Sure I can see infinity in a grain of sand, but I usually stop at like a million and move on

Every show now is about male loneliness. So stupid. I wish I had someone to talk to about it

I always pack some emergency ants in case the picnic doesn’t go the way I want

The first email. Wow

I’m putting a new spin on an old lunch

I have red rot

Time to hit the flute

“Dead Internet” doesn’t begin to describe the necrotic efflorescences we see today

Glass Fragment https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/467124

Retiring to my bonus room for the evening

All my buddies named Eusebius

Working on a new ancient grain. I think I’ll call it flest

Texting all my sailor friends “Look outside 😃 “ whenever there’s a red sky

A great reckoning in a humongous room

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening simulator

Pigeon for lunch

Trading in 100 factoids for a unit of Knowledge

Scanned a QR code in the woods

Pigeon for lunch

Eating an apple stem first

I would never exit pursued by a bear. Just wouldn’t happen to a guy like me

Interviews are so frustrating. Let’s talk about what I *can* do, ok? Not the page of Never Woulds on my resume.

Favorite albums of 2025

Vellum strategy guide

Not enough idiots on here. We need more idiots

Parlaying Iran invasion with cartman saying “bitch” on next ep of South Park. I’ve put the house on it

Winking towards smilinghem

Don’t see a lot of “sneaker heads” anymore. Have they all perished?

Being forcibly removed from the wax museum after security found wicks on me

Every parent has a banned-for-safety toy drawer and an appointment system for supervised banned toy visits

Checking out my favorite wax tablet from the Submerged Library

My temple is under attack, I am doomed. I put on my Jade suit surrounded by my concubines and I pee and poop all in it

GET UP

The mountain is my boss, the trees are my colleagues. I also work with this other guy who I can’t fucking stand

Manuscript Illumination with Singing Monks in an Initial D, from a Psalter https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/463605

Heh. Those were decoy lifeways. You know nothing of my people.

Just hit me with an email, man. Any ol’ email will do.

You mind if I shake a drink next to you for 20 minutes real quick?

I feel weak, bring me my lead mercury elixir

Hiring Richard Kind to play every voice in my passion project Crazy Zoo

British guy who pronounces butthole buddle

Making unknown eggs

Saw a ragged blue jay out in the cold morning. flipped him off of course

I live in a yurt and subsist only on Costco

Bon mot, man

She’s fuckin the Krugman fur Krug

Pigeon for lunch