Woke zoomers out in the yards making "snowthems"

Martini with hotdog brine 😋

Dingleberries? You mean my little honey bunches?

Got called in by HR at the dick sucking factory for making eye contact

Casually buying seventy soups at stop n shop bless u soup sale

Peak struggle meal (refried beans sandwich)

Accidentally picked up the wrong fork at the fancy dinner party and the host started putting cigarettes out on me

Glazing my ham sexual style

I want to get sauced on the weird star trek drinks, I want to drink kanar and klingon bloodwine 😭

Tripped going down the stairs and was skeletonized by my 100 rats before I even hit the bottom

Dunking my whole hand in a jar of peanut butter and getting it licked off by 100 rats 🥰

Being in love means sharing your dirty band-aids with me

God I wish I was snuggling up in a pile of 100 rats rn

toaster luigi

Need me a bad bitch with memory problems

Also I placed third in my Granblue locals bracket please clap

It should be illegal to label your packaged ramen "instant noodles" if you have to pan fry them afterwards like actually

Absolutely stuffed with anchovy polenta rn

Im in my fish breath era

what i lack in hot face i make up for in hot body and charm and sucking dick good

Tonto with cancer be like: "okay chemosabe"

Thot terminating cliche

On the outside I'm dying but on the inside I'm pogging

Nutting directly onto the couch for the aroma

Dedicating this shit to our troops

Squishmallows be like "what if stuffed animals were completely devoid of personality"

I guess if making cave paintings with your own scat is what keeps you sane then pop off queen

Remembering the first time I had mortadella was part of a psych ward lunch. My life changed in two ways that day.

Thanks for liking my pickle post everyone. Idk why but I guess that one really resonated with you freaks ♥️

Do you have to be European to be a eurojank developer

Caught myself groaning with desire at a big jar of pickles ugghhh

*entering the holodeck* Computer, load Picard Pink Floyd Experience, authorization code Delta Six Two Alpha. Disengage safety protocols. Engage.

*Captain Picard voice* Computer. Five grams ketamine, powder.

Would it be gross or based if I started collecting my own earwax?

Took a shower then had to shit this is my personal 9/11

Edging my vulcan mind meld

Bit the inside of my mouth again

Just smashed two candles with a hammer to free them from their glass prisons

Alright chat what the fuck do I do about Anila fullscreen sheep spam against someone who REALLY likes chickening 214L/sheep ride like do I actually have to microwalk 2m every single sheep??? S rank btw #gbfvr #granbluefantasyversusrising

they gave me a challenge coin at work for crying the longest in the restroom

get priggan err get poignant??? *pulls out a dictionary* ahhh

*plap plap plap plap* get pregante uhh get pregernet uh get gregnart uhm

Celebrating my Jewish heritage by being a bad Jew (forgot it was Hanukkah today 😖)

That's right liberal: this chili's got BEANS in it 😤 #withbeans #imakeitwiththebeans

This triple date is so boring none of the other couples are even fighting

I'm having some "Cheffy Boy" sketty an MEAT balls

I think one solid blow to the head would fix me

Headmate whose schtick is shitting your pants

From now on any time I get called out for being mean to someone online my excuse is going to be "sorry my cursed right arm was acting up" If they're still mad then I go into a bit about how it's shortening my lifespan every time I use it and they have to comfort me crying

Nubby's Number Fucktory