Damn I went around telling mfs this out of place looking fool at the show was a cop only to later find out he’s just an awkward military dork who had just started going to diy shows smdh I’ll be streaming my live apology on twitch at 5pm EST

New 7” out next week on @tolivealie.com

Found an unlabeled VHS that turned out to be a homemade video of my folks going at it and idk who was filming it but you know I had to review it on letterbox. 😎 ⭐️⭐️

I swear to god I can’t watch a single movie without ads sprinkled throughout. 90 minutes uninterrupted? No thanks! I need a break. Can we kill the momentum for a few minutes so I can scroll on my phone, please?!

“How’d you hear about this band?” A video of a guy playing an unplugged guitar and singing into a microphone straight to camera standing in the middle of his living room popped up in my feed!

Told my nephew his teeth keep falling out cos they’re sad and don’t wanna be in his mouth anymore and boy did my sister hate that.

Just because I flip off one duck doesn’t mean I hate all ducks okay. I don’t even hate that duck. I just like flipping things off. What happened to free speech, man?

When the poser singing linoleum says “gibberish” instead of “GBH”

Been up for 15 minutes and I can’t wait to take a nap later smdh

One of my songs got quoted in the Washington Post and it just happened to be about the guy who owns the Washington Post. This is the song: drivelpunks.bandcamp.com/track/coffin...

Hell yeah bump dat new baghed See it live in DC tonight omg wow

I hate that Shop Boyz song “Party Like A Rockstar” cos the main riff is the audible personification of a dude with zero musical background trying to play air guitar. However, the “totally dude” ad lib is GOATED

Im gonna print out my IMDb page and use it as ID at the next Oscar’s.

I personally think climbing Mount Everest is dumb as hell and if a mf ever told me they did it I don’t even think I could fake caring. Dumbass. You wasted thousands of dollars to be cold as hell?????

*Walks into literally any small room* You could totally throw a show here.

Shame on a Nigga is too many white dudes favorite Wu Tang song

Saw a man sucking off a bald eagle and yelling “Go Birds!” every time he came up for air 😳

Mf be coming into the bar and leaning in close as hell to order their beer and im like “mf just kiss me already!”

I’m just trying to go viral on this thing, man. The electric bill keeps going up and I need that Pepco sponsorship

Let’s get some class solidarity going and turn X into the platform where we go exclusively to post photos of our daily dookies. Literal shitposting. Let’s goooooo!

These kids are vaping like a chimney

Fuck it. Trans folks need MATERIAL SUPPORT. @distributeaid.org is launching an HRT Harm Reduction Toolkit that provides 1 year of medical supplies needed to take injection-based HRT. We were planning to go live in January, but I'm not waiting. Fund the kits here: distributeaid.org/hrt-harm-red...

I can’t believe they let me book this 😭

I had a feeling Diddy was up to something the first time I saw him dancing

If I was the richest man in the world and literally nobody wanted to be my friend, I too might put all my energy into destroying the planet.

John Legend sitting at that picnic table singing “Ordinary People” to incarcerated firefighters is so insane cos like they are literally forced to watch John Legend perform

I think the cows have organized and are collectively farting together in an effort to kill the Burger King.

Every time I see a Wendy’s I think about Dave Thomas and I wonder if he ever got made fun of for having two first names.

This is a harder day for DC than the inauguration I’m sure.

Fucked around and got myself in too many bands again smdh

I already know which homie gonna be trying to make people look at his amateur porn w da late in life George Bush Sr. filter on smdh

One time I woke up in a bed and saw two roaches making love on the pillow next to my face and to this day it’s the closest I’ve ever been to a ménage a tríos

$150 at Costco always has me feeling like I’m stocking up for the apocalypse when I’m putting the stuff away at home.

About to leak this photo of Student Loan Debt in blackface and get that MF cancelled

You bet yo ass I’m gonna be krumping in the delivery room while my first born enters the world. Whole mf thing gonna be streaming live too wassaaaaaap 😎🤙🏾

Australia may have outlawed guns but I feel like a disgruntled mf might still pull up to a school / concert / mall with a box of the worlds deadliest spiders or a bag of some venomous snakes or a jar of some fucked up wasps