I may return to calorie counting, I'm being bothered

I did nothing

maybe going to do something today

little spider friend

vinyl, cd, and cassette of "it's fine to dream" are now up for pre-order + a new shirt design by @daxe.art ^_^ check it out here: youareanangel.diggers.store

breakfast

full bus into missed bus into missed i am about to walk into traffic

Randomly feeling bad and don't know why! Or I do actually know why; feeling like everyone hates you, actively not living as who you want to be, being misunderstood. Every glimpse of what life could be, the rare moments of happiness, I wish I could experience it all more often. I just feel trapped.

I think I'm about to have one of those late night moments where I just feel like shit

in my mall screamo phase

returned to work and I already hate the feeling of getting home exhausted, having the urge to basically do nothing

happy happy happy

having listened to tfgba 3 years ago helped, all the music I had explored from around that time will forever be dear to me, I feel like tearing up just by thinking of yoshis island bands like glass beach inspire me to make music, I wish to speak to others in a way which I have been spoken to thx

got called cute by a girl today

I wish I could just vanish and start again

seeing this put a smile on my face

kind of happy, things have been nice i still struggle to do a lot of things i want & like, executive dysfunction is a bitch, i am leaning more and more towards the idea that i really do need others to get me to do things? maybe it's just the result of my current living conditions?

A week left until I no life grind Invincible VS for 4 days straight just for the fun of it. God I wish all the problems with these tournaments just didn't exist... blessed with another game I'd legitimately enjoy coming out a year after one had just released and there's nothing for me to grind for

I still want to do some write-ups related to FGs but I always get stopped by the same old motivation struggles. I also ran into issues with structuring my thoughts (and the write-ups themselves) the few times I have gotten around to attempting anything.

old hand written bbtag things "end goal would be to become better than kax" kind of nostalgic, it's nice looking at this but it's also surreal that this was nearly 7 years ago

day drinking plans into cancellation of day drinking plans, rip

have been consuming too much garbage lately and ive noticeably gained weight, this is slightly bothering me...

I'm pretty sure I have BPD or something of the like, I certainly do believe to have rather drastic attachment issues; I never quite got a solid enough understanding of BPD, or how it may relate to my life & relationships, but this really is one of those cases where I wish I still had my therapist.

it has arrived <3

male bi aroace friend who guessed i was cishet into guessing cispan into me telling me i was transhomo im always curious what others would guess my gender & sexual orientation to be, i never ask so this was the 2nd time i've had someone provide their assumptions, was pry funny

even with all my issues—thinking about where i am now makes me surprised that i have never once tried to kill myself i continue to struggle with a lot but unmedicated me was basically a vegetable, certainly am a lot happier nowadays now if only i could incorporate estrogen into my lineup of drugs

soon

why do i have a polish coin from 1992

cleaning room again and stumbled upon a bunch of old handwritten fg notes (mostly combo notations) massive fan of " jabs Whiff normals 4 no reason"

I don't have much to scream into the void about lately, must be a mix of being on holiday, being on SSRIs, and the past 2 weeks genuinely being wonderful. I still have to deal with my shitty motivation issues, but it has been nice opening up more and having amazing friends to share who I am with!!

purchased a choker

im like extremely autistic and it's both the worst & best experience ever; void of all social skills, incapable of interpreting others, tone of voice & expression never reflecting how i truly feel or what i wish to convey, but at least im weirdly myself which is kind of cool i guess

birthday girl

making the jump to size 46 shoes actually saving my feet from an eternity of pain

0747, haven't gotten paid yet ok?

i have finally acquired what i have been looking for

i need to get paid already...

im a girl

unearthed ancient relics from the past while cleaning back when i was a high achiever in school in edinburgh when i was like 8 or 9 or something i don't even know

got reminded again that I am able to be loved got reminded that there are people who like me

I keep questioning my sexuality, there is a lot I am unsure of and the few people I've been interested in were gender queer nbs + some women. It isn't like there are men I don't find to be attractive but it's probs the difference between romantic & physical attraction.

got reminded of how much i miss her (saw my current one 2 hours ago)

i really really really really really really really miss my old therapist

im kind of happy that i haven't thought about killing myself after having started taking SSRIs on thursday

having been lucky getting the perfect therapist on my second try into needing to change to a different one after next week... actually is really awful but at least i know what sort of person works for me (she's actually amazing and i hope she finds a job to replace the one she will be losing soon)

i was looking through what i had on my phone yesterday night and i saw pictures of myself from 3-2 years ago was a bit surreal, made me kind of happy that i am no longer who i was back then... at least looks wise i also look insanely uncomfortable in all of them!!! wonder why!

i want to cry but there is no place for me to do so i was isolated the last time i cried, i was in an awful place mentally but it was nice, just having all that space to myself as nice, i miss it

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

my life is nothing yet i feel this constant pressure everyday no expectations of myself, nothing to do, but my mind is being tortured there is nothing to look forward to, no distractions, too unsure of myself

something something alone etc etc blah blah once again got reminded yesterday that i really should just be more comfortable being myself, and certainly shouldn't be afraid of it either it's a struggle since i am afraid with regards to certain parts of me