Kevin, have you got a minute, buddy?

// I’m sick.

It’s a fucking restaurant, not a sushi bar! How do you get confused with a raw fucking grilled lobster?!

Okay, please, Miss Manners, fuck off back in line.

You got anything to say to me, you say it to my face, not behind my back. Now fuck off.

[Welsh accent] Have ya got any more exploding carrots?!

[sees a ghost] Oh, my God! Rik, is that you?!

Everything went downhill from 2014.

// I’m still not over Rik Mayall. 11 years is not enough time.

Good God, is everyone blind?

There’s no choice. It’s gotta be done.

Now fuck off…Guy, Gus, Jim, Bill, whatever your fucking name is.

I got my costume ready.

Five…four…three…two… AHHHHH! …one! I did it! I’m not gonna die!

Tweek?

This guy’s put scorpions in his jockstrap.

Booger-eating, piss-drinking motherfucker!

Your mother was the finest trade unionist who ever lived! She wiped the floor with Vic Feather, and he thought he was somebody! She worshipped you and made the most pathetic excuses for you! I didn’t realise you weren’t autistic till you called me a cunt in suspiciously fitting circumstances! 😡

[robotic voice] Priority Red. Priority Red. Priority Red. Priority Red. Priority Red.

[deep gravelly voice] Kneel before me, puny mortals.

Does super AIDS really exist or was Stephen lying?

All I said was I didn’t really like coffee.

// Post something 90s.

[sits in the car screaming]

Anyway, it’s not Tinkerbell, it’s Tinkerbollocks, actually.

I’m gonna build a time machine.

Why would you say that to your own daughter? “Sometimes I don’t think I love you as much as I used to.” She’s 6 years old!

I’m scared to go to sleep ever again.

Old Spice, 20p a bottle.

What a bitch! What a brutal bitch! Is it any wonder she’s all alone?

Paper. Pencil. Pencil! Pen-fucking-cil!

Wow…cobwebs.

[chokes] The death breath! She killed me with the death breath! Be gone, evil one! [forms a cross with his fingers]

Ah! Ah! My head! The mega bitch squashed my head! The bitch! She squashed my head! The evil one reigns supreme!

Oh, my God! Is it? It is! The mega bitch! Let me at her!

[eating corn on the cob] These crunchy bananas are delicious.

Is there any cake left?

Allcock.

[whispering] Psst! Psst! Toy with your dagger!

POLICE! I’VE GOT A MAD WOMAN IN HERE!

Fangs aren’t what they used to be.

Funny thing about “dirty stuffy London”, I can walk for miles without being bitten, stung or stepping into something.

I can recognise a Focker when I see one.

I like great big coconuts.

My theodolite’s broken!

Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!

No, no, Barbara! Tent up first, bunk up later!

Frying tonight!

Cafe Mozart, 10 o’ clock.

Ooh, I still don’t like the look of him.