Rolled up on one of those damned Lime scooters blocking the sidewalk, so I hopped off my bike, picked up the scooter and hurled it into a shrub. As I got back on my bike, I saw a woman in a nearby parked car making a 😲 face. I smiled, waved, then went on my way.

Why do I always get neighbors whose taste in Mexican music varies between "accordion stuck in a broken washing machine", and "two tubas, an accordion, and a drunk trumpet player stuck in a broken washing machine"? They do sometimes cue up "Myron Floren fights a taqueria", tho.

Coworker: "does your place have an HOA?" Me: "Girl, it's a ghetto-ass trailer park. The only HOA we got is hookers, overdoses, and amphetamines."

Repost if you’d like me to represent the UK at #Eurovision 2027.

I think that customer might have heard me mutter, "Good! Fuck Israel!" at the end of #Eurovision voting, 'cuz they totally made a 🫢 face. Congrats, Bulgaria. 🇧🇬

Learned two things tonight. One, there's a local makerspace that organizes a nighttime neighborhood bike ride once a month, and two, I can keep a bike vertical after ingesting two pints of 9% "Full Moon" wheat ale. (I wasn't drinking on the ride, but at the bar meet afterwards) 🥴

Rock & Rye, Moon Mist, Redpop, Ohana, Grape, Vernors

I have no mouth, and I must scream

Felt sorry for the two young girls I encountered this week, both named Hennessy. One was like 7 years old. Then I met an unfortunate boy named Elon. I'd guess he was about 8, but c'mon, his parents had to know.

Normal people at 2:30am on a Friday: 😴 Me: getting hammered and watching a 25-minute video on air raid sirens. www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-uK...

Achievement Unlocked: Perfectly farted the synth bassline of Benny Benassi's "Satisfaction".

Found the perfect companion for my butter pillow.

One trouble of riding the later night bus routes is a lot of kitchen staff hop on. The man who just sat in front of me smells delicious.

Explaining to the doctor how "it was dark, and you 'accidentally' sat on" a Hammond B-3 is still kinda awkward, tho.

This is just how I look every day. Could've saved hours of work if they'd hired me.

10 minutes of playing "What The Fuck Is Beeping?", led me to find I need to relocate the sensor for my weather station. It was alerting me it was 53°C (127°F) outside, a little higher than the actual 42° reading from a nearby airport. It was in a shaded spot, before the sun angle moved to summer.

Slightly increase a band: Lee "Minor Lacerations" Perry

Trolling Pokémon scalpers by leaving little slips of paper with "IF YOU'RE READING THIS, YOU TAKE IT UP THE BUTT FROM MR. BEAST" written on them in their typical hiding places around the store.

Me, holding these in front of a confused child, asking, "Can you tell me what musical instrument this is?" Child: 😰 Me: "Tuba. Two-ba Nana." Child: ❓ 😕 ❓ Their dad: 😆 "I'm totally stealing that joke."

Amogus

"Spread cheeks, not hate" is certainly a shirt to be seen in, mister guy at the bus stop.

Fuck it, Zordon Mamdani

My fun Friday night: watching planes at LAX on youtube, "Ma Vlast" cranked in me headphones, and a big-ass bowl of mashed potatoes with bacon in my face.

Reading the news, and these words sliding through my head... en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bal...

"I'm not one of *those* kind of drunks," I nervously laugh to the 7-11 guy at 01:55 before scurrying off into the night cradling two mystic purple party punch boxes like a booze goblin.

Kinda reminds me of Enigma and Dune... www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jla6...

It's hiding under four layers of hair gel.

29, or two for Fifty! Birmingham's in Troy Fifty watts per channel, babycakes.

My butt:

I fear reality has broken. Party City, that was a few doors down from Staples closed, and is now a Dollar General. Today, I see a sign that Party City is now in the Staples. What's next, Burger Chef inside of Best Buy?

Damned protein zombies bought up all the pre-packaged hard-boiled eggies, and now I'm going to have to stab someone with a spoon. Fuck these idiots, from the bottom of my Lunchable.

Any time I see someone advertising themselves as psychic, I wanna chuck a water-soaked nerf ball at them, from behind.

Bumping the best track for #StarWarsDay www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg_F...

May the forks be with you. :(){ :|:& };:

It's time for people opposing data centers (and ICE camps whilst we're at it), to take lessons from the farmers of Owens Valley. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Califor...

Need these guys to do some of my Squishables. youtu.be/9JUwHi03fcc

Doing my part to fit in with the locals by downing a blue razzberry Beatbox and climbing on the roof of my RV at 11pm to fix a busted vent.

Not quite a @musicologyduck.bsky.social experience, but our bus driver just lost his phone out the window, and has pulled over to go find it.

Completed Acts of Confusion for the week: Gave departing team leader a bottle of Snoop Dogg wine, cat toys, cupcakes, and a potato as a thank you gift. Recited the Hover Bacon lyrics in The Movie Guy™ voice whilst stocking shelves, not realizing there was a family behind me.

Vanilla Pickle sounds like a psychedelic rock band.

All set for @mcchris.bsky.social and @megaran.com 😎

Putting this alongside the "Lowtax Banning Hentai Led to Trump's Presidency" in the "Gooners Will Destroy the World" file.

In "Freakazoid", there's an excellent parody of Jonny Quest called "Toby Danger". They even use several of the original voice actors for the parody. Race Bannon's counterpart, Dash O'Pepper, solves problems by throwing barrels at them, shouting, "Just let me throw a barrel at it!"

TIL, "Smooth Criminal" was about a CPR dummy. www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n1J...

Protip: if the antenna sheathing starts separating on a cheap Boofwang radio, some heatshrink tube can fix it. 😎👍

Why bother with Elon's stupid rockets, when you can take the bus?

People say Sam Bankman-Fried has no realistic way to get out of his 25-year sentence. Sure he does. Depends how tight he can tie a bedsheet around the top bunk.