cat: meow schrodinger: ignore that

sitting in my car for three hours to get the most of the paid parking

I've discovered a life hack recently that you can just do whatever you want. rejection is meaningless. problems are temporary. if all god can do is judge you then how is he any better

Victorian teacher strike tomorrow. Support your local Australian educators 👏

[in prison] ghost: oOoOoOo me: lmao what did u get in for? possession? LMAOOOO ghost: i murdered my daughter in cold blood me: me: look, i don't think you realise how good that joke was

psychologist: [holding up picture] what do you see me: idk man looks kinda blurry psychologist: i'm telling u, bigfoot is real

red riding hood

i just tried that burger and i understand why the ceo dude reacted like that

just invented a new shape that's like if a triangle was 3D. and no before you ask, it's not a pyramid. another glimpse into what's possible with AI

I fear that the Scrubs reboot is good

he was ahead of his time

do you think it's acceptable to throw ice at someone if they're scrolling tiktok at full brightness in the middle of a film screening

I fear the dream is a lie. I've been working a fake job and today over 6 hours that's comprised of sending one email and sitting in my spinning chair. I have never been so bored

me: that's a lot of cars, how many do u think that is guy: 五台 me: wow uncalled for

for me???

what if you fell in love online and then it turned out you were getting catfished by dog with a blog

idk who to tell, but I finished my final exam for my postgrad. can I get a "nice job, you probably did good" please. thank u

cannot get over how much these two shitposts have shaped my entire life philosophy

"you won't last 30 seconds playing this porn game" seems like a terrible business model

twitter has unfortunately realised I like frieren and has decided my entire feed should be the anime community's horrible takes about everything because they're all 12

my mom keeps calling the smallest cat a "pocket pussy" and i don't have the heart to say anything

love when restaurants are like "best hotdogs in the game" what game. what are the rules. who's playing this game

creating the ultimate two sentence horror story by deleting most of the punctuation from stephen king's hit novel "the shining"

what did i answer to make you think this

i’ve seen things you people wouldn't believe. attack ships on fire off the shoulder of orion. a dog that can slam dunk

there are two wolves inside you virginia woolf: a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction regular wolf: fuck the moon AWOOOOOOO

it's like my father always told me: lift with your back

killing magic? you mean growing up? haha just a little word play for you all. sometimes I wonder whether child me would look up with pride at my success, or if they would stare blankly as if I were a stranger, unrecognisable from who they imagined

having a good time looking at the job market. this is one of the more positive reviews

bushfires :(

I started seeing a girl and she chromecasts sims 2 gameplay and just watches it like a regular show

rip ancient egyptians, you would've loved instagram cat reels

thinking about when I was 16 and made YouTube videos, and my setup was my bed with a camera and lights surrounding it. so when the house sold, the real estate site put a photo of it and somehow I did not see any other way that might have been interpreted

thinking about becoming the pluribus

i'm joining the war on pluribus.... on the side of the pluribus

not joke posting today, but 2025 was long and miserable for me to the extent that it feels like multiple lifetimes in one trying to remember it. need some stability for 2026

@grok change nothing about her. she's beautiful and perfect as she is

poignant

in 2026 I am going to double down and become worse

sometimes I forget I know how to read japanese and I'll just scroll past a post like "oh that's not for me. there's no letters" and it always takes me slightly too long to double take

One of the all-time great poasters, Mike Fossey, passed away last week. RIP

feel like I'm high because I just went outside, stared at a tree for like 10 minutes, and walked back inside like "damn maybe life is worth living"

a few years ago a girl on hinge told me I speak like an animal crossing NPC and I don't think I've ever recovered from that

I would've thought there'd be a backup plan that didn't rely on a reindeer having a glowing red nose

I'm out here unwrapping presents y'all never even heard of

oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree harder christmas tree

starting to think i should've replied to that email when i was 10 that said if i ignored it i'd have 30 years of bad luck

strangely I don't think I'll be giving my Photo ID to X the Everything App

goodnight moon *a tear rolls down my eye as i raise a gun to the sky* forever

improv phone sex 🤝 "yes and then what"