Oh great, ITV get to ruin another World Cup opening ceremony.

975 It's not bad, it's just not as good as the first film. Everything about it feels rushed. #Zootropolis2

"It's so dumb it's brilliant" "No, it's just dumb!" #GlassOnion going fully meta.

Sorting through my dad's emails (20,000+) looking for accounts. Let it be known that Gmail fucking sucks.

Takoyaki? Completed it, mate.

Yknow how there are some films that are critically acclaimed, but they leave you cold? Frances Ha. I just don't get it. And while I'm at it, Birdman. I'd also add The Artist but I said that was shit at the time and I feel like I've been vindicated on that one.

As someone who worked in catering, the last fucking thing we want is kids in that environment who don't know what they're doing.

Tick tock motherfucker.

There's your layout if it goes exactly according to world rankings (it won't) #WorldCupDraw

My internet is down.

Deform UK have decided to send me a letter asking for my thoughts and, because I like being helpful, I've decided that I'm going to reply. Photo later.

3rd time lucky? Do we still want him? #NUFC

"Braindead, Tory or just plain racist? Hop on over to Deform UK. We don't care. Deform UK. It's where all the cunts are."

"Hey, can you go back to the engine room and sort the electric out?" No. No I fucking cannot. Do it yourself. #StillWakesTheDeep

Still Wakes The Deep is a fantastic game, moreso with headphones on. If they'd made it VR compatible it'd be horrifying.

I'm not crazy, I'm idiosyncratic.

For fucks sake. #FPL

In the 40's the Americans decided (questionably) that killing 250,000 Japanese was worth it for the greater good. I'm suggesting that killing a couple hundred billionaires for the same reason is far more justifiable.

I'm sorry, is this meant to be a serious question?

Welcome back to Uxbridge, @waterstones.bsky.social You've been missed.

Willock needs to go. The boy has trampolines for feet. #NUFC

Why the hell don't I have Thiaw in my #FPL team? And as I say that, we concede. #NUFC

Team America: World Police need to fuck right off.

There seems to be much more energy in this team. Hopefully it's the kick up the arse the benched need. #NUFC

I'm running 15 minutes behind. It seems Howe has finally said "Fuck it" and started dropping/resting players. More than half our "starters" are missing and Pope not even being on the bench is interesting. #NUFC

Ah not that fucking green kit again. Did anyone consider that camoflaging our players was maybe not the best idea? #NUFC

Castle that A) Exists outside of time B) Gothic C) Can only be accessed by portal D) Home to a wizard that wants to compress timelines? #Loki? No, Final Fantasy VIII. I'm surprised Squaresoft didn't sue.

To the dude with the ponytail and the purple beret. No. Just no. Stop it.

Yes, "Fuck the poor" as Jesus famously said.

It's a truth universally acknowledged, that a person who hasn't slept properly in at least 2 weeks will be woken by some bastard phoning them before 9am, the moment they do.

Just watched last night's goals (I've been busy). What the fuck was Pope doing? I warned about this when he did it against Haaland over the weekend. He did this and got banned for the 1st Carabao Cup final. It's always the big games. #NUFC

I've come to the conclusion that you're "Old" when you consistently wake up feeling more tired than when you went to sleep.

* Reinstalls Duolingo * "Hey, got 5 minutes to learn Japanese?" "No! Fuck off!" So that went well.

Was looking to restart learning Japanese so found a poster for Hiragana and Katakana lettering. £43 Then it gets worse. £18 for delivery

Forget it, Jake, it's Charlie Brown.

The best people are always the weirdos. Not only because they're the most interesting, but also because being an outsider humanises people. My brain is my blessing and my curse but fuck me, I'll take that over being the human personification of beige.

Oh shut the fuck up, Piggy.

"Load up on guns, bring your friends..."

* Checks cricket * What the fuck?

I can't help feel that Nick Drake would have loved the recognition and validation that this tribute show provides, while absolutely hating other people messing with his songs.

Nick Drake on BBC4. 51 years on Tuesday.

Things Not To Say To A Woman Who Just Turned 40. "Your brother looks younger than you" I'm 43 next week and my sister is furious. 😛

Once again, fuck you Paramount.

What the fuck is this monstrosity?

Nope!

This might be the most niche game I've played in 35 years. Yorkshire + The Fast Show + A bedroom coded Spectrum platformer just about sums it up. I can't imagine how impenetrable it would be to Americans. #ThankGoodnessYoureHere

Y'all got fucked.

* Looks at World Cup seeds * Look, you can't potentially have Italy, Turkey and Denmark in Pot 4 with the lowest teams. That's going to properly fuck up the draw.

Jesus Christ, try picking just 5 from this.