A guy just got on the subway smoking a blunt, apologized profusely to everyone on the train and explained that he was only going one stop, took a huge rip, apologized again, and got off at the next stop.

Weird way to refer to Hochul, and really bad spellchecking too troopers.ny.gov/news/gouvern...

First place or tied for first wire-to-wire then I lose in the two-week semifinal because I started Waller last week and Kincaid this week against Pitts, who I dropped two weeks ago

The teens have got to stop using "unc" without a "(not the university)" label

Elon's little serfs are quite literally begging journalists to come back because every publicly available source of data shows people have fled the platform and young people won't use it. They are literally begging regular people to come back. Don't do it! It is a website by and for actual Nazis!

Jordan Love in crunch time

I feel crazy for even considering Lawrence over Mahomes today but ??

Kraken vs Mammoth is a truly messed up matchup

Snakes on a Plane was a pretty good midnight screening

Thought this was Oasis

Bobby Suarez

Started a new job a few weeks ago and it's good I've been with the company for a while because I haven't seen any indication that my new team has any training plans

2/10 parking job. Off street near building not much else going for it

This is probably the worst thing any Big Ten coach has ever done

Getting paid to sit at your desk and say "fuck you" under your breath at a computer screen all day >>>>>>

From this moment until I breathe my last I will do all I can to make airports sweatier

Dropping grapes into my king's mouth without making physical contact so as to prevent myself from being turned to solid gold

Sounds like North Dakota State forgot to account for Shohei Ohtani

Why'd UVA run that play there? Historical connections to slavery?

Congratulations in particular to Bill Belichick

I will behead the emu

ACC needs to hold their championship at SoFi Stadium or somewhere else in their territory with a roof

Haven't seen a branch accelerate that fast since Kyle down the street finished off the Bud Light case and smashed his Taurus into our crepe myrtles

Leo Messi finally wins the one trophy he's pursued his entire life: MLS Cup. Now officially the GOAT.

Better ozone than kzone imo

I've had one (1) egg nog and I'm about to tape some drywall cracks

I've been awarded the FIFA Pees Prize for my incredibly powerful stream and magnificent accuracy

Tired of nonprofit employees sending emails with their name and not including the organization in the From: field

Danny DeVito and the ManningCast tackle the time he emerged from a couch naked on 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'.

Transferred my Spotify library to Apple Music and it seems to have matched the censored version of every song how do I fix this

The phrase that stirs the soul of the most stoic of drivers: "a tailgating blonde"

I think the Vanderbilt Commodores should score a few more here just for fun

Who else got to fuck the turkey?

I only use golf balls that are named after shampoo. Pro V1? Sure. Fructis X? I'll take a dozen. Best Golf Balls That Last Forever And Fly Really Far? Fuck right off

Trying to convince the in-laws that they should not refer to the dog's little half-barks as "boofing"

Some of the best handjob narration I've ever seen

Never go full Discover tab

Who are these people

Eating my favorite sandwich for lunch today: the fluffernutter, or as I like to call it, a backstage handie

Turned off the game when the Eagles went up 21 and only just learned they lost!

Pretty fucked up SEC heavyweight Vandy scheduled FCS cupcake Kentucky the next to last week of the season

Margarine Tyler Green Noble Peece Prize

Wives love to buy dutch ovens that are way too heavy for them to comfortably handle

Make sure to buy your turkey today so it'll be good and dead by Thanksgiving

Uhhhh so Gio's definitely going to the world cup

Urubad?

It's insane that they aren't doing Inside The Episode clips for The Chair Company

Confused how they designed the CBS graphics to flash yellow every time they update even if there's no flag

It's not a bulge it's two balls and a DICK

Gio hat trick coming