Everyday I get closer to a crashout. Everyday the emotions I try to conceal leak through. I hate that.

I am so incredibly exhausted emotionally and physically but can't sleep. My eyes hurt from being awake. I keep drifting in and out of being aware of what's going on around me because of my brain being tired and blanking. This is awful.

I can't wait til we're 21 because I want to relearn mixology. I really need a hobby again that is independently my own.

Note to self, don't let yornch drink. He makes the body feel like shit.

I do not understand the insistence to stand next to someone you know is a genuinely awful person. The idea that someone can get better is not unprofound, but when their behaviors have been so strikingly consistent; how will they get any better with no consequences?