WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS

I’m not doing Ames Toilet Paper Reviews. Jeff’s toilet paper was disappointing, but I stand firmly with their staff and against college students.

And with that, we’ve crossed the border into Counciltucky. Perhaps Omaha Toilet Paper Reviews will return someday. ✌🏻❤️🧻

Block 16 (Downtown) 🧻 Rating: C+ The toilet paper roll is wide, perforated, not overly see through, and tore well. Its lack of heft is contrasted by its absorbency. It was too rough, though. Far from the best, but overall a very decent toilet paper experience.

Western Heritage Museum (Downtown) 🧻 Rating: B I knew I was in for a treat the second I saw this TP. I could tell the embossed texture was going to be soft and comforting and something about the two plies just spoke to me. It was very absorbent, but not quite as soft as I hoped. Still nice though.

Time to find out what r/Omaha thinks about toilet paper reviews. Why do I do this to myself?

It finally happened 🥹 ✌🏻❤️🧻

I stopped the daily posts about my Advent calendar because it felt like bragging. Now that I've opened the final door, I can catch you up on all the cool stuff I got this year!

I love the hotel I’m staying at (I’m a repeat guest!), but their paper products are very bad. The toilet paper is stabby. I’ve never encountered that before, and it’s so much worse than it just being rough. The staff is super nice and accommodating so I’m trying to decide how to break the news.

EXCUSE ME

I’m in my hometown for Christmas. AMA.

We’ve stopped at Kwik Trip, Love’s, and Casey’s on this drive. Somewhat surprisingly, Love’s definitely had the best overall toilet paper experience. I assumed Kwik Trip would win. Casey’s was by far the worst though. I do not rate non-Twin Cities TP.

The tp dispenser at the Clinton Falls Kwik Trip is having a rough morning.

Does anyone know how to get in touch with Zach Woods (aka Gabe from The Office, Jared from Silicon Valley, funniest person on the internet, etc)? Turns out being a toilet paper reviewer with upwards of 811 bsky followers doesn’t quite put me on his radar.

Does anyone know how to get in touch with Zach Woods (aka Gabe from The Office, Jared from Silicon Valley, funniest person on the internet, etc)? Turns out being a toilet paper reviewer with upwards of 811 bsky followers doesn’t quite put me on his radar.

City Cast wants input on such things as the Twin Cities Person of the Year. You know what to do. ✌🏻❤️🧻

All 2025 toilet paper review and rating data has officially been dumped* into a spreadsheet**. Let the overanalyzing begin! *read: painstakingly and meticulously organized and broken out in increasingly unnecessary ways **it’s one Google Sheets file, but it’s definitely not only one sheet

This is what happens when you BYOTP. Don’t BYOTP. Just check the rating of the TP at your destination and plan accordingly. No review/rating? Lmk and I’ll add it to my list. ✌🏻❤️🧻

Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and totally forgot to do a review last night despite going to the library and also Tiff’s?

Eat Street Crossing (Minneapolis) 🧻 Rating: D+ I am not exaggerating when I say I had a visceral reaction to this toilet paper.

I am begging everyone to stop talking to me about bidets. I only rate toilet paper. Bidets are not toilet paper. Someone plz become the Twin Cities Bidet Reviewer and free me from this hell.

Coming soon: TCTPR Rolled ✌🏻❤️🧻

I keep thinking I’ve done my last review of the year but then another thing comes up. So I’m declaring that my last review for 2025 will be of the toilet paper at Highland Park Library. As far as toilet paper is concerned, 2026 starts tomorrow.

Decriminalize normal bodily functions and the noises that go along with them.

Tonight I will get the answer to the question we’ve all been asking since September: which Twin Cities Nerd Nite venue TP reigns supreme?

If you see this, we IMPLORE YOU to post a picture from whatever device you're using without explanation.

I really thought you’d all care about the A rating a lot more.

Key West Bistro (Minneapolis) 🧻 Rating: A 🚲 Bib-worthy I still only shill for Charmin, but this toilet paper is completely deserving of its spot on the same tier.

Key West Bistro (Minneapolis) 🧻 Rating: A 🚲 Bib-worthy I still only shill for Charmin, but this toilet paper is completely deserving of its spot on the same tier.

Hey, what happened to that game-changing review you promised a few weeks ago but then never posted? — You, probably I record the rating for each toilet paper immediately after washing my hands. Normally when I take more than a few days to post a review, I question everything. So I sat on this one.

74% sure the stuff falling out of the sky and coating the ground is not toilet paper

Landmark Center (St. Paul) 🧻 Rating: C+ Perforated and had some heft to it.

As a child I always dreamed of the day when I could get one of those chocolate Advent calendars and eat all of it in one day. Turns out giving myself a bunch of toilet paper is way better than that.

I just love them so much ✌🏻❤️🧻🏝️

IT STOPPED

Kind of annoyed that they’re basically copying my Advent Calendar concept. Very rude.

Opened up today's box early since I almost forgot about it yesterday. ✌🏻❤️🎄🧻

Slang has ruined the phrase, “It’s Giving Tuesday.” Anyway, if you give any kind of financial support before Christmas you will get an exclusive toilet paper-themed but still TBD thank you gift. ✌🏻❤️🎄🧻

My Advent Calendar is off to an ~Ultra Soft~ start!

PSA: furniture is not toilet paper, even if it’s the same color and texture as toilet paper.

Seasonal display names can get confusing so I just wanted to make sure you all know that it’s just me, your friendly neighborhood TP reviewer.

exasperated reminder And add anything about buttholes to the list

Might make my display name festive. Vote for your fave and/or suggest a different one. A. Twin Cities Toilet Wrapping Paper Reviews 2. Twin Cities Toilet Paper Reviews but Festive

Until they invent a way to fold paper in half more than seven times there will not be a toilet paper in the world where one square is sufficient. Even god-tier TP (Charmin Ultra Soft) requires a minimum of 3.

I still haven’t actually seen the Charmin Forever Roll in person with my own eyes (not that I’ve tried to). I love seeing/hearing about all you normies happening upon it with no prior warning to its existence though, so really do keep tagging me in those posts. ✌🏻❤️🧻

Someone blocked me over this post back when I first skeeted it. Not because they were mad that St. Paul is better, but because they have no sense of humor. I love that for them.

This was fun yesterday so let’s play again. AMA, doesn’t have to be TP-related.

Honestly, just to provide levity and clog the intertubes with wholly unserious content during these trying times. I’d rather have someone go check out a small biz they’ve never been to because they saw me mention it than have that biz get better TP 🤷🏻‍♀️

Go on then, be game.

When the political discussions get to be too much today, just tell your family about that fucking weirdo who posts about toilet paper. Can you believe what she said about the State Fair’s TP? And she’s a woman! On my good Christian internet?! Absolutely disgusting. ✌🏻❤️🧻