The rzn 4 the szn

Why did I do this

Dawned on me that today would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. I mean, it was over in less than a year, but damn I'm old af While things didn't work out, I was given the lifetime gift of being a divorcée, and no one can ever take that away from me

I found a piece of notebook paper on the ground, and on it someone had written "Got a bad cut and had to go to the candy & sex clinic to get it treated. They closed the wound up with caramel sutures"

Eating olives with chopsticks... before now if I'd seen someone doing that I'd be like okay settle down buddy

I sure do like olives

Corn is butter-flavored pomegranate

Because of me my 26 y/o roomie is listening to "The Heat is On" by Glenn Frey

🍻 FREE BEER!! 🍻 Now that I have your attention you must answer me these riddles three

He's my special boy

Christ I hope no one catches me listening to Blues Traveler

Me: "This song is called All the Young Dudes by Mott the Hoople" 25 y/o roommate: "What the fuck is a hoople?"

After ten days in the hospital I've been home since Friday. Have to have a wound vacuum on my foot round the clock for maybe a month with in-home nurse visits three times a week, and I've also started insulin and blood pressure meds. Getting up to do anything is exhausting.

Punxsutawney Phil has been found dead in Miami

Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" is about "Law & Order" creator Dick Wolf, and his well-documented obsession with eggs benedict

T'Pol should have had a goatee in the mirror universe episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise

90s Tom Hanks as a 40k ork "*More* dakka? Waaaggh!"

Day 9 in the hospital. Only still here because of insurance hang ups over in home care. I've learned you can gain favor with any nurse by going "surgeons, amirite?"

Day 8 in the hospital. Longest stay I've had before this was probably ~18ish hours. Here's my favorite picture of my cat

I found an image that adequately conveys my feelings about having a wound vacuum attached to my foot

Welp, 2nd surgery went down today. Looking at a wed discharge after a week with ongoing in-home nursing care until I dont need a wound pump attached to my foot anymore. I'm feeling pretty bad today. It's like I'm dealing with a lifetime of bad choices all at once or something

The attending physician and a nurse have told me separately that I'm the easiest patient on the floor which means I'm achieving my goal of Winning at Hospital

For some reason I have to be the best patient in this wing of the hospital

"I was born in the darkness; you merely adopte-" *shines flashlight in eyes* "Ow! Ow! What the fuck!?"

Patient shows signs of being kinda smooth with it

Pippi! In the Hospital

2 days in to this hospital stay with maybe 5 more to go and I am straight up hating it. I want to go home real bad

Toe is swelling up like crazy, need a phone to see if I still have insurance, I feel like shit, everything hurts, can't stop crying

"The deep state? Like, Atlantis?"

Out of nowhere got some violent chills yesterday. Maybe a fever that went away? I feel bad. Headaches, achy joints, head swimming... I also injured my toe somehow, so walking sucks. Lil dude is keeping me company tho so its not all bad

Tom Bombadil is just a guy from Philly

I like the band Morphine, and I was lucky enough to see them live at H.O.R.D.E. fest in like '98. I had no idea who they were, and they were amazing. Had no idea how lucky I had it until he passed. At that same festival I saw Ben Folds Five, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Toad the Wet Sprocket, and Primus

A parallelogram is rectangle that's puttin' a lil stank on it

Sucking on a cough drop, as the eucalyptus essence permeates my being, I begin to understand brother koala

Bravo Golf Sierra Bravo Papa Oscar Kilo

Replaying New Vegas. Yes, because of the television

Just imagining scenarios where I come off real smooth and look really cool

Doing a youth outreach program having kids turn in fidget spinners for packs of smokes

I cant get into the math now, but listen... Ive received a message from the future! The super computer has juat finished decoding it... my god... what this could mean for the world... Wait. All it says is "MAROON 6"...

Lean is the opposite of Gummiberry juice

Nothing i love more than waking up at 4:30am for no reason.

Bropium™️ Opium... for Men™️