I am estranged from my entire family of origin. They hold my history, but I got out with myself. An incredibly costly trade, but one I would make over and over again. Saving myself against all odds is my greatest achievement. 🤍✨️🕊

Internalized ableism can look like a neurodivergent person that has absorbed + applied societal beliefs and stereotypes that devalue disability, to themselves. This internalized bias can keep a neurodivergent person from seeing accurately + acknowledging their specific brain pattern and neurotype.

In narcissistic family systems hierarchy takes the place of balanced, honoring, reciprocating relationships. This is by design. It's the only way to create "stability" in the absence of what relationships actually require.

The longing for tenderness and care from our parents never goes away. ❤️‍🩹 Grief is the only way to live in the world as it shouldn't be. 🌼Lauren Smallcomb @goldenchildbook @flourish_therapy #nocontact #estrangement #goldenchild #scapegoatchild #dysfunctionalfamily

Stigmatized grief really complicates one's grief journey. There are so many types of grief that are stigmatized...bringing a sense of shame and isolation.

An unhealthy parent creates a whole system of dysfunctional dynamics beneath them. Read more about this is my upcoming memoir Golden Child: My Descent to Scapegoat and Rise to Freedom. 🤍✨️🕊

Golden Child is available for pre-order! 🤍✨️🕊

Sending so much care and honor for the collective of cycle-breakers doing the hard and meaningful work of creating family cultures of belonging, safety and care. Every single step of this matters. 🤍

Wanting to be seen, known and held in the places of your greatest pain is one of the deepest human longings there are. As much as you've maybe not experienced this, we want to encourage you that those benevolent witnesses await you, and you are altogether deserving of that space.

I heard “Wide Open Spaces” by Dixie Chick's when I was a young teen unknowingly stuck in my golden child role and thought why would anyone want room to make a big mistake?

It goes against every single instinct to name your parent as unsafe, unprotective or unloving. Every. Single. Instinct. If someone has done the hard work to get to this point of naming a more accurate narrative....listen to them. Consider their pain. And please do not judge them.

Neurodivergent awareness is so important as its easy to misinterpret someone's words and actions as threatening, when really they're simply neurodivergent. (We're not talking about innately abusive behaviors like aggression, lying, blame-shifting or gaslighting...)

Letting go is a continual process- and invitation. No need to feel shame that your pain keeps showing up. This is entirely normal. 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy Quote: @yung_pueblo #griefawareness #betrayaltrauma #traumaticloss #childhoodtraumarecovery #cptsdawareness

Loved this interaction so much. ♡ May you find "mom" and "dads" and any other family you've had to create distance from- in many other, more loving places.

Estrangement is a brutal path that no one wants to be their story...and yet IS the way forward to a whole, safe and fulfilling life for so many of us. I can't wait for you to see yourself on the pages of my memoir, Golden Child. 🤍✨️🕊

When you've gone years being misunderstood, and having shame and confusion about parts of yourself.... Getting a neurodivergent diagnosis can make a W O R L D of difference. 🌏🤍✨️

Some observations on the vulnerability of new growth...

You're doing such meaningful work that honors the past, and greatly benefits the present and future. Onward 🤍✨️🕊 🌼Lauren + Luke Smallcomb @flourish_therapy @goldenchildbook

Stephanie Foo @foofoofoo wrote a brilliant memoir on trauma called "What My Bones Know". Have you read it? 💬 📖 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #cptsdrecovery #healingchildhoodtrauma #childhoodtraumarecovery #dysfunctionalfamily

In a world full of so many painful transfers, let us transform instead. 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #dysfunctionalfamily #cyclebreakers #healingchildhoodtrauma #woundedhealers

You, and only you get to decide. 🌼Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy @goldenchildbook #estrangement #nocontact #cyclebreaker #narcissisticfamily #dysfunctionalfamily

The path to estrangement is so incredibly complex. For most it isn't desired, but feels like the only option forward. Choosing something doesn't mean it's ever what you wanted. Read more in my upcoming memoir "Golden Child: My Descent to Scapegoat and Rise to Freedom". 🤍✨️🕊

The role a partner plays in an estranged adults journey can be so incredibly meaningful. Don't ever underestimate how important your support is. A couple of years ago I wrote this in reflection of Luke's role of support on my estrangement path:

✍️📖 Golden Child excerpt I'll be creating an early-reader book launch team soon, thank you to all the people who expressed interest! 🌼Lauren Smallcomb @goldenchildbook @flourish_therapy

This prioritization of parental needs over the meeting of the child's developmental needs across their lifespan leads to enmeshment, parentification and neglect. 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #narcissisticfamilysystem #narcissisticfamily #parentification #enmeshment

I've noticed for a while the similarities between grief from estrangement and grief from divorce. As opposed to death when the relationship was intact, estrangement grief is much more complicated. Memories are tainted and the sorrow is mixed with shame, betrayal and even terror.

