Shame about the church.

Clyde?

Mr. Capaldi: “I suppose I owe Eric an apology.”

Mr. Capaldi: “Who stole the bag of Jelly Babies from my desk? Eric?”

There’s someone on the phone.

Isn’t it a beauty?

There isn’t gonna be a next season. I’m a fictional character. I don’t exist.

It was a mistake, but I liked it.

Am I real?

I’m not a dog. I mean god. I’m not a god.

// I didn’t know Jason Arnopp had cancer. 💔

I never would. Have you got that? I, never, would.

// Two lost Doctor Who episodes have been recovered!!!

(1) Winning? Is that what you think it’s about? I’m not trying to win. I’m not doing this because I wanna beat someone or because I hate someone or because I wanna blame someone. It’s not because it’s fun. God knows it’s not because it’s easy. It’s not even because it works, because it hardly ever…

A restraining order may be the only option.

The pain he’s caused me…

Okay, Eric, let me make this nice and clear for you. YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! STOP TRYING TO RUIN MY FRIENDSHIP WITH ANDY! TAKE THE FUCKING HINT AND LEAVE US ALONE, OR I WILL REPORT YOU TO THE POLICE FOR STALKING US!

YOU THOROUGH AND TOTAL WANK BISCUIT! 😡

Never, ever tell me the rules!

Well, that’s just effing marvellous, isn’t it?! 😒

What do you think?

Does Stan have a spare beanie hat?

We’re gonna do to Cartman what Trent Boyett once did to me.

[crying] He burned my panda.

I’m tired and I’m fucking irritated!

My hands are bleeding, my clothes are torn, my ass is soaking wet.

Does he do this on purpose or is he actually this fucking stupid?

// Anyone remember cassettes?

// Today’s been a good day.

// “Macon’s really taken to the bacon if I’m not mistaken”.

Wow, she is such a fucking bitch! She’s blaming her daughter for her husband leaving her!

// Happy birthday, Rik Mayall. I still miss you.

This reminds me of that record by David Bowie.

// Ignorant prick called me a racist misogynist just because I criticised Ncuti Gatwa’s era of Doctor Who. I love Ncuti as the Doctor, you all know that. I was criticising his episodes, not his portrayal. I only enjoyed 50% of his era. If his era lasted longer, I would have enjoyed it more.

I still miss Ncuti. I want him back.

Well, anyway, this had better bloody work. [stuffs a tissue in a bottle of methylated spirits] We stuff that in there, we light it, wait for the next helicopter to come along… [tries to pull the lighter out of his pocket, then breaks character] …if I ever get my fucking hand out of my pocket!

Right, now this is definitely the last ride of the evening, Eddie. We’ve had more than enough fun for one evening. [breaks character] No, I said evening twice, I fucked up already. Balls! Oh, it’s gonna be a long night.

// Best American comedy duo: Trey Parker and Matt Stone Best British comedy duo: Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson

// Better than the Beatles.

I don’t want lunch, I want breakfast.

“Chunky asses”?

Well, exactly, look at you! Not remotely important! But me?! I could do so much more! SO MUCH MORE! But this is what I get. My reward. WELL, IT’S NOT FAIR!

Can’t I ever have peace?

Oh, fucking horrible theatre in Southend. 🙄

Chicken…and broccoli.

Aw man, not Bruce Campbell…

Someone calling me a loony?

// And I do.

I don’t want a new Doctor. I want Ncuti back.

Every sun is dead. The universe has come to a halt. And it is my fault. Cos I traveled to all those worlds. I thought it was fun. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! 😡😡😡😭😭😭