Andrew Mouthbreather-Windsor greatest hits: I don't sweat, or rather, I didn't sweat at the time, due to WAR

Andrew Mouthbreather-Windsor has been arrested and word on the street is that he's going to drop "the dime" on Donald J Trump

It's not fair; I should have the opportunity to be humiliated by beautiful Olympic athlete too. Stop showing me the smart man that figured it out

Happy year of the Fire Horse. This would be a perfect year to release a good Ghost Rider movie since his burning motorcycle is like a kind of fire horse 🔥🐎

Will you be my milk? So I can spoil you 😉 Happy Valentine's Day 💘

Dusted off a 500gb SSD because I wanted to install more Steam games and so far I have installed one game: Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020 which is taking up around 400gb 🫩

Philips head wife Flathead husband

I love spelling a word so wrong autocorrect cannot help me and then I give up. Don't need that word anymore. Bye bye

Your first rotisserie chicken from Costco costs $70

Sad to hear that Avatar Fire and Ash is a commercial failure with only $1.4 billion at the box office. They say that's "barely profitable". We failed you, James 😞 we failed you, Eywa 😭

Gary Glitter has asked to have his music added to 'Melania'

White guy doing stereotypical Chinese accent on the train, but he's speaking fluent Mandarin. Can I get mad? 🤔

I know not with what weapons Woke 2 will be fought, but Woke 3 will be fought with sticks and stones

Final Fantasy VII Remake, Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, Final Fantasy VII Recycle

Sandwich discourse? Don't forget about Chicago's big wet sloppy sandwich. No one does a wetter sandwich than the windy city

Why the hell am I looking at my phone in bed from 6-7am? I should get up and play video games before work

Trump: "I am shutting down the Kennedy center until after I am dead. Enjoy!"

The worst feelings in the world are 1. Misplaced phone and 2. Misplaced vape. I'm not a parent but I assume misplaced baby has to be a top 5 as well

It seems like if all of Trump's golf courses were torn up and searched they'd find human remains from some of his and Epstein's victims

It would be an honor to be found by a big search party after a few scary nights lost in the woods

I Dwayned his Rock Johnson until I could smell what he was cooking

What the hell is Adam Curtis doing? Drop a doc bro

Overclocking my sound card to get more sounds per second

A few states should call up their national guard and attack the capital, in my opinion

How come there aren't movie theaters that just play old movies like stuff from the early 2000s and you can just walk in whenever you want for a little peak at Adam Sandler going on his 39th first date with Drew Barrymore? Is it because of capitalism?

The worst thing about traveling internationally as an American is that everyone assumes I know every other American. It's like, there's over 300 million of us. I only know a few million Americans at most

This Greenland shit is just another stock market dump and pump for the Trump family and friends. Let's see how much crypto Barron traded over the last few days

Okay but this would feel so good in the cold

First time snow enjoyer. This summer girl was born in July

I've been thinking a lot about politic lately and I think Zohran the Mayor of New York should end his videos by saying "I love you"

You guys every notice how it's like there's a little man on the moon. Have you seen the moon man?

Smart glasses that use AI to identify other smart glasses and blast LiDAR at their cameras to burn out the sensors

Can you believe this mfer still hasn't paid me

guy that beatboxes but only with slurping sounds

A 12 year old getting a "6 years ago..." photo push notification

Are women still running on all fours like horses? Or was that a fad

I hope I'm on the toilet when I find out It Happened

How are you, as a man, putting the X-Men in a movie titled "Avengers"???

I miss the very early generation of AI image bots that made robocooked shit and you didn't know what to expect like this stuff. This is as far as it should have gone

I'm not a huge Trekkie so maybe this is explained somewhere already but I assume when they teleport you somewhere they remove all of the piss and shit from your body, right? You're not running to the bathroom before an away mission just warp it out

Elephants would look sick with tattoos too bad there's no ethical way to tattoo an elephant

I cleaned the bathtub really well today what's everyone else up to

When you unsubscribe from The Onion's emails they should send you an email that says unsubscribe attempt failed, as a joke. One for the road

Choosing a favorite pizza style is like choosing a favorite dog breed. I like the deep dish dog. I like the Detroit style dog. I like the tavern cut dog

Saw some fog

I wish Avatar had less discourse impact! Everybody's talking about it today and I'm over here like "I'm blue Da ba dee da ba di"

Are you having a good time? Here, have a photo of a puppy passed out on her ball

Video 1 - Prank: Wearing my "I got my ass fucked in GOMORRAH" tee shirt in downtown Sodom Video 2 - JAILED for indecency in Sodom?!?! Video 3 - My sincere apology to the people of Sodom