We would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Happy Mother's Day, particularly the mothers of sons who are so emotionally crippled they can only express their feelings of maternal love by interacting with a social media post by their local non-league club. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds

Big thanks to our ballboys who we brought by coach to Bewbush United yesterday. They helped speed up the game against opponents known for their slovenly approach, playing an important part in us securing a narrow 0-0 draw. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds #NeverStopNotGivingUp #TurboMotivation

The eagle eyed amongst you will have spotted that yesterday Troy Best was wearing some unique boots - they are a prototype developed by biological warfare researchers at University College Borehamwood made from lab-grown human flesh that replicate the natural feel of playing barefoot. #SRFC

CLUB STATEMENT: In the interests of transparency we want to publicly acknowledge that Streatham Rovers Football Club has been in the receipt of funding from the United States Agency for International Development since the mid-1980s. (1/2)

The Club Committee have been sent this image, taken from the latest copy of When Saturday Comes, in which the phrase "Streatham Rovers-esque" is used in a review of a book about corruption in non-league football. This is a complete and utter disgrace. We are 110% innocent. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds

Yesterday we were visited by Sammy The Scrotum, BALLSistic's brand new mascot to help encourage children to take the potentially fatal dual threat of testicular cancer and men's mental health seriously. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds

You can now follow Streatham Rovers Football Club on the "REDnote" social media app. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds #NeverStopNotGivingUp #TurboMotivation #WhatAClubWhatAnEthos

We are absolutely delighted to announce that next season's playing kit will be produced by Adidas. This is a groundbreaking deal for Streatham Rovers Football Club and highlights how we continue to go from strength to strength. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds #NeverStopNotGivingUp #WhatAClubWhatAnEthos

BRILLIANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We have a bona fide household name CELEBRITY drawing today's Half-Time Meat Raffle. Real stardust is going to be sprinkled on the hallowed turf of the Greyhound Lane Stadium this afternoon. You will NOT want to miss this! #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds #NeverStopNotGivingUp

Happy New Year to all our supporters, players, coaching staff, Club Committee Members & volunteers. We would like to take this opportunity to remind visitors to Greyhound Lane to not park on the double yellow lines outside the main stand. You are at risk of being clamped. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds

Hello. This is Terry Banner. #SRFC #UpTheGreyhounds #NeverStopNotGivingUp #WhatAClubWhatAnEthos #COYBIPAG #AubergineArmy #ThinkAboutGoals #FootballFamily #streathamrovers #streathamroversfc #streatham