The derogatory term "Mid" is actually short for "Midl of Lidl".

AND HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW

I didn't realise how much I would mark out for Timeless Toni either.

Forbidden Door was an absolute blast. The Bucks coming out to Mmmbop was an absolute vibe. Saying goodbye to Tana is hard enough without possibly having to say goodbye to Will.

10 years ago to the day, I received my most favourite birthday card ever

Why are pretzels listed as bread items when they are quite clearly knot bread?

Just started reading Samuel Pepys' diary and I'm glad he said "it's pronounced Peeps not Peppies" at the start, plus he said what he had for breakfast which was a bonus.

How many Temple Bar drinks bills will I need to see shared online before I tell the latest sharer to have heeded the warning of the entire internet? Not a pub. A tourist trap. And despite warnings, you got caught.

I don't like to do this but I am going through an incredibly hard time at the moment as many do but I've never felt so out of control in my life. So, any show of love or supported would be appreciated. Maybe, normal service will resume shortly.

I'd like to say that my dad gives a lot of money to charity instead of actually saying he should be banned from ever entering a charity shop because he buys so much pointless tat.

If history is anything to go by, Switzerland are going to be the most ambivalent host country in Eurovision history and that is a good thing.

I love dogs but "yeah I'll follow you forever until there's a tree" is a strange way to live.

Shit Wrestlemania plus shit cuts equals Pendell out. Half of them spoke out against Trump on social media by the way.

Finally bought myself the @lateralcast.com book, which will no doubt make me feel like an idiot if the podcast is anything to go by. Either way, Can't wait to get started on some questions!

I am buying this for Forbidden Door.

Bearing in mind that this is entirely for charity, would it still be wrong to open up a charity footwear shop and call it "Dead man's shoes"?

Going to FD with two of my most favourite people in the world. Sometimes life is cool

Sometimes I feel like singing My Sharona See every time I hear that tune I just start singing awaaaaayeyyyyy The song that was performed by the Knack

Hi welcome to Britain. We are literally that guy deepthroating a whisk and people caring more about a tree being cut down than War Crimes and Trans Rights. What is the length of your stay?

3D cinema was a strange craze wasn't it? Like "Happy evening out guys, please wear these ridiculous glasses for 3 hours but don't worry the first 3 minutes and 27 seconds will be like 'WHOA"..."

Me applying for a job in Canada: "So what parts of Canadian culture are you aware of?" Me - "Ice Hockey" "Oh right, what teams do you like?" Me - "The teams responsible for lookalike cam"

If I could wake up tomorrow morning to a few messages of support, I would probably really appreciate it. I have had a horrible week and once again homelessness is looming.

Yo if anyone based in UK has a minute would they mind possibly signing this? My Stepmum is disabled and relies on PIP but under this proposed system her and thousands like her would be denied. Heaviest shoulders my ass. www.change.org/p/stop-the-n...

Anyway I weighed myself for the first time in ages this morning and I am down to just over 13 stone which is the lightest I've been in about 5 years so there is that.

Our chef has been talking to me about how much he has suffered with hayfever for the first time this weekend. He's been going on for 45 minutes I'm not even joking. 45 minutes to a guy who has had hayfever for 25+ years.

I acknowledge Bruce Parry

Bruce Parry is my Tribal Chief

Can you all stop fucking about with my name

DYK: Kazakhstan had 2 national anthem mishaps in nearly as many weeks as each other.

Accidentally left my bathroom door open overnight and one of the dogs left something on the floor. Not an ideal thing to clean up when unwell but I can't really be mad because he chose the correct room.

Hail stones are my least favourite form of precipitation because not only are they Solero Shots without the taste, they hurt a bit.

Catching up on #AEWRevolution now because it was far too late for me last night/this morning. Glad more people are getting to see that Momo Watanabe is HER.

Hontai is the biggest unit in NJPW now?

For those of you not in the know this is a huge deal because John Cena hasn't been a heel since Total Bellas

Why are exceptionally important talks about potential peace being done in front of the camera? Oh yeah because America. Jerry Springer lives on. FUCK TRUMP. Love you Americans but have a look really. It's bad.

A local radio station played Steve Winwood followed by Taio Cruz and though that might sound weird, that's exactly the sort of thing I would do if I were a radio controller.

Spicy mango Margaritas on the menu tonight damn I'm good.

My first guesses on Wordle are honestly a window into the soul.

Id do anything for my mates. Honestly if a male bestie phoned me and said "I'm depressed because I've never given a blowy would you mind?" I'd absolutely say "of course mate I'll just close my eyes and pretend it's your brother"

Even Keir Starmer is distancing himself from President Bonkuzade. If that does not say it all, then all hope for you is lost.

I don't know if I should be proud or pissed off that nobody has ever tried to impersonate me on social media.

In the promotional video for Black Lace's 1983 hit "Superman", one of the dancers was a then-unknown Jane McDonald

Update: Got in touch with BBC archive services. Gave them as much info as I could and they weren't able to find it. So I'm a liar. Really could have done with this being found but whatever thanks for looking.

A short poem: Does a Pint count as Dinner? Because if so, I've eaten.

Okay America I'm starting to understand the hype. It does look rather superb. #Superbowl

Work Christmas party in 2018. Had a photo booth. Thought I'd do a straight-faced normal one to pretend I was getting a passport photo. All 4 were published on the work website. Anyway, do I resemble a well-known actor here?

Another year and no Grammy nomination for yours truly I might have to actually make and release a song.

Sorry but this needs saying. Cars are too big these days.

Pope Gregory XIII really fucked up by not making January the month with 28 days didn't he.

What's your least favourite thing about numerical imperfections? I'll go Seventh.