Godspeed, fair Bonnie. 😭 youtu.be/Nx-x_1lIXh4

Me asking the girl at the liquor store counter if they've restocked my favorite Beatbox flavor.

My bag of frozen hamburger patties had one extra, but my Lunchable is short a cracker. 😐

Serpents, and spiders, tail of a rat… Call in the spirits, wherever they're at! Rap on a table, it's time to respond… Send us a message from somewhere beyond!

My take on the Platner thing... As one who's been recently inserted into the RV living space, I learned the tank where poop is stored is called the "blackwater tank". Says it all, really.

I need two of these, positioned and illuminated like the deadly sphinxes in "The Neverending Story".

Coworker: "What do you do to chill out after work?" Me: "Get drunk and watch twenty minutes of some guy standing in a Czech drain vault under Prague during a thunderstorm." Cw: "What?" Me: "Here, check it out. Guy's a loony." www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbbJ...

Only way the Freedom 250 concert would have been better was if they ended on KLF's "America" and fired machine guns into the crowd. www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_25...

Chatting with a guy who was pounding back a White Claw at the bus stop, when a passing car was rocking "Fortunate Son". He said it reminded him of a friend of his when he was younger, who was blasting it at his 4th of July party. The friend was from Vietnam, and loved the song.

Short-circuiting customers' brains today by wishing them "Merry America!" 🎆 🇺🇸 🎇

When the package tracker says "you're the next stop", and shows the driver going away from your house...

AMD trying to be like Nvidia with their shite GeForce Now, and sneak an Ai chatbot into the system unless you dig into the custom install options. I don't want to talk to my video drivers, Wendy, I want to play games!

"Is your PIN a real PIN, or is it just made-up numbers?" -Teen girl to her friend

Why the one black anchor look like a Pixar character? Did they add him with CGI?

What’s it like inside your head?

🦈💖🏳️‍⚧️ youtu.be/OwgvshnbgM8

America, where in the same state, one set of parents face jail for starving their child, whilst another for feeding theirs to death. 🤷🏽‍♀️

It may not rank the same as ripping out a fart when the contents of your colon are of... questionable viscosity, but sneezing with a mouthful of mashed potatoes is, unpleasant.

What I said to my coworker: "yeah, I pounded 3 Hard American Dews, and it wrecked my guts." What the HR lady overheard: "yeah, I pounded 3 hard American *dudes*, and it wrecked my guts." Her face when I explained she misheard: 😳 🫢 🫣

In news that surprises nobody, a "child safety" techbro dumped his wife and kids, stole all his company's money, and bought a house and exotic car for the hooker he shacked up with in Miami. www.fox10phoenix.com/news/wife-tu...

The way the is got truncated in the timeline was hilarious, and if had happened, would've been a great thing. (the original got deleted for an incorrect date)

I don't remember much else of the dream after waking up, aside from a moment of banging on a table and shouting, "I'MMA PUNCH SEAN DUFFY IN THE DICK!"

Riding my bike to the bus station after work, and I got whacked in the head by a bat. Fortunately it was the squeaky flap-flap kind. 🦇

Shit like this is why I swore off HP ages ago. They screwed me on their AMD laptop that cooked its own northbridge off the board due to insufficient cooling. Their BIOS would balk at loading "unauthorized" wifi cards. They tried to warranty replace a large-format printer with a desktop model.

Dudebro came thru my lane wearing a shirt reading "If genders confuse you, try milking a bull". I looked him in the eye, said, "I have. Grandparents ran a dairy. 'AI' means something different in that world." I don't know if he was red from embarrassment or anger, but either works for me. 😏

Si Quæris Genus Amœnam, Circumspice

Hah, the EVGA website only lists PSUs as their current products? El oh el. Rest in piss, you fucking wankers. 🤣

A third of the way into my second Beatbox, watching Disney's "Paint the Night" parade, and willing to publicly admit I would let James P. "Sulley" Sullivan ride me like a rented bicycle.

Who has two thumbs, and just spilled Mystic Grape Beatbox all over themselves? 👉🏽😅👈🏽

I honestly think one could run for president in 2028 with the promise of putting everyone, down to the guy who fills the coffee machine at FBI HQ, up against a wall, and win in a landslide.

One box of spirals (the best) Kraft Dinner, and one can of Wolf (no beans) chili, equals 😋

Some dad gave me a dirty look when I was complaining about some book on the shelf and said, "oooh, hurr durr, I throw football good so I can put my dick in Taylor Swift".

Stop The Steal(erships)!

Mom texted me to be careful when I camped out at Pier 27 in San Francisco to watch the arrival of the Queen Elizabeth a few years ago. I replied, "C'mon, mom, when's the last time anything bad happened when a boatload of British people showed up?"

A third of the way into my third Hard American Dew and pondering the currents of my life that led to me seeing one of the guys from Sealab 2021 live in the basement of a theater in suburban Phoenix. 🤔

I have acquired @mcchris.bsky.social and @megaran.com merch. 💸

🤪 crazy + 🌚 new-moon =

Every time I hear someone cheer or shout in surprise at Fantasmic! I have to remind myself there's normies that haven't seen it like 200+ times. 😅

As long as my bike doesn't come off the rack, I will not say anything to the local Metro operator about this bus driver doing tonight's route like he's playing Midtown Madness. 🚌 💨

There now follows a party political broadcast by the Count Binface Party. And tbh it’s a banger. #Makerfield #VotingForBinface

Quite a few people remember K-Mart's "I shipped my pants!" ad spots, but how many remember this short-lived gem that I was reminded of by now being old enough to need the product... www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQrv...

The bureaucrats are upset this guy proved their irrelevance for nearly 20 years.

We once chased an ice cream truck across Detroit because we wanted Choco Tacos, and the guy took off when we parked and got out to run up and buy some. Turns out he thought we were going to rob him. He was very relieved when we bought a dozen of them.

Watching a bootleg recording of Rush's opening night of the Fiftysomething tour in L.A., and cried so hard at the Neil Peart tribute I gave myself hiccups. 😭

I have words, but to speak them would get me banned for a few days, and to put them to action would require a passport that I would gladly pay for expedited service to burn these hooligans from my ancestral lands.

The jemlyfish is next to the jemlyfish floating over the jemlyfish.

Also drunk me: "the framerate on my eyeballs is *amazing*" 🫪