Commander's Herald
@commanders-herald.bsky.social
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Your #1 Source for Satire Made To Sound Like Magic: The Gathering News!
âHi, Iâm Joan, and Iâm playing Vanille and Fang from Final Fantasy XIII. Clearly they are gay, the game basically confirms it, and WOTC are cowards for not giving them Partner in the first place. Iâm probably a bracket 2? I donât know that system super well, but itâs about a power level 7.â
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Urza/Tergrid Player at Commander Pride Event Insists Partner Pair is "Queer-coded" | Commander's Herald
GAY, GA â The Herald took some time away from interrogating AI chatbots and harassing Wizards management to head to our local game store and participate in a game of commander for Magic Presents: Prid...
https://commandersherald.com/urza-tergrid-player-at-commander-pride-event-insists-partner-pair-is-queer-coded/
3 days ago
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"Broadly speaking, this is what evil clerics such as my character, Bleak Badpriest, would do if given a powerful, destructive weapon such as the popular Sphere of Annihilation or hundreds of Minuteman III Missiles.â
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"It's What My Character Would Do," Says Hasbro's New AI As It Prepares to Wipe Out Humanity | Commander's Herald
PATUCKET, RIâ According to reports from Hasbro Headquarters, their new AI model trained to play Dungeons and Dragons has gone rogue. Having gained access to the United States nuclear codes, itâs expec...
https://commandersherald.com/its-what-my-character-would-do-says-hasbros-new-ai-as-it-prepares-to-wipe-out-humanity/
4 days ago
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"Hello. I am Richard Garfield, legendary game designer behind Magic: the Gathering and King of Tokyo. Please be mindful of token limits in your account when asking questions."
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Is Magic really the game Richard Garfield created anymore? We ask his AI Counterpart | Commander's Herald
SEATTLE, WA â Over the past few years of Magic: the Gatheringâs history, a number of prominent changes have occurred which more established players have found foreign. The rise of complexity via FIRE ...
https://commandersherald.com/is-magic-really-the-game-richard-garfield-created-anymore-we-ask-his-ai-counterpart/
6 days ago
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We all drew straws to see whoâd have to write this boringly obvious piece and I ended up being the unlucky gal, so letâs just get this stupid thing over with, yeah?
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Our Obligatory Thor's Hammer Joke | Commander's Herald
[Long, drawn-out exhausted sigh] Â Look, you clicked on this article. You knew what you were getting into. They spoiled and it turns out that any creature is âworthyâ if itâs legendary, white and/or r...
https://commandersherald.com/our-obligatory-thors-hammer-joke/
9 days ago
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In the video, two gamers are playing a game of Magic with cards hard to discern due to the issues inherent in generative AI video. However, one card does become visible at the :34 second mark, played by a competitor with a coquetish grin that quickly melts into his chin for a few frames.
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AI Arena Commercial Accidentally Generates Perfect Format-Fixing Card | Commander's Herald
Redmond, WA â Using a new in-house generative AI program trained on internal assets, Wizards of the Coast today released a new commercial for their Magic: The Gathering Arena product. Keen-eyed viewer...
https://commandersherald.com/ai-arena-commercial-accidentally-generates-perfect-format-fixing-card/
11 days ago
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âYâsee, when our employees first came to us with this union business, we thought it was a phase. Like all children, our employees would of course be rowdy and unruly at times, but deep down we knew we were all a family and it would all blow over.â
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Eager to Prove Workplace Is 'Just Like a Family', WOTC Begins Deadnaming Trans Employees | Commander's Herald
The following is a recounting of recent work done by The Heraldâs elite Agents Locating Prominent Harmful Associations/Bigotry, Establishing Tolerance, & Making All Free Information Available (aka ALP...
https://commandersherald.com/eager-to-prove-workplace-is-just-like-a-family-wotc-begins-deadnaming-trans-employees/
12 days ago
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We can all dream of a better world. Won't do you much good, but you can.
