Cam (aka Cam)
@c-a-m.bsky.social
📤 164
📥 122
📝 187
CEO of being correct
This is probably the last thing Brooklyn Beckham heard before Victoria ruined his wedding
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4 days ago
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Regardless of how you felt about Scott Adams, he left his mark on the world - drawing an egg-shaped dog with glasses and briefly selling frozen burritos that made people shit titanium ingots
12 days ago
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Snorting 800mg of the pills from Limitless so I can reach a triple-digit IQ
14 days ago
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I had to give up watching SNL because every time a cast member looks dead into the camera and reads off a cue card while wearing a silly Party City costume I literally start shitting and pissing and convulsing with laughter
16 days ago
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At this point they really should consider rescinding that FIFA Peace Prize and Democrat leadership should really consider publishing a strongly-worded letter
22 days ago
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reposted by
Cam (aka Cam)
The thread o’ tweets
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Cam (aka Cam)
mr. cannoli
3 months ago
why bother even wiping anymore what's the fucking point
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Society started to unravel the moment we stopped rofl-ing and started lmao-ing
3 months ago
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Never expected in a million years to hear Taylor Swift singing about ass-to-mouth but here we are I guess
4 months ago
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If I win the lottery I might just start tipping DoorDash drivers again
5 months ago
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reposted by
Cam (aka Cam)
Ken Klippenstein
8 months ago
funniest day online since the billionaire submersible went missing
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The Amazon app any time you even slightly touch the bottom bar
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8 months ago
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Still can't believe they announced an American Pope by having Miller High Life spray out of the chimney
9 months ago
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Regardless of who becomes the next Pope I just hope their scepter-holding abilities are up to par
9 months ago
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My first time watching Wrestlemania in years and the first thing I see is Stone Cold drunk driving an ATV into the barrier and injuring a fan in the front row
9 months ago
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Being chased by a dog would be ten times scarier if you were a midget. It's probably like an irl From Software boss encounter to them
10 months ago
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Give it at least 6 months and we're gonna start seeing Kid Rock hosting squirt-offs at Mar-a-Lago. My clairvoyance is not to be questioned
10 months ago
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Just found out September by Earth Wind and Fire was written by a white woman that looked like Bruce Vilanch and I don’t know how to process it
11 months ago
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reposted by
Cam (aka Cam)
The Elder Memes
11 months ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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They didn't believe me when I said I got that dawg in me so I dragged my ass on their carpet and started chewing through some throw pillows
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Cam (aka Cam)
mr. cannoli
about 1 year ago
every flag and ideological symbol you have in your bio reduces how seriously you should be taken by 10%, if you have 10 you immediately transform into a bug
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Pearl Harbor could have easily avoided if the navy painted waifus on those ships
about 1 year ago
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There are some people who really go through life not knowing that Tony Soprano owned two boats named after his balls
about 1 year ago
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Rewatching Passion of The Christ and the scene where Jesus sticks both middle fingers up and breaks off of the cross while Limp Bizkit plays still brings tears to my eyes
about 1 year ago
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Haven't slept in weeks - every time I toss and turn the microplastics in my balls sounds like an indigenous rain stick
about 1 year ago
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After a lot of thought I can honestly say this year I'm most thankful for living in a time where I can play Family Guy shovelware while taking a shit
about 1 year ago
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1974: Philippe Petit walks on a tightrope between the Twin Towers 2012: Felix Baumgartner jumps to Earth from the stratosphere 2024:
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about 1 year ago
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Every single upload from The Dodo is some variation of "this pit bull ate an entire preschool but is now a sweetheart because a woman with the worst flash tattoos ever adopted him"
about 1 year ago
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They left me with no choice, I had to go Flinstones: Viva Rock Vegas on them 😔
about 1 year ago
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1:50 AM and I can’t stop thinking about Gucci Mane depicting himself as Buzz Lightyear on two separate mixtapes
about 1 year ago
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British prisons sound fun as hell. You forget to pay your TV license and get sentenced to indoor recess
about 1 year ago
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After five straight hours of watching boxing on Netflix all I can remember is a woman’s eyelid almost falling off and Mike Tyson’s asscheeks
about 1 year ago
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Ignoring the fact that he ripped a woman’s face off, Travis the Chimp seemed like a pretty laid back guy
over 1 year ago
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Seeing tons of Twitter users jump ship to Bluesky and then realizing the implications of tons of Twitter users jumping ship to Bluesky
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over 1 year ago
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Stocking up on Metamucil so I can continue shitting on the haters at unprecedented levels
over 1 year ago
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Me listing myself as a reference and telling employers why they should hire me
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over 1 year ago
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There’s not a damn thing they can do to stop me from committing loan fraud so I can summon Oni on my detractors
over 1 year ago
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And they said I'd never achieve anything in life
over 1 year ago
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Everyone who saw Jimmy cracking corn and said they didn't care was a fucking liar
over 1 year ago
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I'm not one to brag but all of my DVDs have interactive menus
over 1 year ago
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Literally every Theo Von joke: "Yeah man, I grew up with a kid called uhhhhh Johnny Assholes. We called him Johnny Assholes 'cause uhhhh he had two assholes, man. Went numero dos twice as much as the average homo sapien, ya dig?"
over 1 year ago
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The same generation that proudly wears Vietnam veteran baseball caps is the same generation that complains about participation trophies
over 1 year ago
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British people dunk on Americans for gun violence but will literally rip the sink off the wall and beat their wives with it if Adyebe Okele Dimbwembe misses a goal and costs Poppinghamshire FC United a single soccer game
over 1 year ago
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Not even 24 hours after Bluesky implements DMs and my inbox is flooded with unsolicited giant titty pics and people thanking me for how timeless and entertaining my posts are
over 1 year ago
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Never have I been more disappointed by being misled by a news headline in my life
almost 2 years ago
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Out of morbid curiosity I want to see an instance of a ventriloquist having a racism scandal just to see what percentage of people would actively call for the dummy to get cancelled
almost 2 years ago
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Anyone who says they can easily name the biggest tragedy to happen in 2001 clearly wasn't there to remember Sega discontinuing the Dreamcast
almost 2 years ago
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Feeling very ashamed and upset after realizing that buying an Apple Pencil and Procreate wouldn't miraculously turn me into a skilled artist
almost 2 years ago
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Blue checkmarks are the 2020s equivalent of dunce caps
almost 2 years ago
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Me after a heated exchange with the AMC Theatres staff over exhibiting my constitutional right to fuck the Dune 2 popcorn bucket as soon as the opening trailers start
almost 2 years ago
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