The secret to life is breathing. Fuck love.

Put on the dog's shock collar and see how much words mean to you then.

Fun fact: I'm 3 years older than Danny Glover when he first said he was "too old for this shit." That means I'm really too old for this shit.

Yo’ mama’s so munchausen/No yo’ mama’s so munchausen/Well both our moms is killing us slowly/Yeah well my moms loves me more/Yeah well I’m fixin' to die first/Well, fine, then, you win, is that what you want to hear?/Yes. & I love you/I love you but not in a poison'y kind of way

Shit's about to get very V for Vendetta'y.

I’ve never seen a plastic bag dancing in the wind & thought that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I have seen a plastic bag dancing in the wind & thought, fuck yeah, I forgot doggie bags & my Rottie just took a huge dump in the yard next door & I don’t wanna be a shitty neighbor.

Don't know when it's gonna come out but I'm pretty fucking stoked that my book TRASH POMES 4 TRASH PEOPLE is going to be published by one of my favorite presses out there ANXIETY PRESS. Been working on it for 5 years & had never really written poetry before & wasn't sure if anybody'd "get it" so...

"I pretended Johnny Cash was my father and my father, like Johnny Cash, was finally dead so I could finally forgive him all the ways that he’d been mean and dismissive to me" @thedrevlow.bsky.social's "The Ghost of Johnny Cash Sings of Fire" trampset.org/the-ghost-of...

Sorry for all the self-promoting, but here's the last one for a while I promise. Thanks so much to @trampset.bsky.social for taking my latest auto-fic baby "The Ghost of Johnny Cash Sings of Fire." Trampset rocks hard & actually pays $. I hope this one does them justice. trampset.org/the-ghost-of...

So excited to have made it to the halls of the great @xraylitmag.bsky.social with my lil auto-fic piece about almost being rescued from my not so imminent death. Thanks so much to Chris Dankland and the rest of the X-folks for giving this baby a shot at the big time. xraylitmag.com/late-to-work...

we have a micro by Benjamin Drevlow @thedrevlow.bsky.social ! i'm starting to believe that what most ppl want most out of life is to be rescused from it...this 178 word story embodies that feeling for me. check it out xraylitmag.com/late-to-work...

Typos is my arse poetika.

3rd in my trilogy of @bloodhoneylit.bsky.social stories. Big thanks to @davidestringel.bsky.social @happilander.bsky.social. Maybe you check it out? Maybe you read other awesome stuff over there? Maybe you spread the word about how B+H is? Maybe? #slimshady www.bloodhoneylit.com/fiction/chic...

Micro-fiction "Chicka-Chicka Slim Shady" by Benjamin Drevlow! “Like Eminem’s I Don’t Give a Fuck but in which I give a fuck about everything, all things, and can’t do anything about them, but scream I don’t give a fuck…” www.bloodhoneylit.com/fiction/chic...

What if Morgan Freeman had answered Brad Pitt's "What's in the box? What's in the box...?" with "Dick in the box"?

What if Morgan Freeman had answered Brad Pitt's "What's in the box? What's in the box...?" with "Dick in the box"?

Talked about this baby in that interview with @bloodhoneylit.bsky.social. Pitch: A novel-in-autobiographical-stories-in-reverse. Thought maybe some of y'all 2025 people might still dig it. Props to Adam @cowboyjamboree.bsky.social for believing in me back then. www.amazon.com/Ina-Baby-sto...

Thanks so much to David Estrignel from (@bloodhoneylit.bsky.social) for asking me to do this lovely interview with such great questions. Maybe you might read and understand why I do what I do... wrong www.bloodhoneylit.com/beneath-and-...

"If God’s a dude and Eve was a chick and we’re all God’s children, then it’s pretty gross that he wanted to watch his adult daughter running around naked with his adult son in the first place." @farewelltransmiss.bsky.social farewelltransmission.net/2025/08/note...

Very stoked to have this story about mowing Big Beef & Cheddars & getting in a fight in Hardees published by the beautiful John Bowie over @bristolnoir.bsky.social. You really need to check them out if you haven't yet... & maybe check me out, too. www.bristolnoir.co.uk/the-captain-...

Huge thanks to Alan ten-Hoeve & Rob Kaniuk from the great great Farewell Transmission for publishing this sexy sexy pome about Adam & Steve & God rasslin' with their big snake. farewelltransmission.net/2025/08/note...

He was a little bit rock'n'roll, she was a little bit Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

This one goes in your must-read pile:

Sometimes I get a little aggro with my self-hugs.

"I’m not going to lie, even with all the blood & you on your period, I’m getting turned on in a way that is both disturbing but also kind of sweet. I try tweezers, try mini-tongs, try a toothbrush, both sides, consider pliers for a hot minute." revolutionjohnjournal.wordpress.com/2025/07/30/j...