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[Interview] "I come from a universe where Hillary won, Brexit didn't happen, and March of the Machine Aftermath was a couple of commander decks" | Commander's Herald
Groom Lake, NV â I admit, I was filled with equal parts anticipation and nervousness as I was led through the empty steel corridors by the soldiers (donât worry, I donât die in this one.) I was grante...
https://commandersherald.com/interview-i-come-from-a-universe-where-hillary-won-brexit-didnt-happen-and-march-of-the-machine-aftermath-was-a-couple-of-commander-decks/
12 days ago
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Onlookers say Kruell then did a running frontflip into Bennington, sending any remaining cards and MTG accessories on the table at the time flying and causing the wrestling crowd to break into a roar of cheers. âA few even said that they were âthe tableâ for some reason."
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Magic: the Gathering/Pro Wrestling Crossover Event Ends Abruptly Following Table Mishap | Commander's Herald
CICERO, IL â Chaos erupted over the weekend as a Paper Cube tournament was brought to an abrupt end after the feature match area was destroyed by a pair of brawling wrestlers. The event, which was run...
https://commandersherald.com/magic-the-gathering-pro-wrestling-crossover-event-ends-abruptly-following-table-mishap/
17 days ago
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We donât get to decide the outcome. All we get to do is decide how to react. The moment we accept that, dear reader, the game becomes a lot more fun.
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We Can't Control The Table, But We Can Control The Board | Commander's Herald
Yes we know Sen Triplets is a thing. Shut up. Thereâs a moment in some Commander games where you look around the table and realize the world is absolutely on fire. One player has a combo engine hummin...
https://commandersherald.com/we-cant-control-the-table-but-we-can-control-the-board/
18 days ago
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âLook, union dues are a lot.â said Cocks while wiping his ass with 2-ply $100 bills. âImagine spending some of a resource now to ensure you get a lot more later. What kind of self respecting Magic player does that?â
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Wizards Reminds Employees Instead Of Union Dues They Could Pay For Slightly Nicer Spot In Secret Lair Line | Commander's Herald
âHere at Wizards of the Coast, weâre like family, and family extorts each other all the time.â added Cocks with a tear running down his eye.
https://commandersherald.com/wizards-reminds-employees-instead-of-union-dues-they-could-pay-for-slightly-nicer-spot-in-secret-lair-line/
19 days ago
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âWe donât care! Stop thinking so much! Stop engaging with our products as the result of artistic design and craft! We make products, okay? Not art. Products! Stop looking at and talking about our âartâ and just buy our fucking products!â
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WotC: "Kirk is Bant Because We Say So, Shut Up" | Commander's Herald
Today, in an unprompted statement, Wizards of the Coast announced the following: âCaptain Kirk is Bant because we say so. Shut up.â This bizarre and unexpected statement was made presumably to follow ...
https://commandersherald.com/wotc-kirk-is-bant-because-we-say-so-shut-up/
20 days ago
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With all the recent controversy about alleged art theft and if beloved octogenarians should continue to make art for Magic, I got to thinking: Why donât we have a scale for how cancelled people are?
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Mocking Magic: Dan Frazier and the 'McNeill Scale' | Commander's Herald
10 years ago, Magic Head Designer Mark Rosewater formally codified the Storm Scale in a December Edition of his column, Making Magic. In the column, Mark described how he developed the ill-named, unof...
https://commandersherald.com/mocking-magic-dan-frazier-and-the-mcneill-scale/
21 days ago
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âAll the breakup clichĂ©s came through. âItâs not you, itâs me.â âI just need space to find myself again,â and âI hate your moles. Theyâre so weird. Why do they smell like licorice? Moles shouldnât smell like licorice, Richard! Go to a doctor!!â ClichĂ© stuff like that.â
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Guy Tracking Life Totals Clearly Getting Broken Up With Via Text | Commander's Herald
Neglecting their game, three Commander players were captivated by the collapse of a 5-year relationship scrolling by on the guy's phone.
https://commandersherald.com/guy-tracking-life-totals-clearly-getting-broken-up-with-via-text/
24 days ago
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âWe noticed a roughly one week dead zone in between Reality Fractureâs October release and Star Trekâs November release where we wonât be making as much money, so weâre proud to announce that weâll be releasing âInnistrad Re-remastered'."
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Wizards Takes Cue From Nintendo And Announces "Innistrad Re-Remastered" | Commander's Herald
Irvine, CA â Following the May 6th announcement from Nintendo that they plan on remaking Star Fox 64 for somewhere between the 3rd and 6th time (depending on who you ask), Wizards of the Coast has rel...
https://commandersherald.com/wizards-takes-cue-from-nintendo-and-announces-innistrad-re-remastered/
25 days ago
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This question prompted Commanderâs Herald to begin unraveling Scruggsâ dilemma the only way we know how: by being really fucking nosy.
