Recently, I've been blowing alot of my paychecks on Magic singles and honestly, I'm regretting it now that I'm thinking about how much I spent. I guess I wanted to have a collection of really cool cards I liked or just bargains I found online but then it started snowballing to just buying randoms.

Gonna go see Hyakuemu at my local cinema - theirs only one viewing and somehow 55% of the cinema is filled ; this manga isn't even translated how is there more than 60 people here? Dang, I guess Orb got really popular cuz of the anime.

Kinda feel like all my goals are kinda pointless rn - like why should I even keep working on my game or just work towards anything really

Man these meds might not work as well as they used to - my stomach just gets weird halfway through the dosage period and I just stop being able to focus - maybe it's just stress or anxiety or not being healthy idek

Trying to make UI & examining feel cooler #gamedev #gamemaker

Man I don't get music making, this music im making doesn't make me feel like how the music i like make me feeling

Feel like I've completely lost steam today

I don't know if I'm going about this the wrong way but I was trying to figure out a good code design architecture for my game so I ended up researching how to mod Star of Providence since it's in GameMaker too but it's actually alot more involved than I thought.

I've been sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 4am so I can work on my game at full capacity while on meds and I gotta say, this routine really works for me. Mostly been doing almost no code - just Miro, Pinterest, Spreadsheets, Asset Ripping, Playing Game Genre Studies.

Well, I'm back from Tokyo - that was a pretty fun impromptu trip which was pretty fulfilling, I still got alot of study to do before I can really fully appreciate the true subculture hidden beneath the surface of Japan. Anyway, here's a picture of all the stuff I bought (minus the extra 42 doujins).

Day 2 in Akihabara - went to Book-off and got alot of my favourite manga in japanese on the cheap. Pretty stoked about that. Then I went ahead and bought 27 NSFW doujins at Melonbooks and K-Books - I just had to, they had the GOATs I be rereading multiple times 😭.

Day 1 of Shibuya is over - cuz legs were dying - and so I covered about these many spots

I am currently bsky-ing from Tokyo rn and ngl, my flashcards did not prepare for the amount of hiragana and kanji I need to process all at once just walking and the speed I need to process it just walking around and it didn't prepare me for nuanced interaction with service people - dayum

Man the Aya Hirano concert today was the best. She sang God Knows, Lost my music - so peak 😭

Ok, had an existential moment so I'm back on the saddle for gamedev (or maybe my obsession with Elona finally began to wane)

Oh and I've got my trip to Tokyo with my little brother to look forward to as well. I've been making a map with all the pilgrimage spots and cool doujin spots I could think of. So far, it's only FLCL, TWEWY and Mandarake & one-offs like Fangamer and Earthbound store

Well, at least life ain't all bad - I finally got around to playing Elona and it's been on my mind all week but I think I ruined my save file by getting -100 karma. You literally can't do 60% of the game and it costs a crap ton of money to fix which you're supposed to get from that 60%

Got some pretty negative feedback from my supervisor yesterday and it's kinda bumming out my whole weekend

feels like i stopped being honest with myself a long time ago

I hate my job!!!!!!!

First day on meds, have to say the comedown on Ritalin sucks - just really annoying headache that makes it hard to focus on stuff. This blows I didn't expect there'd be side-effects like this. I was thinking I'd take for afternoon and evenings so I can sleep through the come down and do hobby stuff

I'm kinda scared for tmrw

At the mental health hospital now, just waiting - this place looks depressing

This sea salt ice-cream making me feel like I'm in a Kingdom Hearts game

Btw I fucking hate being in my car for an hour and a half before work every weekday, it gets so goddamn hot in there but I wanna be able to chill in a place where people can't acknowledge my presence

Finally managed to book an appointment this Tuesday with my local government mental clinic, goddamn that took a while!!

Also also, I've been playing Peak and this game is the bomb solo or with friends. I don't know if it's because I like climbing and hiking but I feel like this game loop is so perfect why has nobody come up with this before

Also I've been pretty consistent with my Japanese flashcards past two months as a result of napping in my car before work - but I feel like I still haven't really made any progress when all I want to do is read books and listen to Japanese media without checking Jisho all the time

I've been leaving my house 6:30am despite work starting at 9am because I don't like rush hour traffic but taking a nap in my car is hard because it gets hot when the sun is out. But not today - I love cloudy days!!

Found a cool album called Standing Still In A Moving Scene by Hyakkei on my music app today - life is good

The money came in today chat!!!!

Man being self-conscious of how I am being perceived every second of everyday sucks, a guy I know followed me on my twitter and I just hate that now's there gonna be another person to use for my second guessing mind demon that wishes to condemn me to eternal silence

Listening to the Battle Network OST gets me pumped, I need to find more of this genre of music

Alright I've finally mustered the balls and also enough energy to finally set a date to walk in to the mental health clinic and see about getting a diagnosis for ADHD

I am unbelievably hyped rn, holy shit I can't believe I'm holding this again after like 15 years wow

Guess what came in the mail today chat

so many things i want to do, so hard to narrow down and prioritize what's really important - is a job you can tolerate all there is to life

Haven't gotten an update about that Catcha Beast thing for a couple of days now, I think I've been scammed gang

Oh I finished Invincible S3 and I thought it was pretty good - I wish I could watch the next season already. Now I'm watching Gurren Lagann for the first time technically. I can't believe I thought the first episode was lame as a kid, I thought it was pretty great in 2025

The next paycheck can't come any sooner

Spending money on that stupid Catcha Beast thing made me realize I can just get whatever I've always wanted to buy deep down now - and the first thing that came to was lots of anime and twitter artist artbooks. I probably won't even read them that much once I get them but it's all about the chase.

This fucking sucks

Also, I need a new game to hyperfixate on - life feeling a bit bleak without something like that. Recently VTM:B and Battle Network has been crossing my mind but I don't know if I wanna replay stuff, it's been my principle to not do that since my teens, unless like it's identity-defining

Been trying to acquire a Catcha Beast/Treasure Gaust device and I randomly found this guy on reddit from Japan selling a few but he wanted me to pay with an Amazon Gift Code which was kind of sketch but based on vibes, I think he was legit. Hopefully.

Just had a round of Duck Game and it reminded me there was a period of my life where I locked in on something - Time to lock in once again. Incrementally.

alright guys, i didn't get it - i got rejected within 20 minutes after the interview was over. also I didn't even get to open 1000 MTG packs, I just sorted 1000 MTG cards instead. real bummer mood rn

Also, I've got the interview for the game studio thing on Thursday so I'm gonna have to sneak away during lunchtime so hopefully nobody gets suspicious - and also I don't think I'm ready to have a high level discussion on C++, 3D math and gameplay programming yet 😭😭

So I have to open 1000 MTG packs at work tomorrow - holy shit I can't believe I'm actually excited to go work for once, this is gonna be freaking awesome

Was forced - ok, not forced but begrudgingly made - to play Roblox because one of my friends is seeing someone and I guess she mostly plays Roblox though none of the games I play. As a result, I keep thinking about the games I used to play and how much I lost my life to them like Deepwoken and JoJo.

My first ever real paycheck just came in yesterday, I felt kinda empty looking at it yesterday but today I just spent a good chunk of it without really thinking about it so I guess money is like taking weights off your brain