// the canto 9 experience is ruining me

the void in my heart keeps growing.

I don't want to feel this empty and lonely feeling anymore...

floor

// head in hands i love hitting brick walls 🙌🙌

And I, well I lose my mind I lose my mind I lose my mind I lose my mind

holding it in DOES do something!

i dont think people like my business ideas

happy

// we do not need to send this thing to a church and i can’t even say why that’s a bad idea

// having to remind myself about my PM muses has sent me down a rabbit hole of old OC shitposts

// i’ve literally mused so many PM characters in the past it’s crazy lX, MOSB, CENSORED, Blue star, 2 lobcorp employees, a sweeper, a distortion, a mirror fragment, a river, a AI, the erlking, n some others i don’t remember rn

… i do not think i am useful to anyone. i do try. i try so hard. why is it so.. difficult? it’s so simple in theory.. and yet.. i don’t think i’ve done.. anything.

immm sorryyy i just want to i don’t know i dont knowwww im sorry im so sorry

i'd rot in hell if you just asked me to.

total dissassociation , fully out your mind

STILL I CHECK IN THE MIRROR TO SEE HOW I LOOK I LOOK DIFFERENT IN DIFFERENT WAYS . AH 、 YOU DO THE MATH 、 WHO'S LOOKING BACK ？ THAT'S NOT ME .

you'll forget me. you'll forget me. you'll forget me. you'll forget me.

Because the real you is-- (Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting--) (of course this is what he thinks, this is what you are)

immmm sorrryyyy im sorryy i just i want to know i want to be heard im sorrrryyyy aaahhhaaahhh

ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithuuurtttsssss aaaaahhhhaaaahhhh make it stop make it stop

i want to scream until my throat becomes raw but i don’t even have one

there is nothing left there is nothing lef tthere is nothing left where did it go where did it go why i dont know i dont know i dont know I DONT KNOW HET ME OUT OF HERE GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT FET OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

i cannot help but cry. for whom, i do not know.

this feels oddly familiar.

i want to go back.

. . . is wanting to help people such a bad thing?

i.. miss.. ..what was i talking about? not important.. something.. i dunno..

it’s all wrong.. it’s all wrong…

… i don’t know if i can fix this. should i fix this? i don’t know.. i don’t know anything..

[NC] do you guys have any ibuprofen i have a tummy ache

i'm not a good person, i'm barely a person at all, but, someday, i'll be perfect, and i'll make up for it all.

What are you missing? Is it the deafening? The deafening quiet...

You're lying, nobody remembers me.

// THIS DUMBASS 💔

// this dumbass 🥀

sensations are such a cool thing you’re telling me you can get outside information by existing?? that’s crazyy..

i am not my body, not my mind, or my brain. / not my thoughts and feelings, i am not my DNA.

// nnnoo im actually in pieces rn uhhhh gnn its greeting me

i don’t know maybe it’s a good thing i like doing things

floor floor is nice floor doesnt judge me mmmm flooor

i should be sleeping i have work tomorrow why do i need to sleep that’s stupid

i can feel the eyebags actually why am i here

It’s useless to say anything, it’s useless to be told anything, lethargy, ignorance, the more apathetic.

yayy

happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts in shards, all over the floor.

four

i think i heard my body knock from the inside