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"Is it me?": My Planeswalkers Keep Entering With Zero Loyalty Counters | Commander's Herald
CUMMING, Iowa â A strange occurrence has rocked a quiet Iowa town. Bimpo âStinkyâ Scruggs, a frequent player of planeswalker-centered Commander decks at Cumming Comics and Adult Novelties, has been re...
https://commandersherald.com/is-it-me-my-planeswalkers-keep-entering-with-zero-loyalty-counters/
26 days ago
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âMusk always came in saying that he had this super cool Mechanized Production deck, and all the other CEOs for some reason agreed that that idea had merit. But the deck never actually worked."
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Dear CEOs: Please Find A Cooler Way To Kill Me | Commander's Herald
Silicon Valley, CA â I, Red of the Commanderâs Herald, believe that I speak for the whole world when I come to the various tech and finance CEOs among the billionaire class and say: Please, weâre begg...
https://commandersherald.com/dear-ceos-please-find-a-cooler-way-to-kill-me/
27 days ago
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At press time, it was estimated that the resources to run the Momir Vig Memorial Data Center would cause the ecological collapse of the entire state, but at least a billionaire will get to have a good time for a little bit.
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New Data Center Built Specifically for Jeff Bezos to Play Momir | Commander's Herald
Mesa, ARIZONA â Though there is already one in town, Mesa City Council has announced that a new data center is being built so that Jeff Bezos and his associates can play a physical version of Momir, t...
https://commandersherald.com/new-data-center-built-specifically-for-jeff-bezos-to-play-momir/
about 1 month ago
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âWhy donât you take those 3 copies of Mogg Fanatic over there and go make one of those gameplay puzzles you love so much?â
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WOTC Proudly Displays Mark Rosewater's 'Mood Swings' on Office Fridge | Commander's Herald
RENTON, WA â âOh, thatâs what youâre here about,â says Wizards President John Hight, as The Herald sits down with him to ask about the upcoming release of Mark Rosewaterâs opus Mood Swings. âYeah⊠weâ...
https://commandersherald.com/wotc-proudly-displays-mark-rosewaters-mood-swings-on-office-fridge/
about 1 month ago
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Pressed for the specifics on how a baseball team would even begin to convert itself to competitive Magic, Cohen had this to say, âEasy. Our $330 million payroll was enough to cover almost all of a meta deck."
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NY Mets Announce Pivot to cEDH to Make Their 37% Win Rate Acceptable | Commander's Herald
The New York Mets announced they will cease baseball operations and pivot to cEDH, to try and make their .375 winning percentage seem better.
https://commandersherald.com/ny-mets-pivot-to-cedh-in-effort-to-make-37-win-rate-acceptable/
about 1 month ago
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Like, sure. I get it. When you were young, your parents let you watch Alien and Hellraiser for some reason, and it permanently warped your perception of what an attractive person looks like. And yeah, you have body dysmorphia. We all do. Thatâs why we play Magic.
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[Opinion] Stop Pointing at Elesh Norn and Going "Body Goals," It's Weirding Everyone Out | Commander's Herald
Chicago, IL â Seriously, cut it out. I need you to understand that when I say âYouâre scaring the hoes,â I mean us. Weâre the hoes that youâre scaring. Like, sure. I get it. When you were young, your ...
https://commandersherald.com/opinion-stop-pointing-at-elesh-norn-and-going-body-goals-its-weirding-everyone-out/
about 1 month ago
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At one point a group of hags busted through the door, but before anyone could unsheathe their weapons, the interlopers realized they were early for knitting club and politely bowed out.
