Detective Ruthe: I'm sorry I just always find it so awkward when we're interrogating someone we already know is guilty and have all the evidence we need. It's just so cringe when you deny it but I'll try to stop putting my fingers in my ears.

I have a feeling my dog is my grandmother reincarnated but please don't tell her because she doesn't believe in that stuff.

This morning after only about 3-4 hours sleep and drunk only with tiredness I walked into the living room in a daze and looked at the big "north pole" box in the living room and said, "Look kids! Santa came last night, in that box!". #SleepPlease

Just found out that there's milk in chocolate milkshakes. Absolutely disgusted.

I know it's only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like to buy your dog

There's nothing freakier than the sound of footsteps on the ceiling from the neighbours upstairs when you live in a bungalow.

Some people are afraid of aliens but maybe Benedict Cumberbatch has come in peace.

Shameful. We shouldn't even need a trolley that size.

'tis the season to worry about photosensitive epilepsy.

That's gotta be a new record for the longest amount of time to keep something in your arse.

"You looked so sad walking all the way with your head down." Yeah, I'm determined not to lose the seasonal Squid Game, "Leaf or shit?".

Ever been so tired you accidentally went to drink a candle? Me neither but it's very spicy.

7yo nephew: I was allowed to say the C word in school today. Me: omg Him: Christmas.

Thinking of starting my own Cuntry. "You mean Country..." No, I'm inviting you.

"If you're a fan of Stardew Valley you should play this new game." But I'm a fan of Stardew Valley. I want to play Stardew Valley...

Yeah, I'll just walk over there now.

"I love shooting stars!" Me too and sometimes I'm sure I've got them.

Doctor, I'm still having the same nightmare that I'm on Taskmaster. "Tell me how that makes you feel but when I blow the whistle move seats and speak in a different accent."

Have just been made aware of this and am shocked and disgusted. So hateful. I hope enough decent people feel compelled to voice their opinion to the Woodford Dolmen Hotel in Carlow or at the very least, avoid.

I have good days and bad days. Some days I feel weak but the other day I ripped open a metal heater with my bare hands to rescue a joint that had fallen through the top cover. So yeah, I'm Hulk strong for green.

Have added the #Crowvember prints to date to the shop, will be adding the rest as the month goes on - a combination print with all the crows on it and the originals will both be on sale at the end of the month, if you'd prefer to grab those. Shop here: www.ciaraioch.com/artprints/p/...

Yeah having seizures sucks but my milkshakes are great.

A group of Irish writers and Irish Artists for Palestine have organised four events - in Dublin, Belfast, Galway and Cork - with readings and music to raise money for Medical Aid for Palestine. Tickets for three shows (Cork is sold out) on sale Monday,10am. Details here: linktr.ee/writersforpa...

Just transferred from a different school.

I started a forest fire.