grow an extra limb

use the International Phonetic Alphabet so that no one will be able to mispronounce your character and place names ever

it's a new year, so we all know what that means. more writing! hahahaha happy writing everyone

the actual number of plot twists is irrelevant. what's important is that there's an odd number of them

shovel paper into your mouth until something happens

word really said 'idk don't ask me'

you shouldn't write about bad things because i don't want to read it

NEVER mention that your characters poop. that's disgusting

if you spent today doing anything other than working on your novel, you are not showing enough dedication to your craft and a disgrace to writers everywhere

make your protagonist’s birthday christmas day and refuse to accept that people are celebrating anything else

if your series doesn’t have a christmas chapter, did it really happen?

the best way to spread christmas cheer is killing the characters your readers hold dear

don't forget to leave out a plate of notebooks and a glass of typewriter ink for Truman Capote, the Christmas Writing Fairy

no, you don't get it, when i procrastinate it's okay but when you procrastinate it's bad. hope that helps! 💕

if you press a single key on a keyboard and only write one character, you're automatically a better writer than any AI known to man

if you mention a topic in your novel you have to get a PhD in it to write it better, them's the rules

i've found out it's not that

do a "draft zero". i think this means a draft with zero words. i will find out more and keep you posted

write what you don't know. who even cares

add 3tsp of salt and simmer over a low heat for 20 - 30 minutes

write for insane gay people

you better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go. you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. this opportunity comes once in a lifetime

find a niche so incredibly specific that it caters to literally no human being that has ever existed in history and write exclusively that until you transcend all limits and become god

if you find yourself using the same word more than once within a page it's already over

imagine a person and then some stuff happening to them and you've pretty much done the job really

whenever you get stuck, consider that maybe you like being stuck and it's okay actually

ctrl+f "that". delete them all. you're welcome

a "pantser" is a writer who wears pants. a "plotter" is a writer who has no pants and plots to steal them from other writers

scene not working? make your characters 11% more insane. never fails

all you need to do is have your characters react to things. whether the reaction makes sense or not doesn't really matter

use my new app! you put a prompt in, and then it thinks for a second, and then up pops a blurry screenshot of some word 1997 wordart that tells you to write it yourself

wow!

just laughed so hard at this i had a coughing fit in a hotel lobby

start at the beginning and then skip to the end. no one reads the middles anyway

do your romantic leads actually like each other or are they just angry

put the pen down!!! don't you know they do laptops now

we all have a story to tell. i am going to beat it out of you

first, make it exist. second, make it make sense. third, make it good. fourth, make it bad again. fifth, make it worse. sixth, there is no sixth. it's perfect. you're done

sometimes, it's not what's on the page that's important, but what's in your head waiting to be written. like now. just fucking write it okay

there is actually one correct way to write a novel and it's the way i'm doing it

write because YOU want to, not because of the ghost of that author who possessed you to write his terrible unfinished manuscript

stuck on a scene? just ask my wife, she'll know what to do

be brutal when editing down your work. you should only keep scenes that advance the plot, demonstrate character, or ones that don't do either of those that you really, really, really, really like

the reason "said" doesn't feel repetitive is because it's so commonly used, so if you have a favourite dialogue tag just make sure you use the same verb every time someone speaks and no one will notice

anything is possible as long as you actually sit down and fucking write it

use my new punctuation mark! it's called the 'half stop'! (it's not a comma) (stop saying it's a comma) (i know where you live)

hEy now, you're a writer, get yuor write onn, go wrIE

try your worst and you suck