Look at the instagram posts of your local news weather reporting woman and you will find the horniest grandpas

Just saw a commercial for a movie called HAMNET?!!

I hate when I send my husband 1000 instagram reels in one sitting, he looks at none of them, and then resends one weeks later.

I need to get my eyebrows done so bad. Actual photo of me attached.

Mad Men is gonna be on HBO Max omfg can’t wait to rewatch for the 10th time

Wearing jewelry is performative?!!?

Called out

I said I wasn’t gonna do screen time for baby toe but she screams every time I put her down to do something, so I’ve been putting on Sesame Street and wow, I fucking love this guy????

Me, to Baby Toe: Can you day “mama”? 😊 💕 Her, confidently: Dada.

My parents are getting their kitchen redone and my dad keeps saying it’s the kill room, like from Dexter.

Does anyone have any good planners they recommend??? I need something with a monthly calendar and ample space for notes n stuff per day. Would love for it to be spiral bound too.

Last four games I played (Roblox doesn’t count)

Happy "I'm Ribs!" day to all that celebrate. @cbbworld.bsky.social @scottaukerman.bsky.social @pftompkins.bsky.social

Please recommend me cozy switch games that aren’t farming simulators. Or games with turn-based combat. Or are just easy enough for a grandma like me

@toejams.bsky.social drop dead gorgeous

I might or might not do official holiday cards but will send something back to anyone I get one from regardless !!!

I get too emotionally attached to t-shirts.

We’re posting pet pics??? Here are my original babies, Margot and Pearl (and bonus me).

The way this would become a staple of my wardrobe

Downstairs neighbor repeatedly leaving and entering, slamming the front door, all while their multitude of dogs bark nonstop. I can’t wait to move.

Just had a flashback to my 12th grade US Government class and we were talking about Dick Cheney and my teacher (old man) goes, “Miss Jam, do you like Dick?” The whole class laughed but I was like 🫥

I’ll never stop thinking about this

I’m watching the new Frankenstein and I’ve only ever seen the Young Frankenstein iteration of this story and I’m so confused.

I got 26 dollars from the Facebook lawsuit - chat, what should I buy?!?

I asked my husband to get frozen shrimp at the store and he got the wrong kind in every capacity. Peeled? ❌ Tail off? ❌ Medium-size? ❌ Now I gotta manhandle these jumbo nasty scrimps ughhggggg at least theyre deveined

Alright, this is what you’re all getting this year

Oldest selfie on your phone 2016? 2017? accidentally taking a selfie and posting it to Snapchat anyway because I was WASTED

Can’t sleep, gotta keep playing vampire survivors on my phone

My husband somehow figured out Baby Toe squeals with delight whenever the chorus to Amber by 311 plays?!??

ADHD diagnoses acquired. Please god let this adderall help me

Spawned into my restaurant and everyone was in their panties

Went out for dinner earlier. The host kept putting their toes in the soup and dancing through the window at me whilst scantily clad. I had the baklava. 10/10 will be going back again. @toejams.bsky.social

Best costume I saw tonight was a kid dressed like a port-o-potty.

Someone asked if I was taking Baby Toe trick-o-treating and I was like, “no I think it’s weird when adults take a baby who can’t eat candy out” and they looked at me like I was an asshole. Chat, is this a hot take???

My friend sent this to me I’m so mad

Ten minutes into Weapons and I’m checking where it takes place because I immediately noticed the PA inspection stickers in Julia Garner’s car

Love the Walmart “Break 100 Bones” Challenge

I can’t stop watching Hereditary. My favorite spooky movie for the spooky season

(mic crackle) take the shot

Now what is this

These mobile game ads are so unhinged

Trying to get an ADHD screen and med management… they said yes 💍 💞

Saw some goats and also watched The VVitch the other day so I was looking for Black Phillip.

Help. Saw this pic of me from like 2 years ago and want bangs again.

Nap time for everyone here.

My parents have too much money to be buying this single-ply ass toilet paper. Come on.

It’s rat dinner (eating enough little bits of whatever is leftover in the fridge to make a full meal before grocery shopping) night

Me arriving at the gastroenterologist today ready to talk about poop n farts n bholes