The NHL should institute a rule change requiring an 8th seed to fire their coach in March and hire Torts. If they win the Cup with him, their punishment is they have to hire him for the following season.

YAY WILD!

I don’t hate the move to the Bengals if they can’t get Caleb Downs at 10. I *will* hate it if/when they refuse to extend his expiring contract.

Red Sox fans should be used to a guy with a last name sounding like “Buckner” blowing things for them against NL teams.

Sure it’s 3 on 3, but it’s 5 on 3 when Quinn is on the ice with his ghosts.

Welp.

Didn’t crash the net there

Boldy!

God almighty, this reads like a Maureen Dowd column.

Four years later we won the trade!

I’m just on here to inform you that if these kids were a year older, they’d be Squirts and not Mites according to USA youth hockey. That’s right, they’d be Hershey Squirts.

Not the news I wanted to see tonight.

Cigs wore it better.

Duke Tobin: “But beyond that, we have a football team that has a lot of positives to build on and a lot of things we're proud of and a lot of reasons for optimism. “ As a Bengals fan, this is probably the greatest source of that optimism:

Luke Hughes is going to be at the Olympics with peak rink rat energy asking his parents for popcorn money and running up and down the concourse with the other younger siblings while Jack and Quinn play.

We will be a proper city soon with proper Slop Bowls.

Leave Christmas Day to the NBA.

If restaurants did substitutions like Kroger: “What would you like to drink?” “Do you have Coke Zero?” “No, but we have Pepsi.” “Do you have Diet Pepsi?” “No.” “What do you have?” “Coke. Diet Coke. Pepsi.”

Imagine paying face-level NFL ticket prices to: 1. Attend a football game with subzero wind chills. 2. Discover the seat you paid for is covered in snow. 3. Watch your team lose 24-0 to a rival. You don’t have to imagine this if you’re a Bengals fan!

Mark Richt did a better job covering the Billy Graham Rule than covering the spread his teams had against the Florida Gators.

The ACC has a new logo.

MACtion #drunj

So much MACtion for a noon kickoff.

Instead of a coin toss, the team that can eat the most soup, salad, or breadsticks and choose to kick, receive, or defer.

“Penn State Head Coach Brian Smith” has a ring to it.

Cue Brian Kelly humming selections from the Stephen Foster songbook while scoring a bottle of Stagg Junior from the secondary market.

Who said it better?

Tell me it’s Senior Day without telling me it’s Senior Day.

Jenny Taft on the verge of referencing that Mercury is in retrograde.

OSU on the verge of their version of a Tiger Slam.

It’s been a while since OSU’s offensive line has been able to dictate the line of scrimmage against Michigan

I used to think that no Fordham graduate could do a worse thing to a politician than what G. Gordon Liddy did. Then I saw RFK Jr.’s poem to Olivia Nuzzi.

Go Bombers.

Somewhere in a clubhouse near a golf course in Florida, Brian Kelly is trying on a Stetson hat, staring into a mirror, and repeatedly saying “Gig ‘Em” while “Northeast Texas Women” plays in the background on his iPhone.

Elko immediately turning into Jimbo Fisher once he gets his guaranteed money is what makes the aTm Aggies the aTm Aggies.

It’s not THAT the Bengals lost, it’s HOW they lost that makes it high comedy.

Way too much time with this defense though.

If your defense gets faked out on a flea flicker twice on the same drive, it is less elite than Joe Flacco.

Coach Biff Poggi of the LSU Tigers

BadThingsAreHappeningToBrianKelly.gif

It truly is amazing how the Bengals found a way to make their defense even worse than last year.

Live look in at James Franklin’s seat right now on College Gameday as they go over all his failures as a coach:

It took 20 years, but Jean Schmidt’s floor speech on John Murtha is no longer the most embarrassing thing to come out of the Second District of Ohio.

There’s that Bengals defense that we’ve been waiting to see for a few weeks.

Flacco is EL33T

In his defense, James Franklin was the most successful and best coach in PSU football history. Of course, when one of your coaches spent decades covering up child sexual abuse, that’s a pretty low bar to clear.

Whaddya know. It turns out you have to crap your pants two weeks in a row to be fired at Penn State.

As a Cincinnatian, I contend that this should put you on a TSA no-fly list.

Trap. Game. James.