Johnny America (@johnnyamericazine.bsky.social)

Today we bring you another banger from Eli S. Evans wherein Dividends Phosphate seeks jogging motivation wherever he can find it—wise words from a priest, advice from an old flame, imagined psycho-killers. Makes us wonder if toned abs really worth it.

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Dividends Almost Takes a Jog Dividends Phosphate was sitting on the third floor of his spacious and well-appointed abode with his beloved Affenpinscher Rags Hoolihan curled at his feet, sipping from a glass of Chinese deer penis wine and reading from the various jottings and other personal writings collected in Elias Canetti’s The Human Province (written 1942 – 1972; translated 1978) when, through the east facing window on the other side of the room, he saw an individual in a brightly colored yellow windbreaker and pink compression shorts jogging down the sidewalk across the street. https://www.johnnyamerica.com/archives/2025/08/15/07.00.00/dividends-almost-takes-a-jog/