Now I seen everything: Bill Maher on Hollywood Squares tonight. In half an hour, nobody called on him. He sat in his little square at top right, looking like a schoolteacher at a strip club while the other celebrities had fun making loud and definitely uncerebral jokes.

"He was carrying a loaded gun." Do you know anyone who carries an UNloaded gun?

Melania in her movie promo: "Ehvereevon vants to know. Here eet ees." Me: "I don't care." Do you?

As bad as the outcome could be, part of me is hoping Europe calls Trump's bluff on his threat to take Greenland by force. Far too many people just cave to his outrageous bullying.

The most hilarious part of Trump's milk show was Howard Lutnick saying, "Why should kids not be given a choice to drink whole milk?" Because they're kids, you simpering sycophant.

I remember when Machado offered to regift her Nobel to Trump. I think it was like when your annoying uncle is finally leaving and you say, just being nice, "I really hope you can come back for another visit" and he says, "How about next month?"

Who else thinks the boss in the Paycom ad who uses AI to know all kinds of stuff about his workers is creepy AF, and in real life they would not feel flattered?

Trying to imagine Joe Biden saying "a piece of chicken, a piece of broccoli, a corn tortilla and something else" is a satisfying meal and not being surrounded by torches and pitchforks. I can't - can you?

Any Greenland experts who can tell us whether Trump's claim that their defense system is "2 dogsleds" is just his usual bullshit?

Confused about Trump and Jay Powell. If the economy is as hot as Trump claims it is, doesn't that mean interest rates are working where they are now? Shouldn't we leave them alone?

Anyone else notice what seems to be an addiction to addressing people on social media as "y'all"? Are there THAT many Southerners around here?

My New Year Countdown is to when we can finally stop hearing Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen calling each other "sweetie" in promos for their NYE show tomorrow. Can anyone take Cooper seriously anymore after these promos? Co-hosting the show is fine, I guess, but these promos are just silly.

This New Years Eve show CNN is promoting with Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper - is Cohen calling Cooper "Sweetie" and pointing out his high-pitched giggle supposed to make Anderson MORE credible as a serious journalist?

On CNN this morning, Marjorie Taylor Greene said she was "shocked - shocked" at Trump's rude remarks in private about death threats against her son. Remind you of anyone?

My interview subject was talking about "key stakeholders" but the voice recorder transcript says "cheese steak holders" and I think I want to go with that instead.

About that senior care ad in which a daughter asks her elderly mother for a recipe. Mom: "Oh, you're not ready for that." Daughter: "Well, we ARE ready to talk about senior care for you." Description of care services follows. Daughter: "Now how about that recipe?" Diabolical!

Gotta laugh at Joe Scarborough this morning calling out Trump for trying to distract us with the sedition post and then spending half the morning being distracted by it. I like Joe and agree Trump went way overboard, but geez talk about taking bait.

Some MAGA have turned "Quiet, Piggy" into a pro Trump meme, while others insist, strangely, that he said "Quiet, McGee" because that's her name - which it isn't, of course.

I remember when Biden rightly was assailed for greeting MBS with a fist bump because it was casual acceptance of an evil guy. Today Trump criticized the fist bump because it wasn't respectful enough.

Kudos to Mary Bruce of ABC for persisting in asking uncomfortable but necessary and justified questions at the Saudi press conference.

Used to be a big Jeff Goldblum fan until I started seeing him every 20 minutes in the creepy Wicked for Good ad.

Sean Duffy was very supportive and understanding of stressed, anxious air traffic controllers missing work during the shutdown. Then Trump threatens to punish all those workers, and now Duffy is "questioning their patriotism." Hmm.

About that Wicked ad with Jeff Goldblum whisking his "son" off to Oz: I guess they had to work pretty hard to explain an old man getting into a limo with a young boy who doesn't really look like it's his father entering the vehicle.

Did Walmart intentionally design its Thanksgiving cost comparison to make Trump-era prices look better? They used fewer items than last year and included a lot of store brands. Duh, ya think?

Listening to a BBC news item about Andrew losing all his titles and other royal shit, I'm thinking the Brit pronunciation "peed-o-file" gets much closer to the disgusting nature of this behavior than our American "pehd-o-file," which sounds like we're going for a bike ride.

Stop asking Trump if he's ruled out trying to run again. He's not going to rule it out and you're making it seem like a normal consideration - like asking a first termer if he's going to seek a second.

The most misleadingly named TV show has to be "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" which is only live about 60% of the year. 140-160 live eps per year according to AI, divided by 260 weeknights per year.

Wondering if this privately funded ballroom project is basically just a big, beautiful money laundering operation.

Stay tuned for the next hilarious episode of "Bigots Say the Darndest Things," with your host, J. D. Vance

Dang, Mike Johnson, now I HAVE to go to No Kings

JD Vance: Ugly racist and anti-Semitic (hey! thought you hated that now) comments are just stupid jokes by stupid kids. But fail to pay sufficient obeisance to Charlie Kirk and you'll be pursued and destroyed.

I'm thinking of going to No Kings on Saturday. Anyone know how I can invoice Antifa? Are they still hiring?

I wonder what would happen if somebody put up a crosswalk memorial to Charlie Kirk and the government took it down using the same rule against LGBTQ+ crosswalks.

Heard Mike Lee say Russell Vought has been itching to cut federal spending "since puberty." Hey now!

Standing in front of that huge American flag today, did Hegseth think he was doing a remake of "Patton"? Of course, everyone knows Patton's was bigger.

It took Trump 3 tries to pronounce "acetaminophen" and we're supposed to take medical advice from him?

Or, as Brendan Carr might say, Jimmy's lawyers made them an offer they couldn't refuse.

President Trump to pregnant women with a fever: Walk it off.

I guess the Kimmel firing was just a dream.

Quiet everyone, please! Dr. Trump is offering us his expert medical advice on vaccines, autism and soon I'm sure, ballroom construction and why Biden sucked.

I don't watch or patronize anything Disney/Marvel to begin with. Easiest boycott I ever joined! Now, Hulu ...

No longer wondering if The View will even just say they can't talk about Jimmy Kimmel.

ICE claims agents wear masks because they were getting assaulted off duty, so the masks protect them from retribution. But did they EVER work unmasked? The masks are "fixing" a problem that never existed. It couldn't be that they were only intended to cause terror from the start. Could it?

The "mad as hell" scene is memorable, but of all the prescient elements of Paddy Chayevsky's "Network," this is the most chilling: www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeche...

I'll never understand why CNN hosts greet interview subjects with "It's good to see you" when they're coming on to talk about bad news.

Feeling deja vu with all these calls by Democrats for hiring more cops in cities. Remember when Clinton got funding to hire a shitload of cops in the 90s? And we got huge numbers of black men thrown into prison because the Democrats wanted to show how tough they could be on "super predators"?

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What a tightrope MAGA officials like RFK must walk! Trump deserves the Nobel Prize for getting the covid vaccine approved in record time! The covid vaccine is dangerous! We don't recommend it!

Listening to Kennedy's bullshit testimony blaming CDC for chronic disease. Am I wrong or does the CDC merely provide data for Congress and state governments to act on - just as CDC didn't shut down a single school or business during the pandemic? Governments did that.

Can I come here to complain about people on WhatsApp who name themselves with inspirational phrases or anonymous words instead of their actual names? Talking to you, My iPad.