@dr.thema has the best pieces of feel-it-deep-in-your-bones encouragement. 🌿Lauren + Luke Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #cyclebreaker #Nocontact #estrangement #dysfunctionalfamily #narcissisticfamily

We appreciate this definition of abuse. Entitlement to control + coercion into harmful compliance = abusive relationship 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy Quote: @tompryde 🤍 #coercivecontrol #abuseawareness #powerandcontrol #abuserecovery

It's really hard to articulate how special it is to have such love and support pouring into such a exquisitely painful story and writing process. Golden Child comes out in September. 📖 ✨️🕊 Thank you so much for your care and kindness. ❤️‍🔥

A big part of individuation and healing in adulthood is swapping out truer, more accurate narratives for the old ones that were forced on you.

Stories are a gift. This is my gift. 📖 ✨️To myself ✨️To the past versions of me ✨️To those with similar pain ✨️To those who can't share their own story ✨️To those who support others ✨️To those who have yet to have waken up to the difficult realities of their family system or their faith system

Jotted this quote down a few years ago while watching "One of Us". The cost to leaving is high. Really high. ⬆️ Stay compassionate to yourself and others in situations where leaving might cost them nearly everything.

"Write hard and clear about what hurts." ✍️💔 Ernest hemmingway A little more cover for your imagination! ✨️ Tomorrow you'll be seeing the whole shebang! 🤍

SO much of the writing process is staring into the black hole of a blinking cursor as you mine your brain for truth. After countless hours of mining, I've got a story to tell, and I can't wait for you to hear it. ✍️📖

Ekkkkkkk! Can't wait to show you my gorgeous book cover! 🤍✨️ Everyone who has had a sneak peek adores it! I'm on the very top of that list 😚❤️‍🔥

After 5 years of healing in private, I'm ready to bring my story and my continued healing into public spaces. Seeing the transformative nature other people's stories had on my life compelled me to offer my story to the world. 🤍✨️🕊 Can't wait to share more about my book next week! 📖

I've been waiting three years to share this special news, and I'm bursting with all kinds of feelings about it 🙃 Mostly gratitude to have gotten to this point and actually feel ready to go public with my story. More details to come.... 🌿Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy

Projecting is a common defensive mechanism that's easy to do without even noticing it🤚 It's when we unconsciously "project" our negative ideas, thoughts, beliefs about ourselves and the world onto someone else.

Men who care about their inside world are much better at tending to their outside world. 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #healthymasculinity #restrictivemasculinity #consciousrelationship #healingtogether

We're made to play....and yet we easily get disconnected from that physiological, spiritual and emotional need. What taps you into a playful state? 🌻 Nature? Seggs? Animals? Music? Games? Art?

As human beings biologically wired for connection, we're always somewhere on the continum between meeting our needs for belonging or our needs for authenticity. It's really unfortunate when we can't have both needs met in our most important relationships. This brings unbearable heartache + grief.

Just because. 🙃 🌿Lauren + Luke Smallcomb @flourish_therapy

Interesting trend.... And some of the things we care about. 🌿Luke + Lauren Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #neurodivergentawareness #healingchildhoodtrauma #intimatepartnerviolence #powerandcontrol #mindbodytherapy

The versions of masculinity that make men LESS human, not more....are entirely unequipped to solve the male loneliness epidemic.

Just heard in "What My Bones Know" that 10% of females get PTSD, while only 4% of men do. Why do you think accounts for this difference?

It's amazing after a handful of years of consistent healing there's still new things happening for the first time this side of healing. I'll never cease to feel the wonder of those tender shoots of growth appearing out of nowhere.

Just like a lot of patterns that can be noticed, there's always exceptions.

I'm finding cats, just like dogs, to have more natural capacity for the back and forth receiving and giving of bids with me than many humans. From the immediate purring when I pet Moby while asleep, to the running to the door when I get home.

The steady core within....🤍✨️ Consider our 1 month IFS immersive with Luke if you're looking for help getting connected to your steady core. 🔗 🌿Lauren + Luke Smallcomb @flourish_therapy #innerhealing #partswork #ifstherapy #internalfamilysystems #childhoodtraumarecovery