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Depressing D&D Campaign Begins With Characters Meeting In Church Basement | Commander's Herald
the cleric rewarded the others strange coins with differing lengths of time etched onto their faces. When the rogue asked how they might acquire such a treasure, they were politely informed it wasnât ...
https://commandersherald.com/depressing-dd-campaign-begins-with-characters-meeting-in-church-basement/
about 1 month ago
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âItâs getting harder and harder these days to find Felix on things. He used to be the talk of the town, but now everything is Disney or whatever that Pockymocky thing the kids are about these days. Itâs good that todayâs youngins remember their elders.â
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Felix the Cat Secret Lair Appeals to Magic's Key Silent Generation Demographic | Commander's Herald
THE VILLAGES, FL â Over the weekend, Wizards of the Coast unveiled their latest Secret Lair release, focused around cats from Pop Culture and beyond. And none are more excited for the release than the...
https://commandersherald.com/felix-the-cat-secret-lair-appeals-to-magics-key-silent-generation-demographic/
about 1 month ago
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Weâre trying something a little different today. Recently someone described one of my articles as, âA low effort handjob.â First of all, I need to say thank you. If my writing is making men uncomfortable and making them squirm a little bit then that means something is working.
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In Defense of the Low-Effort Handjob | Commander's Herald
Well hello there, gorgeous. Weâre trying something a little different today. Now nobody get mad here, but recently someone described one of my articles as, âA low effort handjob.â Howâs your flute gam...
https://commandersherald.com/in-defense-of-the-low-effort-handjob/
about 1 month ago
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Every card will now prominently feature Stan Leeâs name printed directly on top of the artistâs credit. A Disney executive has assured fans that this credit doesnât mean any of the profits will go to Leeâs family.
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Wizards Cuts Pay for Artists as an Homage to Marvel Comics History | Commander's Herald
SEATTLE, WA â To coincide with the upcoming Universes Beyond: Marvel Super Heroes, Wizards of the Coast has announced a very special homage to Marvel Comics History. They have chosen to cut the pay of...
https://commandersherald.com/wizards-cuts-pay-for-artists-as-an-homage-to-marvel-comics-history/
about 1 month ago
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Heâs thus far given us incredible takes like âwhat if the five Strixhaven colleges were the other five color pairs, had stupid concepts, and belonged to a different, less well-named university?â and âwhat if Chandra Nalaar was a fucking cop?â
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OPINION: Reality Fracture Proves Straight Men Can't Write Fanfiction | Commander's Herald
In Fridayâs announcement regarding the upcoming Reality Fracture standard set, Wizards of the Coast has presumably unintentionally proven the well-known adage that straight men canât write fanfiction....
https://commandersherald.com/opinion-reality-fracture-proves-straight-men-cant-write-fanfiction/
about 1 month ago
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âHell, youâve probably heard of Duskmourn, right? Plane filled with a demon-infested house that likes to make dangerous rooms? Even they donât technically have any ballrooms, because of what happened the last time someone unlocked one."
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Report: Ballrooms Are Actually The Most Dangerous Rooms in Planar Multiverse | Commander's Herald
Washington, D.C. â After a recent assassination attempt at the same hotel where former President Reagan was shot, current American leader Donald Trump proposed building a safe and secure ballroom to h...
https://commandersherald.com/report-ballrooms-are-actually-the-most-dangerous-rooms-in-planar-multiverse/
about 1 month ago
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âUnion is such a combative, nasty word. My son hates me, but he still takes my allowance money every week. Thatâs the sort of long term devotion we want from our wage slaves and code monkeys."
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BREAKING: WotC Erratas 'Union Of The Third Path' To 'Family Of The Third Path' | Commander's Herald
RENTON, WA â A surprising rules shakeup was announced outside of the usual Banned and Restricted cycle yesterday when Hasbro CEO and amateur fart sommelier Chris Cocks announced that the company had r...
https://commandersherald.com/breaking-wotc-erratas-union-of-the-third-path-to-family-of-the-third-path/
about 2 months ago
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âYou can see here that this file was last edited about 3 days ago using some manner of Adobe product. Also, Jaceâs name has been misspelled as Juice. That might not mean anything, but I wouldnât write it off, either."
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Experts Weigh In: Card Leaks Way Too High Quality to Be Real | Commander's Herald
Richmond, VA â A series of images of upcoming Magic sets have leaked, and weâve asked some leading experts in the field of digital forensics to examine and weigh in. Among their various reactions to u...
https://commandersherald.com/experts-weigh-in-card-leaks-way-too-high-quality-to-be-real/
about 2 months ago
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âJust a couple decades ago, you could find all sorts of landscapes across the area. Forests, Plains, Swamps, all free and plentiful for anyone to use.â
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Climatologists Worried Over Recent Increases in Desert Cubes | Commander's Herald
WICHITA, KS â A new study from Wichita State University has raised the alarm on recent limited Magic: the Gathering culture shifts. The study, published by the American Climate Advisory Board, has not...
https://commandersherald.com/climatologists-worried-over-recent-increases-in-desert-cubes/
about 2 months ago
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âFor those that have already received a card but do not wish to return it, all we ask is you use an official Unfinity sticker to cover the bottom of the bat so no one has to see it. I would suggest using the sticker of Garrukâs ax or the plushie Garruk, since they work so well with him!"
