thinking about when my brother was talking about diff 💊, and i was like idk any or what they do, all I know is w🍁d and h💉n in terms of illegal ones, so he was like right ok I have an idea, and showed me the chem structure of m3th , and I was like +

you'd think at 150 day streak of meditations id be a chill guy ... but actually im a ball of anxiety all the time about everything. my body is cortisol maxing, as the kids would say

ive seen all this stuff about checking meat for parasites, but is it bad to say I actually personally dont care. as long as its only infecting the meat and not humans then its chill. and even if it infects humans it depends how badly, if I can ignore it I will its just too much energy to spend atp

how unfair is it that my uni are doing a free trip to China for a small group of students , and usually as im top of my year id be in a great position to get it.... but im too weak and sick to even go to uni atp nvrmind all the way to China 🫠 I want to be healthy so bad

ugh my tummys so bloated, I hate eating, if i had 1 wish it would be that id survive off of photosynthesis

I think its intresting that people are saying the epstein stuff is demonic/satanic and is devil worship because I think its more comforting to believe its an outside evil force acting on humans and not just humans themselves I think its scarier to think its just humans love torturing other humans

the goal is being so busy studying theres just no time to even think abt food!

I know this isnt very *recovery* of me, but this is what a 30 lbs difference does to my body

im on ft to my partner and I hear his mum in the background tidying his room and calling it disgusting .... he better not try that with me ill burn his shit

I at least managed to study for a while before my tummy began to hurt. I have 5 days until my period but I think im gonna ahve cramps all though until it ends

I might be disabled and physically no help. but I can tell yous that chlorine is explosive when mixed with petroleum products (eg gasoline) , so ❌️never❌️ mix those things !

I was gonna try read and relax but I cant, I keep seeing things about the 3pt3in f1les , and fuck me its so disturbing , everytime u think "thats got to be the worst" theres always something worse

Wordle 1,691 3/6 🟩⬜⬜⬜🟩 🟩🟩🟩⬜🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 this might be my most impressive one yet

I didnt eat as much today as yesterday and the moment my tummy began to hurt I took my anti nausea .... so overall not the worst, if everyday was like this I could handle it

so I tried to eat more yesterday, and now my tummy is bloated and hurts. I tried to study but I could only handle 30 minutes then I was exhausted and had to lay down. I hate this already

I finished the last book of the poppy war series, the burning god, omg ive just had my heart torn from my chest and ripped to a million pieces

anyway, I may as well try and recover cause I dont want to cause her anymore pain, plus I cant take more pain myself. but most people in our family die in their late 30s, the unlucky ones 20s and the luckier ones 40s ,, but rlly nobody but my mum has made it past their 40s.

also to update yous on my mother's current attitude towards my weight,, so she obviously hasn't stopped talking about it at first it was all *but Victoria Beckham is your weight and shes fine* then yesterday it was *im genuinely scared for you going to uni and back* +

I hope yous know i rlly love and appreciate every single one of yous rn im having a hard time (health wise) and i cant keep up with normal day to day tasks my education, mental health, and relationships are being affected I cant keep doing this much more

morning bsky! I swear I tried elly hard to make it to uni today as well, I went to sleep at like 10 pm , but by the time it hit 6am my body was so exhausted I couldnt move, so I left it 7am and I still the same, im wondering if that trip to uni is just a bit much for my body rn

btw I made it in today and I was proud of myself, I had my partner with me going to and coming from uni,, he has no idea how much that means to me.

guyssss juno had the cake that made him shrink ! how cute !! he is the size of the micropet !!

I know most people who are as pale as me wear light nail colours, but I think the deeper darker colours suit me better. like a deep red, purple, blue, green etc ,, over gold, peach, cream, pastels etc

gonna try read and get an early night tonight. hopfully ill feel great and ready for tmoro!

my mum pisses me off sm. she tried to say her health issues are worse and more worrying than mine .... her "health issues" btw, are that she gets heart burn when she eats greasy foods sometimes ....

its so wild to me that people still believe the vax gives autism thing, they always say "scientists could be lying!" and its like yeah ... there was 1 scientist nut job that lied ... but you seem to believe him over every other scientist to exist since then

right im gonna tell you guys the dream then what i think it could be about after rigorous googling lol

good morning, I was crying in my dream ....

I might be a child cause im watching bridgerton and im on ft, and a sex scene came on so I distracted myself with my water bottle and then I caught myself on my phone and realised I was blushing 😭

I tried to let it out but I think i might be emotionally constipated....

im going to give myself a little bit of crying time, hopfully this somehow helps, even if the endorphins dull the pain a bit

I can let my body kill me if it allows me to be alive a tiny bit longer, just until I have read the books I want to and have been able to experience at least 1 more takeaway.

ugh im so tired of the stomach pain, im tired of being unwell all the time. this time I was my fault, my mum bought me chocolates for my birthday and I had 3. now im in pain :/ I should've known they tasted too nice to go without punishment

the burning god spoiler / / / "You missed me!" she screamed at the mountainside. at the spot where plumes furled up from the last dirigible's wreckage, "You fucking missed!" Of course no one answered. Her voice, thin and reedy, faded without echo into the frigid air but +

I seen someone talking about how tuberculosis chic is in , amd how its trendy to look malnourished, pale, etc .... and know what .... I see it now

if i looked like this id nvr complain again

I hate chronic pain

ok guys so I feel a bit better today, Last night I was struggling mentally, I tried to ignore it by eating, accidentally caused a flare, was in pain and feeling sick so took my tablets, forgot about the side effect where it puts me to sleep, and slept for ages, but now im awake and I think+

I thought you guys might be too kind to say horrible things to me on my bc lol , but honestly im gaining so fast and if i keep this up im gonna end up wildly obese :/ idk where people might be nasty to me about a bc, maybe twt? but the side i was on before everyone was so kind.

woke up to what can only be my upstairs neighbours throwing bowling balls off the walls and letting them crash to the floor 🙃

on this topic actually, I only have 2 real fears. one is entirely possible (pregnancy), and the other is *luckily* very impossible despite scientists and billionaires best efforts. idk if many people would guess the second one tbh tho

im glad to not fear much

yous know whats even worse, im getting so fat again, I took my weight today and I dont want to believe it, im getting so fat so so fast. I know its better for my health, but fuck me at this point I just want to give up everything and stave myself to death.

I just want to cry all the time because I wish I could live without eating, im so done with eating, all it does is damage and give me pain. but I cant go without eating cause then I end up with pain nd problems in a diffrent way

Wordle 1,684 3/6 🟩🟩⬜⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟨⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 I done well with this one

cute <3

food picrew !

this is a sign that everything is going to be okay

I hope it am the biggest loser 💪

ugh my stomach hurts and i definitely deserve it, I had toast for breakfast (2 bits with butter and jam) a greggs for lunch (sausage roll and chicken bake) then a bit of cake and some chocolate (chocolate cake + choco buttons) really I deserve more pain for being a greedy cvnt all the time