"After those bouncers caught us starting to have sex parked outside the over/under club & started pounding on the windows & humping the doors, we stopped having sex & I threw it Reverse and then Drive and peeled off and I drove her all the way home like a gentleman." - "Over/Under"

Warning: things get pretty NSFW with my flashies over at Revolution John today. So live on the wild side and read some NSFWs at work to liven up your Wednesday. revolutionjohnjournal.wordpress.com/2025/07/30/j...

Warning: things get pretty NSFW with my flashies over at Revolution John today. So live on the wild side and read some NSFWs at work to liven up your Wednesday. revolutionjohnjournal.wordpress.com/2025/07/30/j...

So much love to @bloodhoneylit.bsky.social @davidestringel.bsky.social, & @happilander.bsky.social for publishing this roller coaster of a story about a flyer for a ukulele club. Would be grateful if you would give her a quick little read. www.bloodhoneylit.com/fiction/ukul...

No man is an island. But I am not a man. I am an island. Of trash.

Someday we'll tell our grandkids about when our whole lives revolved around little red dots that determined our happiness, self-worth, and stress all at the same time. ...Well, y'all will tell your grandkids that... I'll be trying to explain MySpace to my AI dogs.

Ready for the second of today's #flashfiction from @thedrevlow.bsky.social? “Today at the zoo, someone has posted a video of a polar bear playing with a cow out swimming.”

If you're not sick of me yet, here's the second of my micros published by the great people at @yourimpossiblevoice.com. It's a love story between a polar bear and a cow. yourimpossiblevoice.com/today-at-the...

Honored to have this little ditty about The Big Lebowski and spreading my brother's ashes in the great great @yourimpossiblevoice.com yourimpossiblevoice.com/that-scene-f...

We're back with not one but two new flashes from @thedrevlow.bsky.social! Our first has one of those classic titles that can't help but make you excited to read. #flashfiction

fyi

I imagine "Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose" sounds a lot cooler & more profound when you’re getting stoned listening to folk music in some college dropout dreadlocked dude’s parents’ basement than when you’re homeless and shitting behind a Domino’s dumpster.

It makes me so happy that the Hulk Hogan sex tape with the wife of Bubba the Love Sponge has an official entry on IMDB and it has a score of 8.4 out of 34 revies, including one that just says "I'm not sure how to watch this film." Touche my friend. Touche. www.imdb.com/title/tt6336...

I semi-regularly accidentally eat the little piece of paper they put between slices of cheese simply because I am too excited to eat my sandwich.

Crazy couple weeks. Dog almost died from copperhead bite but then there was all this good stuff & everybody being so supportive. Anyway, for anybody who missed my trash pomes/stories the first time, here's the full list:

just because the trombone is rusty doesn't mean it has to be sad [waah-waah...]

I'm 46 going on 47 & I still don't really understand the kinesthetics of dudes masturbating while on the toilet. Like is it a "what goes up must 'come' down" kind of situation? What aren't I getting here? And me, my whole young adult life being robbed of the pleasure of whacking off on the toilet.

So warning on this one: if you don't believe cannibals can be star-crossed lovers, then this one's probably not for you. So many thanks to the mad genius @colinmgee.bsky.social for taking a risk on this really fucked up completely true story called "Meat Lovers" thegorkogazette.com/2025/07/10/m...

Since my midwestern "tall wheat stock" syndrome always crops up when people are very kind and complementary of my writing I feel the need to redirect to other cooler stories like this one called "Rocket Science" from @newworldwriting.bsky.social by Anna Mantzaris: newworldwriting.net/anna-mantzar...

Holy shit, so stoked to have this one published by @dontsubmit.bsky.social This one came from a weird place & I don't know how I got where I got. But I'd love it if you'd check it out. It's got honey bees, milk cows, and suicide by castration. It's called "NO KINGS." donotsubmit.net/no-kings-by-...

Holy shit, so stoked to have this one published by @dontsubmit.bsky.social This one came from a weird place & I don't know how I got where I got. But I'd love it if you'd check it out. It's got honey bees, milk cows, and suicide by castration. It's called "NO KINGS." donotsubmit.net/no-kings-by-...

I am fucking killing it. ...he says as he shovels fistfuls of crushed zebra cakes and nacho cheeze doritos down his throat while laid out on the couch binging American Ninja Warriors.

Very excited to announce the great @bruisermag.com has published "To the Manager of the Restaurant Who Was So Disappointed In Me for Stealing Her Pulled Pork." Would be grateful if you gave her a read, maybe even shared with other beautiful people like you: www.bruisermag.com/drevlow_pull...

I understand why the vet does this, but it's not necessarily comforting when the she says, "Gus should be fine, but... also, there's a chance we may need to amputate his tongue." Like: you just have a cavity & we should be able to fix it easy peasy, but... also you might die of a brain aneurysm.

my pitbull is basically a bowling ball fur--including his brain. which apparently means that he's also impervious to a copperhead bite (though I would not recommend)