I saw a bird die at work today and I am too soft for everything now.

If you can’t handle me at my manic, you don’t deserve me at my pixie dream girl.

I was gonna get so much done today…

Nothing makes me lose confidence in knowing my password faster than knowing there are only five chances to get my password right.

Happy open windows with seat heaters on to all who celebrate.

Is the "synergy" moment finally over?

Absolutely no one: Hotel floors:

Nothing sends me into a blind rage faster than cutting a circular pizza into little squares. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

Day 8 of hoping to see Girl Scouts at my usual grocery store to no avail. Morale is low.

Happy hot horse year.

Pretty rude that it's the beginning of February and we're already halfway through February.

Once it’s in my calendar, it’s over for you hos.

I wrote this as an ode to Minnesotans and a fuck off to ice. 🖤🧊

"People often misunderstand nonviolent protest. It is not merely eschewing violence. It doesn’t mean that we are silent or that we are not angry. Instead, nonviolent protest means, among many things, that we understand who we are fighting."

“Some?!????”

Remember the other day when I was saluting my friend Greg Ketter, owner of Minneapolis’ DreamHaven Books? This is him the following day. Greg will never say this, so I will — now is a great time to buy books from DreamHaven. Support Americans who stand up vs. 🧊. dreamhavenbooks.com

Love editing my 1400 word post to 1200 words so I wind up with 1500 words. #writermath

I’m asking too much from the gay hockey player show, but it’s not fixing my anxiety about the state of the world.

Spent some quality time with my bestie this morning: the paper shredder.

There are simply not enough little treats in the world for me to do my job right now.

I did this! It helped!

The new iPhone update is violent.

Regular therapy is for summer. It’s winter, tell my therapist I need:

My least favorite part about AI so far is that when I see, “Weird Al” I question whether I’m reading about one of the greatest musicians of our time or a new strange development in or technological hellscape.

“May god have mercy on my soul.” Me, entering CostCo without a cart.

Good morning! I am ready for bed!

Send more tattoos.

Women over a certain age age up at 3am because we’ve evolved to cast spells with our coven at that time.

If y’all ever want to get me a present, know that I have a very full cart at bookshop.org.

I’m in Philly for the week and the muscle memory of glaring down cars that are about to hit you as you walk in front of them is in TACT. 💅🏻

Made my new therapist laugh in our first session so the bar is set and I can look forward to chasing that high at every session following.

I am at the “cleaning the house feels like a fun treat” point of my to do list.

More bake-off tonight and learning that Iain is baller enough to land a lady who is a foot taller than him and attends a regular pole dancing class. Still rooting for Jessika, this drag king.

In January my optimistic ass set a goal to submit 50 times in 2025. I just submitted #13. 🫠

GBBO really said, “and Jessika is a drag king by night.” AND LEFT IT THERE LIKE I DIDNT NEED TO SEE EVERY DRAG PERFORMANCE JESSIKA HAS DONE?!?

The internet used to be louder and nicer and honestly? Same.

Vulnerability is wearing a jumpsuit on your road trip so you have to be naked in every truck stop east of the Mississippi.

New favorite piece just dropped.

I'm obsessed with this new McSweeney's article.

My emotions are sore.

Thrilled to tell you that upon editing my recent post from 1300 words to 1200 words it is now 1420 words.

The company culture where I work is communication through osmosis and I am not porous enough for this to be effective.

PSA: If you see someone older than you and you like their outfit you’re legally required to tell them out loud. Preferably using cool slang as though they’ll understand you.

After working in customer service for over two decades I have finally been tipped in drugs. Past me would think this is very cool and present me is very square and very tired.

Mark as unread is not enough. I need a schedule send for texts.

I wrote about two things that give me the heebie jeebies: leeches and wellness influencers.

I'm taking requests on what my new personality should hinge on: open.substack.com/pub/sarahgar...

@pointsincase.com published my daydreams about prospective employers I've met along the way. www.pointsincase.com/articles/cir...

Autocorrect thinks I think RFK Jr. is an add hat. 👒