feed and the average Pritzker supporter is a burnt out Millennial who wishes to be a mounted warrior riding the high steppe

IRREGARDLESS

A few notes for people planning to protest at NS Great Lakes over the ICE deployment. 1) North Chicago is not near Chicago. It's at least 40 miles north of Downtown. 2) There is a Metra station at the Naval Base. Union Pacific North Line out of Ogilvy Station, look for signs to Waukegan or Kenosha

Taco Bell rethinks AI drive-through after man orders 18,000 waters. 🧪 www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Thinking of watching through One Piece from the beginning as a motivation to use my exercise bike every morning.