"I bid you welcome. My name is Bram Stoker's Dracula."

This is what we were told alien abductions were when I was a Christian school kid. They made people think they were aliens because then they could erode belief in God and the Bible.

I range from indifferent-to-interested in most vegan "replica" foods but I struggle with vegan seafood. "Fishy" seems like a dangerous flavor to try and replicate before things go bad quickly.

A macbook dropped about four feet directly into my head and I got a cartoon goose egg.

Can't see the title MOTHER OF FLIES and not sing it in my head to the tune of Everclear's 'Father of Mine.'

If you watch a block of commercials from the 80’s or 90’s they’re often using an aspirational nuclear family as part of the sell, and if you watch a lot of commercials now, they’re often about how to make an extravagant life of leisure even easier.

Reminder! “Actor” is a category and MAN FINDS TAPE, F*CK MY SON, DON’T BUY THE LIVERWURST, BAD THOUGHTS, NOISE/COMPLAINT, WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING all came out in 2025. Just sayin. 😬

Just got my third audition for this show and this advice turned out to be 100% true because this time they sent me a character.

You can’t tell me it’s not on purpose.

Simpsons episodes broken down by IMDB rating. Looks like I gotta check out season 23 episode 22 and season 30 episode 18 to see what the deal with those were

I found all the MORTAL ENGINES Anna Fang Funko Pops you were looking for at Barton Creek Mall.

Can’t hear ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” without wanting so say “YOURE LISTENING TO ART BELL AND THE KINGDOM OF NIGH” out loud.

The double-take I just double-took

Ok, new goal.

I’m genuinely sorry he’s had to witness all this bullshit.

At @cbr.bsky.social, I updated a look at Sam Kieth's best Marvel covers to add five more, including a little-seen Toxic Crusaders cover. www.cbr.com/sam-kieth-ma...

Gene Shalit turned 100 years old today.

ALF’s butthole just right there on the Tanner furniture.

I feel like I *should* like DUST BUNNY more but.

Letting our kids be kids also means getting back to the basics. That’s why, earlier this year, I signed into law a bipartisan bill that requires school age children be able to name all the main cast Snorks.

There’s always at least one really inappropriate film that squeaks through the cracks on these themed Fandango sales and hoooooo boy, hope the kids love the opening torture in Scorsese’s SILENCE.

…is this the first time this show has been made available to purchase legally?!

I do this all. the. time.

Moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis 2 Moderate 2 Severe Plaque Psoriasis Moderate Tokyo Severe Plaque Psoriasis Moderate & Severe Moderate To The Moderation of the Severity Hobbs & Shaw MTSPP Mod X

At last, a HARRY POTTER that I, a man who was in a coma from November 14, 2001 until just a few minutes ago, can enjoy.

Huh. CBCS is shutting down. They were my preferred comic grading service because of weekend turnaround at Dallas cons (they were local to Dallas) and clearer pricing compared to competitors.

Tithe *and* offering? In this economy?

At last, a MOANA for me, a sophisticated adult with no patience for children’s cartoons.

I assume from the quantity of commercials I see that all Americans have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis .

Sam Kieth’s art united the indie snobs, the Vertigo goths, the early Image kids, the Wolverine fanboys…Nobody else can claim that.

We have lost an amazing legend. R.I.P. Sam Kieth. www.cbr.com/sam-kieth-th...

Sam Keith wasn't just an incredible artist and writer. He was a hand grenade rolled into the Big 2. His cover work on mainstream comics shredded the envelope by their four-color extremity.

This is a few years old. Friends submitted artists for me to draw myself “in the style of.” Was fun to consider what elements to riff on. It was challenging to dig out Sam Kieth’s work and figure out how to make it work for me.

Sam Kieth has passed. There are so many great comics creators I love, but Sam is on my Mount Rushmore. The Maxx was a revelation when I first read it. What a sad loss. What a great creator. I will miss your light in this world intensely.

My alabaster milk child Teuton keeps asking for ranch dressing at the caviar factory, it is most epic. The fishmongers despise him.

This is a fake spray but I wouldn't mind one bit if my whole head turned grey.

Ok, I did NOT know Marvel did an adaptation of this...

NY film folk! Want to see an awesome, one-of-a-kind genre film and support indie horror? TOUCH ME is opening in NYC this weekend. You're not gonna see anything else like it this (or any) year. angelikafilmcenter.com/villageeast/...

👏👏👏👏👏

I could tune out all the mall music except for this one song. One night, due to car problems, I had to sleep in the mall (lived in Austin; working in San Antonio) and every time it came on, it woke me up. www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY4Y...

I remember when I went to see OPEN WATER and beforehand I was like "these two better not just bob up and down and blame each other the entire movie" and then they did just that.

If I were asked to pitch a sequel, I’d have them fall and then talk all the way down in real time as they plummeted like an airborne MY DINNER WITH ANDRÉ.

Hey, great movie. You haven't seen it in a while and you forgot how good the dialogue is.

This year, for me, has been a lot of "one step forward, two steps back" and the steps back are being caused by direct punches to my face. Metaphorically. There's comedy in getting a job and thinking "this is it; I can stop worrying all the time" and then being cold plunged into the deepest worry.

I don't know what to do.

Last year, I couldn’t attend SXSW bc I couldn’t walk. This year, I couldn’t drive. Next year? SWIMMING.