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Magic Baseball Cards Recalled After Discovering Garruk Wrote "Fuck Jace" on Bottom of Bat | Commander's Herald
Try to act shocked: there's a huge issue with a card WOTC recently printed. This time, though, it involves a swear word!
https://commandersherald.com/magic-baseball-cards-recalled-after-discovering-garruk-wrote-fuck-jace-on-bottom-of-bat/
about 2 months ago
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âLook, the guyâs a pathetic dweeb, absolute dithering wimp, an S-tier sycophant with no real beliefs except what Peter Thiel uploads to his Neuralink. But I donât want to be the one to push him over the edge, you know?"
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Richard Garfield Hesitant to Be Next Father Figure to Reject JD Vance | Commander's Herald
Richard Garfield, creator of Magic: The Gathering, could be the latest father figure to reject Vice President JD Vance.
https://commandersherald.com/richard-garfield-hesitant-to-be-next-father-figure-to-reject-jd-vance/
about 2 months ago
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"Professionalism and hard work can only get you so far in the modern league. You need analytics to back it up, and our team has shown promise in taking early mana ramp could lead to early advantages and quicker wins. Thatâs why we are taking our time and giving Sol Ring a thorough review.â
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Ahead Of NFL Draft, Raiders Reportedly Split Between Fernando Mendoza and Sol Ring | Commander's Herald
LAS VEGAS, NV â On the eve of the 2026 NFL Draft, the Las Vegas Raiders are reportedly doing their due diligence when it comes to their first overall pick. Over the past few months, discussion has foc...
https://commandersherald.com/ahead-of-nfl-draft-raiders-reportedly-split-between-fernando-mendoza-and-sol-ring/
about 2 months ago
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âIt is going to be such a privilege to be working with Mr. Bolasâhe truly is a master at performing vicious and horrible acts of cruelty that benefit nothing and no one, so he and I get along quite well,â said Stephen Miller.
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Trump Appoints Nicol Bolas to New Department of "Just Plain Evil" | Commander's Herald
Washington, D.C. â President Trump will be appointing notorious former planeswalker and current antagonist Nicol Bolas to the new, not-yet-established Department Of Just Plain Evil, as announced in a ...
https://commandersherald.com/trump-appoints-nicol-bolas-to-new-department-of-just-plain-evil/
about 2 months ago
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"I was just, like, totally gone. I reached over to grab some buds to grind, but I wasnât really paying attention, and I⊠kinda grabbed the wrong bud.â Putting his head in his hands, Waters lamented, âMaaaaan, what a bummer, I really liked that card.â
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Commander Player Prepping For All-Green 4/20 Commander Pod Accidentally Grinds Their Bristlebud Farmer | Commander's Herald
DENVER, Co. â Tragedy struck in the home of local Commander player Bogart âBongâ Waters today as his attempt to prepare for a yearly tradition with his friends went terribly awry. During preparations ...
https://commandersherald.com/commander-player-prepping-for-all-green-4-20-commander-pod-accidentally-grinds-their-bristlebud-farmer/
about 2 months ago
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Konami apparently had plans to release a life-sized plastic replica of the heart for $300 USD, to be packaged with a random assortment of card packs valued to be around $9.50 usd. Whether it conveyed magical powers was left vague in the fax.
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Leaked Konami Documents Reveal "The Heart of the Cards" To Be An Actual Human Heart | Commander's Herald
Tokyo, Japan â Internal Konami documents recently leaked to us from an anonymous whistleblower reveal shocking news about the media companyâs inner workings and future plans. They range from video gam...
https://commandersherald.com/leaked-konami-documents-reveal-the-heart-of-the-cards-to-be-an-actual-human-heart/
about 2 months ago
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Iâm going to examine every single card you play looking at the artist credits, and if I see the name of a generative AI site, Iâm going to make it everybody in this fucking storeâs problem.
