Even on better days and in better moods, i still know I'm gonna kill myself. I can just distract myself from the truth a bit better

I'm done. but given no option, FUCL FUCK FUCK AHHHHH GOD FUCK FU K

I'm so scared

day by day I'm getting closer. If the law weren't so ass backwards, I'd go buy more booze

one of these days I'll finally drink myself to death

i stopped being

I'm so sorry

i think I'm going to kill myself

hurts

algebruhhh algebruhhhhhh i desperately want to get into an accident

i often want to be hospitalized

ugh i wanna tear my fucking throat out

I'm so tired of hearing all the time like can't people FUCKING STAY QUIET FOR ONCE

im going to need tangible and substantial help from God or I will be losing my life

it's all so fucked

I'm just tired now. not sure if i even want it to get better. I mean yeah obviously i do but I'm so fucking done holding on to hope when nothing changes. so instead i think I'm gonna stay in bed. fuck all of this

God im so fucking PATHETIC I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUAL REALITY I NEED TO FUCKING DIE I'M DESPERATE

And I can't even cry to let out all this pent up shit because apparently I don't deserve any form of respite

I still vent like i did back in fucking middle school but that shouldn't be a surprise because it's still the same fucking life which is the fucking problem

I'm unable to make friends, have been for most of my life now and I REALLY want to rip off the bandaid and plunge myself into a final isolation because at least then, there would be comfort in total overwhelming loneliness. Rekindling hope was one of the worst fucking things I've done

The most important things i learned from three years of therapy. Changing my thought patterns away from hopelessness only serves to help me survive at the bare minimum, ie. eat, clean, hygiene. It is not enough nor is it sustainable NOR does it build a foundation for the future