Man I just. Feel so pathetic. So stuck and unable to change. Like its just so overwhelming, I want to crawl out of my skin, I want to rip my spine out. I dont want to feel anymore.

i think i need to disappear

Ugh. Crazy how much closer to that edge im getting

Imagine sending your ex a picture of you doing something that was originally intended to be done together

God it really fucking hurts tonight and I dont know how to deal with it anymore Ive been running from it but it caught up and fuck it hurts dude it fucking hurts man idk how to deal with this

The long run in question:

Need someone to scratch my head

You know, one day I want to be the first one someone comes to. I want to be the first one to know their exciting information. Their sudden life development. Their unpleasant thoughts. The first one they think to invite. Just kinda sick of being the next in line atp.

Uninstalling Twitter and Bluesky. Getting to a point where im just greeding for anyone's attention and I think I need to get off of social media for a minute.

Ughhhhh I feel like such an annoyance lately because everyone's so busy but my ass wants to hang out and chat

Melatonin is a depressant, right? Probably not in that sense but maybe thats why ive been so goddamn down every night.

High libido weeks are so funky lol

Genuinely so annoying that Im not religious in the slightest but still feel guilty for sinning. Like i feel fucking awful being lustful and posting my nudes and being gay and all that.

I need to be melted down and recast this body of mine fails me

Snappy not be in some form of bodily pain challenge (IMPOSSIBLE):

I need to get some friends to play Halo Infinite with more because its genuinely so much more fun with friends

I want to go back to sleep.

New personal rule: never leave a set early, even if it means staying at a set alone. The feeling of being stuck in traffic does not even compare to what im feeling now knowing what I missed

"I hope you guys are better miners than you are dancers" My ass:

Damn i envy those who can hide in their heads, all mine does is feed me poison

Ya know, it really sucks to know I think about some people way more than they think of me

I really need to move out already man

ohhhh my goddddd my mind is so restless tonight just let meee sleeepppppp

Lol I just wasn't ever kissing someone I actually loved i guess, because I could kiss him for days on end

Love when im laying in bed chilling then boom! Thoughts of death and what's beyond it. woohoo!

First day of college let's gooooooo

Ripping my entire nervous system out because wydm my ass is being brought to my knees by one single nerve

Going to my first solo rave im so anxious hahahah

Two (three if you count the soon-to-be-husband of one) of my friends getting married in September wtf!!! Im so happy for them!!!

Think its so funny when my libido randomly kicks up because ill go a good 3 or so months without any real moods then one random week ill just become a monster

Okay so genuinely so sick of me. When do i form a chrysalis and hatch as a brand new me. Im so desperate. Im in shambles. And I just cant seem to grow. Somethings wrong and I don't know what. Many things could be wrong. But, things are not bad. In fact, things are good Just sick of me

Fuck beds give me a round mattress and some cushions and let me roost Better yet let me have a secluded pear shaped cove with soft cushions and mood lights inside Like this but on the ground

Mannnn when do they make the ibuprofen that just turns you into a silly critter, tired of having this human body and all it comes with 😔

Starting to wonder if I need to accept that im not going anywhere in life and to stop acting like im ruining potential i don't have

Genuinely upset with the way my life is right now, but im grateful for the little things that help distract from it.

catharsis

Im so good at saying stupid shit

The want to send certain friends art but the art is also porn and you can't just send that to people

I kinda miss when my biggest threats were in the Cosmodrome

HOLY SHIT THE HULKS FLY NOW

VOYD 2.5 LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO RAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Really funny that I've been told that I snore from like, 3 different people in the last couple weeks after denying it lmfao

AD, which means of course NSFW, which means of course 18+

Man I really want to love again but im really thinking that maybe I need to work through my anxieties and fears before trying again I don't want what happened last time or any other times to repeat because god was I mess Snappy try not to be codependent challenge: impossible

Ughhhhhh where are the cute boys man don't they know it's pride month I should be making out sloppy style with one rn come on

Ughhh God I need this ibuprofen to kick in faster my throat hurts so goddamn much

Having one of those nights where I wish I was modular and could replace the components that ail me But alas, I am but sick flesh and bone

Bweh.

Contemplating remaking the AD, now that im stable again

Ugh I need like, a complete and utter mental cleanse. Not a memory wipe, just some sort of like, state reset. To not have to be worried about whether or not I'm causing problems for the sake of causing problems or if there's something actually wrong.