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[Opinion] If That Big Titty Anime Elfball Alter Deck Doesn't Have Human Art Credits I'm Going To Take You With Me | Commander's Herald
I swear to fucking god, that shitty anime alter elfball deck is bad enough on its own, but Iâm going to examine every single card you play looking at the artist credits, and if I see the name of a gen...
https://commandersherald.com/opinion-if-that-big-titty-anime-elfball-alter-deck-doesnt-have-human-art-credits-im-going-to-take-you-with-me/
about 2 months ago
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"Itâs fucking unreal. I know she wasnât stacking or anything, like, she wasnât doing any sleight of hand or whatever. The card she needed was just always right there. I donât even think I saw her mulligan a single game!â
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New Player at LGS Might Be The Protagonist | Commander's Herald
New York, NY â Reports from a local game store reveal that players may have located the protagonist. Of⊠everything, it seems. We followed up to investigate. âShe just showed up one day, playing like ...
https://commandersherald.com/48757-2/
2 months ago
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The deck, filled with joke and banned cards, was created by Gilbert likely to either elicit a negative reaction from the people playing against it, or find camaraderie with others who would play a similar deck.
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Man Disgusts LGS By Playing A "The Aristocrats" Deck | Commander's Herald
Erie, PA â Norman Gilbert, a well-known Magic: The Gathering player in town, was kicked out of local game store The Goblinâs Den permanently due to the content of his âThe Aristocratsâ-themed commande...
https://commandersherald.com/man-disgusts-lgs-by-playing-a-the-aristocrats-deck/
2 months ago
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"I do one thing: turn big juicy asses into big juicy card draw and damage. That doesnât work when every defender from Dominaria to Duskmourn is suddenly a 2/1. This Ozempic crap has single-handedly ruined my whole schtick.â
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Arcades, the Strategist Files Lawsuit Against Ozempic | Commander's Herald
COPENHAGEN â Novo Nordisk, the pharmaceutical company that produces Ozempic, has been sued by the elder dragon . The Dragon claims that the company has significantly reduced the base toughness of many...
https://commandersherald.com/arcades-the-strategist-files-lawsuit-against-ozempic/
2 months ago
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The receptionist walked us briefly down a nearby hall to a door with a paper sign taped to it that read âSecret Dandan [sic] Meeting â DO NOT DISTRUB [sic].â
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WotC DandĂąn Shadow Rules Cabal Considering Addition of Third Dan | Commander's Herald
SECRET HASBRO BUNKER, Wash. â Commanderâs Herald has once again stumbled ass-backwards into a shocking revelation about the potential future of a beloved Magic: The Gathering fan format. In what is bound to be the most existentially nerve-wracking piece of news to emerge this week, we have learned of a potentially game-changing future update coming [âŠ]
https://commandersherald.com/wotc-dandan-shadow-rules-cabal-considering-addition-of-third-dan/
2 months ago
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Following the absolutely stellar debut of GiGi Wellplayed on the Spell Slayers last month, the staff at The Herald has worked tirelessly, day and night and afternoon, to try and come up with a drag name as good as that.
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Feds Are Outlawing Drag, So Let's Counterprogram with MTG Drag Content | Commander's Herald %
The staff at The Herald tried to come up with Magic-related drag names as good as GiGi Wellplayed. We could not, but A- for effort
https://commandersherald.com/magic-the-gathering-drag/
2 months ago
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âIt may seem strange for a mission like this to have me up here, but gaming is important work; Iâve been helping the other crew members keep their minds sharp,â explained Nash in a video call while dealing with a bag which had come opened and began spilling dice slowly in every direction.
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Artemis II Astronaut Observing Earth In Awe of Humanity, Still Hates Blue Players | Commander's Herald
OUTER SPACE- A phenomenon known as the âoverview effectâ is known to cause astronauts, such as the crew aboard NASAâs Moon-bound Artemis II, to feel a sense of oneness with the Earth and the humans th...
https://commandersherald.com/artemis-ii-astronaut-observing-earth-in-awe-of-humanity-still-hates-blue-players/
2 months ago
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âWe canât let Sam Altman have a better board state than us, our investors watching the game play out would start to think weâre losing. And if they think weâre losers, they wonât watch my television networks or use my software."
