What the fuck? April 1st isnt for another 2 weeks.

#Dune3 trailer out already? That was quick. This film is going to piss a lot of people off in a lot of different ways. It ain't Star Wars and this isn't the hero's journey. Also, well done on spoiling the surprise in the trailer. Which moron approved that?

Oh dear, President Cheesebrain. You've started a war you can't win and your friends won't help you because A) You called them all cunts B) They're not fucking idiots Whatcha gonna do?

I know it was happening in 2020 before Covid killed it but for fucks sake, can we get a goddamn TV series for The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy?

"Metric tickets on sale Friday..." Shut up and take my money! "for the Brixton Academy" Oh for fucks sake. I don't want to go to that dump.

Sister: Why are Brentford called the Bee's? Me: I'm not sure. Obviously Wolves are from Wolverhampton and Man U are the Red Devils because they're cunts. #NUFC

* Answers Door * "Hello, I'm from Reform UK and..." Nope. * Closes door *

Someone tell President Cheesebrain that NATO is a defence and peacekeeping force, not a backup army for your fuckups.

* Checks Oscar results * Bollocks to #Frankenstein

Nope, not our problem. You fucked it, you fix it.

Death Taxes French #rugby winning when they've got no chance, and losing when it seems impossible.

I have a scar on my chest from an implanted chemotherapy line. When I moved to a different school I just told everyone that I'd been shot, and they believed me because I was from London.

Touchè, England #Rugby

"OK so England aren't losing yet, but give it time" * 15 seconds later * #Rugby

Send your own fucking ships, let them get sunk.

Look, I'm not great at reading social cues but even I know Headphones = Fuck off So y'know, I don't want to talk. Fuck off.

As a rule I hate slapstick but you really have to admire this level of imagination. #HundredsOfBeavers

That'll be nice for him before he accidentally shoots himself in the head, twice. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Tonight's film is #ThePaleBlueEye. Love me some Edgar Allen Poe.

I mean, take the label off and reprint it?

Dead, in prison. Either work for me.

The irony is now my tablet needs cleaning because it's got fingerprint smudges all over it.

The Hindenberg

Finally getting started with #Shogun. Should keep me busy until #Daredevil comes out.

It's taken me til 4am to decide on a film and it's #DeadOfWinter. Emma Thompson Vs Judy Greer. It can't possibly be bad.

4-5 hours spent building a calculation formula, only to find that you've structured the whole thing on a basic error you made right at the start. Think I'm gonna cry.

I can't remember the last time I was so bored watching a film. I didn't even hate it because it's simply too dull to care about. #TheLastVoyageOfTheDemeter

This isn't very good. It feels very generic, clean and totally lacking in atmosphere, style or identity. #TheLastVoyageOfTheDemeter

I've been meaning to watch this for ages, but it's difficult to find the motivation or time for a story I'm way too familiar with. #TheLastVoyageOfTheDemeter

Waiting for Ibsen on BBC4

and James Taylor with goddamn Carole King. Fuck. Right. Off.

Joni Mitchell is a 1-hit Wonder? Fuck right off #BBC

Of course its that cheating rat-faced little cunt. #WreChe

"Catches him high" It's on his ankle you twat #WreChe

Motherfucker... #WreChe

What the hell has happened to English rugby?

Only 4 episodes down but this is pretty good. Shame most will never watch it. #WonderMan

Bloody hell, I forgot about Twilight of the Dead. When Romero died I figured that was the end of it.

If that final relegation spot is between Leeds, Forest, West Ham and Spurs then Spurs are going down. #MOTD

Micah Richards can fuck off. Never a penalty, never in a million years. #MOTD

* Slow clap *

Next time someone flies a plane into an American building, remember this moment and that they deserve it.

Got asked out by a very attractive woman and as usual my reflex kicked in. "Sorry, I'm retired" I hate myself sometimes, but I'm not capable of being that guy anymore.

I would but I've been reviewing them out of order, so my #LastFourWatched aren't. Instead you can have my 6 Perfect Films

The "extremes of the left" were Labour voters until you intentionally pissed them off, you stupid bastard.

Deform on 25%: We're the biggest party, we're gonna win everything! The Other 75%: Like fuck you are!

What?! Can we get the goddamn bluray boxset of it in shops now please?

That was great. No fucking around, just right into punching you in the heart as usual. I love that they finally gave Turk a moment of genuine emotional depth. #Scrubs

Goddamnit, I see the annual #BobsBurgers fuckery has started again. Put the episodes on tv you Fox wankers.

Do it you cowards. I'd rather have this than GTA VI.