Made Fajitas and Caramel Rum Cheesecake earlier in the week and now my fridge smells like a mix of Onions and Caramel and it's quite odd.

My work office is so busy today, the noise is so overstimulating and distracting I can tell I'm going to get no work done 😡

Had a whole damn tube carriage to myself until a tourist family decided to sit right around me. 🤬

Just responded to a colleague's question with the word "ebutts" and it solved a problem. No I will not expand further.

Was hoping I might have been able to sit in the sun in Speedos when I got home but alas it's too early in the year for sun to hit my terrace 😭😭

Me: I'm going to make a healthy Bolognese with turkey mince Also me: I'll add some red wine for flavour

There is a really irritating chugger outside Hammersmith Sainsbury's who, when people politely say no to him, he keeps responding: "You're breaking my heart". Fuck off you guilt tripping nob.

Ohh god. A hot guy started flirting with me so naturally I had a panic attack and went to the bar...

Just seen the first topless runners of the year. Summer is coming 🌞

Honoured to have been on the Claudia Winkleman show tonight. Am grateful certain bits didn't make the edit 😂😭

Tbh, YouTube could have just called me a slur:

Typical parent tech support situation: Mum: I've bought a CD, how do I add it to my phone. Me: You'll need to import it via your laptop Mum: But my laptop doesn't have a CD Drive Me: Well why did you buy the CD then????

Done my monthly check in of my pension and ohh my. Guess it's good I'm not retiring any time soon.

Went full nerd and bought an AWS Reset Button for Train simulator!

Accidentally let my dark humour out in a project kick off call this morning. PM: Mitch are you excited about this project? Me: I'd rather jump off the roof.

Woken up silly early again and gone down a Wikipedia rabbit hole - and now I'm hungry for Portugal's national sandwich

Might have just offered my 15 year old cousin a sambuca shot. He refused. What is the youth of today coming to?

Got to Ealing Broadway early so got an earlier train to West Drayton only to tap out and tap back in - all in order to save 90p.

Correction, there is a loud American face-timing and someone chewing gum loudly on the tube. It should be socially acceptable to carry around and use a water gun on badly behaved people.

Changed at Birmingham New street and omg why is everyone so rude. Londoners may be cold but at least we have more manners.

Went for a wade into the Irish Sea. It was very cold. Only just got the feeling in my toes back.

Tried Fish and Chips by the seaside again today and was reminded why I hate it. Why is it always nauseatingly greasy.

Actually won a game of pool. It's a miracle!

the gayyyyys

Took a chance and ordered some new underwear and a t-shirt and it has arrived in this fancy box! Might have to post a thirst trap in them I guess...

Taking bets on me losing my umbrella this evening. Fwiw, I'm betting that I will.

Got a southern train to Clapham so don't have to walk from platform 1 to platform 17 to exit 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Woken up from a weirdly dream. I was late leaving a hotel in Edinburgh, and then got trapped in a wedding party so I missed my train, and then my laptop broke whilst I tried booking a reward flight but they were also sold out. I think I just have nightmares about being in unresolvable situations.

Outlook, you sit on a throne of lies.

I've become a terrible person: My keyboard's dirty and I can't be arsed to clean it so I've just bought a new keyboard.

I must not put profanities in commit messages. I must not put profanities in commit messages. I must not put profanities in commit messages. I must not put profanities in commit messages.

IKEA's AI chatbot is especially useless... (I was not asking anything about dining tables)

After a few Sunday afternoon vodkas I've caved and bought a full length LNER 225 model, for far too much money!

Went shopping for trainers and underwear, actually bought trainers and underwear. It's rare I go clothes shopping and actually buy what I intended too.

Chiltern Railways really needs some new trains, the train I'm on has just been overtaken by a Met line train.

Eurgh, why the fuck has my stupid animated flesh bag of a body woken up at 5AM on a Sunday. 🤬

Music: 🎶 You'd better not kill the groove.. My Bluetooth headphones: "Battery Low, Power off" Well. I guess they did kill the groove.

Also forgot how 2010s BBC re-used the same 12 actors in any and every series...

I'm about half way through my rewatch of BBC's Merlin and I forgot how good the sound design and score is!

Thought I might treat myself to a bunch of roses from Sainsbury's but for £20 a bunch I'll treat myself to rum instead.

My work laptop is installing updates which keep closing Chrome without notice and I'm either throwing my laptop out the window, or myself.

The lifts are playing "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo" this morning and it is making me feel the opposite of magical.

Update, my butt hurts 😭

Desk. Assembled.

I am atrocious at writing shopping lists...

Why do Bulgarian Split Squats make me want to throw up! 😭😭😭

In Sainsbury's just now, nobody near the tills. After a minute of waiting asked a passing supervisor who then sent a guy over to approve the Challenge 25. Asked him to remove the tag from the bottle and he had the audacity to say "I'm very busy right now". Like that's my fault/problem????

Why the fuck does Microsoft Teams want to know my location??? Of all the apps I'm likely to give my location to, Teams is dead last.

Bit the bullet and Just spent over £1000 on a desk! 😭