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Oracle Chair Larry Ellison Exiles 30,000 Employees to Cast Treasure Cruise | Commander's Herald
REDWOOD SHORES, CA â In a sudden move that sent shockwaves through the industry, Oracle Chairman Larry Ellison announced he was exiling the careers of 30,000 of the companyâs employees, and paying 1 b...
https://commandersherald.com/oracle-chair-larry-ellison-exiles-30000-employees-to-cast-treasure-cruise/
2 months ago
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Guests trampled over each other to find the most eggs and prove they deserved the coveted prize of card draw. Happy Easter!
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Dozens Injured As Ms Bumbleflower's Easter Egg Hunt Takes Brutal Turn | Commander's Herald
Chaos erupted at the first annual Bumbleflower Easter Egg Hunt when word got out that there were not enough prizes for everyone who entered. Attendees were initially lured in with promises of drawing ...
https://commandersherald.com/dozens-injured-as-ms-bumbleflowers-easter-egg-hunt-take-brutal-turn/
2 months ago
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âWe just think itâs really funny to upset people whose literal livelihoods depend on our game and therefore have nothing but financial incentive to promote it, even though we donât have to pay them ourselves.â
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WotC Admits to Designing Cards to Upset Specific YouTubers | Commander's Herald
Undisclosed Location â A Wizards of the Coast designer has just gone on the record to say that their team does, in fact, purposefully design cards to upset specific YouTubers. âWe just think itâs real...
https://commandersherald.com/wotc-admits-to-designing-cards-to-upset-specific-youtubers/
2 months ago
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âWe were initially concerned that Generative AI could be used to create similar crossovers, even with characters outside our control. Luckily we saw the product Sora was putting out, and knew it was only a matter of time.â
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Square-Enix Reaffirms They Hold The Only Disney-Sora Partnership Worth A Damn | Commander's Herald
SHINJUKU, JAPAN â In a press release earlier this morning, Square-Enix announced that, following the severing of ties between Disney and OpenAI, they were once again the sole owners of âThe Only Sora...
https://commandersherald.com/square-enix-reaffirms-they-hold-the-only-disney-sora-partnership-worth-a-damn/
2 months ago
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HumbleDad - Art
2 months ago
The Internet being forever will never not be funny đđ€ How it started. Vs. How it's going
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To celebrate April Fool's Day this year, we at Commander's Herald decided to walk you through an article that we would write, going step-by-step through the satirical process.
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Commander's Herald Designs A New Deadpool Secret Lair | Commander's Herald
To celebrate April Foolâs Day this year, we at Commanderâs Herald decided to walk you through an article that we would write, going step-by-step through the satirical process. We came up with an idea ...
https://commandersherald.com/commanders-herald-designs-a-new-deadpool-secret-lair/
2 months ago
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"I wanted to get involved, and when I later learned about that whole One Ring thing, the inspiration to do this struck me like Viggo Mortensen striking that helmet with his foot. My agent tried to shirtlessly fight me at Waffle House about it, but I eventually won him over, and here we are.â
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RUMOR CONFIRMED: The Hobbit Collector Boosters to Have Chance for 001/001 Martin Freeman | Commander's Herald
MATAMATA, New Zealand â While Wizards of the Coast continues to ramp up the hype train for Secrets of Strixhaven, a curious rumor has begun floating around about another upcoming set. During a tour of...
https://commandersherald.com/rumor-confirmed-the-hobbit-collector-boosters-to-have-chance-for-001-001-martin-freeman/
3 months ago
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âTownies live off the refuse of our esteemed institution. Thatâs why I donât tip or make eye contact when theyâre serving me drinks. Iâm already the reason they have a purpose; they should be thanking me, not looking for handouts or special treatment.â
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New Strixhaven Book Reveales Rest of Arcavios Full of Subhuman Creatures Called Townies | Commander's Herald
A new book about the plane of Arcavios, which hosts Strixhaven Academy, is set to be released alongside Secrets of Strixhaven this April. Minutiae of Arcavios by Professor Fredrick Jackson Ghost-Turne...
https://commandersherald.com/new-strixhaven-book-reveales-rest-of-arcavios-full-of-subhuman-creatures-called-townies/
3 months ago
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