When it’s #StarWarsDay and you’re working from home. Happy May the 4th.

Dear WebMD, I accidentally ingested a wheelbarrow full of Taco Bell. Am I about to die on the toilet?

I've heard multiple stories of what Season 2 of #StarWars The Acolyte could have been and well... I've been disappointed since The Acolyte got canceled and this has made me redisappointed. Disappointeder? Disappointed²? #SaveTheAcolyte

It’s Thursday and I’m still laughing at Lunch #2. Well played, SNL writers. #SNL #SaturdayNightLive

Isn’t it gross that we all know what a penny tastes like? Things I think about as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Wisconsin: Wearing flip-flops today, possibly snow-blowing tomorrow.™

I really want to give Disney Speedstorm some money but they refuse to put Fozzie Bear or any Muppet in the store. So I guess I’ll have to blow my entire paycheck on fireworks instead. Again. #Muppets #DisneySpeedstorm

For me, the most excruciating part of a dentist appointment is the country music station playing in the background. I’d rather listen to them scraping my teeth with a chalkboard.

PlayStation State of Play predictions: • PSVR3 announced & abandoned • Twisted Metal Kart Racing • Astro Bot adds Master Chiefbot • An AI-generated trailer displays a karaoke screen with Backstreet Boys lyrics revealing Knack 3 • 37 minutes of Marvel's Darkhawk gameplay including the full ending

I still get choked up remembering when Rhinokey left Wuz because the cruel and merciless Wuzzles played a mean joke on him. Bumblelion and Butterbear should have known better. #TheWuzzles

And I thought it couldn’t get any worse than last year’s flood of Crypto commercials, but AI said, “hold my—beer.” #SuperBowl

I really should’ve placed a bet on Draft Kings that these would be the worst Super Bowl commercials in the history of Super Bowl.

Did I just watch Italy ignite the Eye of Sauron? #Olympics

I guess I have to be the one to complain about the new #Muppets Show. First, it was about an hour and a half too short. Second, there's only one of them to watch. And third, Muppets Tonight is STILL NOT streaming on Disney+. Disney, you know you own that show, right?

Pepsiman® will return in Avengers: Doomsday.

Mayor McCheese will return in Avengers: Doomsday.

@marvelstrikeforce.bsky.social... sigh. I already wasn't spending any money, but now I'll spend 500% less money. You hear that, Scopley?!?!?! No, make that 1200% less money. [insert more angry text here, I just don't care enough to come up with anything clever at this point... more text and post!]

The Noid will return in Avengers: Doomsday. @dominos-pizza.bsky.social

Slim Goodbody will return in Avengers: Doomsday

Happy 24th to us.

I'm so glad that—AFTER side-swiping the iceberg—the Titanic decided to take a slight detour to pick up Bethesda and Activision before heading back out to sea. I'm talking about @xbox.com. This is an Xbox metaphor.

I feel comfortable in speaking for literally everybody when I say... we need a new Austin Powers movie.

I just applied some hand sanitizer I found at work... no clue about its germ killing capabilities, but it instantly incinerated the hairs out of my nose and is currently peeling the finish off my desk.

Hey, @hbo.bsky.social Max. I was wondering... if it isn't too much trouble... if you could start keeping track of which shows and episodes we've watched so I don't have to keep a notepad next to the couch like we're insane? That'd be awfully swell. #kthxbye

Reasons The Rise of Skywalker Makes No Sense Part 1 of 3000: Why are the Star Destroyers on Exogol buried in sand? Just… like… why? Join me next week for Part 2 when I ask why the outline of the crashed Death Star is carved into a knife.

So... do I have to hand in my Nerd Card if I don't have a favorite Transformer?

Unfortunately, my new toy… The Stranger… is stuck with the worst Star Wars name since Count Dooku. And Rey Skywalker. #RenewTheAcolyte #SaveTheAcolyte #SideBurnOnRiseOfSkywalker

New toy alert! By far the coolest character Star Wars has created in a LONG time. Thanks to the whiny, poopy-pantsed babies who ridiculed The Acolyte online just because it had 2 awful episodes, we’ll never get a 2nd season that would’ve revealed a cooler name than… The Stranger. #DarthTeeth

Just finished my first day at BluePeak Textiles! So excited to be working on the new project code name “Elephant” 😂 #newjob #insidejoke #KnowBe4 #crushingit #circleoflife

I am awarding a trophy to #BabySteps for having the worst trophy list of any @playstation.com game I’ve ever seen. You’ll have to walk barefoot to my house to get it though.

I feel like schools need to begin dedicating an entire semester to teaching the difference between “lose” and “loose”. But at this point it just feels like a loosing battle.

I can't wait to see Bugs Bunny at the Music Super Bowl Halftime Show this year. I hope he does the Barber of Seville.

@playstation.com State of Play predictions: • LEGO Twisted Metal trailer • Life is Strange: Avengers Assemble announcement • Viva Piñata hats & rideable piñata's revealed for Death Stranding 2 • Knack VR demo

Why am I so tired today? Because I woke up an hour before my alarm and my brain decided to rewrite Luke Skywalker’s entire role in #TheLastJedi. Now I just need Kathleen Kennedy’s email address and a time machine. @markhamillofficial.bsky.social can thank me at the 2018 Oscars.

I haven't posted anything funny in awhile, so here's my desk. In my office. AT WORK. I'm almost 50. I spent real money on these. Someone married me.

Hey @xbox.com! If you are hurting for money right now, instead of laying people off, why not renew the licenses for #MarvelUltimateAlliance 1 & 2 and re-re-release them on Xbox and PlayStation? I would re-re-buy them since my old copies are sitting on dead consoles. Ple-ple-please?!?!?

I injured my left arm moving comic book long boxes 54 days ago and it still hurts today. I guess this is my life now.

In an alternate universe, this collection also prominently features an awesome @robliefeld.bsky.social #Youngblood™ Knight Sabre action figure by McFarlane Toys. Sadly, I am clearly living in the darkest timeline.

I’ve moved beyond just walking into a room and forgetting why I’m there. I now thumb to a specific screen on my phone and forget which app I meant to open.

Today's Weather Forecast: You'll feel like you just woke up in a drainage ditch in Tijuana wearing a wool pantsuit.

The weather forecast for Wisconsin this week should just say, "feels like being smothered to death in a wet sleeping bag."

Update on the weather in Wisconsin: I walked our dogs and when I got home it felt like I had just crawled out of the overweight dog's mouth.

After playing a bunch of #MarvelStrikeForce Danger Room, I can safely say that I hate Endgame Thanos more than puppy cancer.

I was completely invested in an alternate universe where 4 astronauts gain super powers from a cosmic accident and have to fight some silver girl on a flying surfboard and a planet eating giant, but I drew the line at The Thing growing a beard.

Name five games you'd play at any time. Not your top 5 of all time, just five games you'd play any time. (Mmmm… delicious engagement bait). Dig Dug BurgerTime Burnout SSX Crash Team Racing

The best part about my morning commute to work is that when I arrive, my blood is already pre-boiled.

#Superman And now I just sit back and watch the “Likes” roll in.

Is there anything in life more frustrating than trying to separate the coffee filters with your thick, dumb fingers in the morning? I feel like the answer should be "yes," but I just took 2 Tylenol with a sip of coffee in an attempt to recreate Excedrin, so who knows?